Declaring War on Bullies

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I'm posting in this thread because I'd like feedback not just from parents and students. Every day my son is shoved, punched,kicked or chased. He is called ret*d, [do not try to work around the language censor, there are many ways to do it and they all lead to being banned - sinsboldly]. They moved him to honors classes because he made straight A's last 9 weeks. They thought these students would be more mature. Not so. The school knows but they have to catch the perpetrators in the act and these kids know how and when to come in for the kill. I've read threads about bullying before and it seems the only thing that makes a difference is fighting back. I have advised my son if he fights back and gets suspended then so be it, he will not be punished by me. I think he can handle himself but I hate that he's being put in this position. He is diagnosed AS and functions well but he is quiet and shy, he's a bit clumsy and can't speak clearly. For this he must suffer apparently. I know this is an old story but it seems the schools aren't trying hard enough. Someone in an earlier thread posted a link to an article in the Boston Herald about ASD's and bullying. I emailed the school and linked the article to them for which they thanked me. Still the abuse continues. I'm tired of my little boy going to school every day with dread. Thoughts? Maybe this is just a rant.

How old is your son Aimless, if I may ask? I think what he is going through is terrible. I have a LFA cousin, who has quite serious learning problems, and was taken out of special school because he was being bullied. It's strange because in the school he was surrounded by students also with learning problems, but they picked on him anyway.

Once he left he started at another learning institution, this time surrounded by NT's and the abuse has pretty much escalated. I feel him really sorry, as he is a great chap. He is only a few years younger than me, but he still gets bullied by people much younger than him. I suppose it's because people know he cannot stand up for himself. Actually an older cousin of mine who gets to see him on a regular basis (they live in the same city) treats him very badly. I just don't know what would provoke people to act in this way. I endured plenty of teasing and other forms of bullying too, and I guess it's because of my demeanour.

If you look weak and timid, people will come after you no matter how good a person you may be. I wish your son all the best. It's difficult to try and change ones demeanour, but it may be the only way to stop the abuse. However that will mean your son will focus on trying to defend himself and might lead to him being distracted from his normal behaviours. I guess you just cannot rely on people being good to one another.

He will be 12 in January 2010. I'm tired of schools just shrugging their shoulder's. I would love to remove him and home school him but someone has to put food on the table-namely me. I also wonder how good I'd be at it with my executive dysfunction. Anyway, thanks for your kind thoughts.

The advice I gave my daughter was to observe who else the bullies picked on and form an alliance with that person. She formed an alliance with an overweight girl. The abuse didn't stop but it de-escalated. Would this be an option for your son?

Well, dunno how your state would do this, but the bullying at school can be regarded as a form of harassment, therefore the school and the bullies themselves can be targeted by lawsuit. Whether or not that would do anything, i dont know, but your state/province should have something to combat this issue. Push comes to shove (no pun intended) this would be your last resort, unless there is some sort of "Troubleshooting" involving your local NEWS station.

Possibly, but although I tell him he can be sure that others at his school are being abused as well, he can't see it. That in no way excuses the behavior of course. I've asked him to watch kids who are not bullied and see if he can tell why they are not bullied but that may be more than he can do. I've told him some people feel aggressive if someone is quiet and won't look people in the eye. I don't want him to overcompensate and be someone he isn't. There's nothing wrong with being quiet. (I know you know that ) The principal told me there are 4 other kids with Asperger's at his school. I am doing the complaining rather than my son because I know if he directly complains the abuse will escalate. He just feels so confused about why he is being punished for existing.

I think that, perhaps, to work on his body language would help a little. Fighting back does inhibit some bullies but not all. I used body language and fighting back to stop myself being bullied at school, the bullies became scared and stopped, but I'm female, this may not work with a male as my bf has told me when he fought back they ganged up. Also, I took martial arts training.

I find even now tho, if I stand up straight and look like I'm confident, people usually think I am. Perhaps the bullying would lessen if he looked confident. I hope this has been of help, sorry if it has not been.

The best way to deal with this, IMO, is to change the culture of the school system. There has to be zero tolerance of bullying, it must be dealt with and there must be consequences that are severe enough to stop it.

Yes, I will have to investigate. My rant is not just for my son though but for all the bullied kids. How can we make the schools pay more attention without having to resort to lawsuits? I like my son's school principal. His homeroom teacher is his case manger and she is watching and says she hates bullies. They do care for the most part I think but I also think they are restricted to act on abuse they witness and most of it is happening in the halls between classes. It is particularly bad in gym too. I think the teacher either doesn't notice because there's a lot of physical activity going on anyway or is mistaking it for friendly horseplay. I emailed her this morning and told her my son was being verbally and physically assaulted in her class and as a kid with an ASD he has less ability to cope with the harassment. It seems to me that the bullies are not being punished.

I agree with the others, he is picked on because of how he carries himself. Maybe a martial arts class would be a good option. Not so he can kick their asses, but once you know you can.. people tend to leave you alone.

If you decide to advise him to deck the person next time he is pushed... he will most likely get his ass kicked. Just have him make sure his first punch is a gut shot... it's not fun anymore once they start getting hurt. Make the first punch count.

Schooling seems to be done on the cheap.....if there are incidents of common assault like this happening, they shouldn't be leaving those kids unsupervised. Maybe there's some legal health and safety angle you could use, to put pressure on the school?

I wonder if they can get a have someone to monitor halls between classes. Or maybe they can buddy someone up with your son to and from classes?

My son has not really been bullied yet (that he was aware of anyway, although he has been led to do inappropriate things, which, imo, is bullying on a lower level) and middle school is coming up next year, i have put him in martial arts. It has worked wonders with his hand eye coordination. We practice and he is faster than i am at blocking whatever i throw at him. I have already talked to my son if he is ever in a situation where someone is trying to fight him, block first. Never hit first and if needed, fight back. I told him he may get in trouble, even suspended, but not from me. Any maybe they will back off because they will know he WILL fight back.

At our school there is zero tolerance for bullying. And they take eye witnesses (the children) seriously.

Thanks for your replies. I have to leave so if someone asks a question and doesn't get a response it's just because I'm off to the salt mines. But seriously, I know so many on this site have been bullied. I'm curious as to what, looking back, should have been done differently. It seems to me the schools have to start watching for it. They act like if they don't see it it doesn't exist. I'm talking about schools in general. I was very quiet and almost pathologically shy in school. I was not bullied but just ignored. It used to be that girls were less bullied than boys but I'm not sure that's true anymore. Kids are bombarded with these reality shows where the emphasis is on rejecting and humiliating someone. I think it just makes a bad situation worse.