Issues with "I love you"

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Does anyone here have difficulty saying these words?


I don't see the point in them and don't understand why people must keep hearing them. I know it's like the plant eventually dies and dries up if you don't keep watering it, your car eventually stops running if you don't keep it filled with fuel but it doesn't bother me if I don't hear these words. My husband says them to me a lot and I've told him I don't need to hear it but he says he has to say it when he feels it. I don't understand that. I don't even understand why others can't be like me by not having to keep hearing those words. can't they just tell their own feelings to shut up and toughen up like I did with me when I was over coming my inflexibility?

Every time I try and say them, I can't get them out and I feel so uncomfortable saying them. It only comes natural if my husband does something that made me happy or if I do something good like "I am giving you two pieces because I love you."

Only in real life.

But I've had worse issues with other things. I used to be unable to call people by their name at ALL to them or others. Would make me uncomfortable.

I never tell anyone I love them though unless I do. I don't relaly say it to anyone tbh even family. The only things I cam comfortable saying it to are the cats.

I used to say "I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you " to the cat and not care.

I don't think I ever had issues with names so I don't understand that one. But I don't call strangers by their names unless I know them.


I used to say "I love you" all the time growing up. I said it to everyone, to kids I liked, my friends and I couldn't understand why they didn't like it. Then as I got older, my feelings changed. I didn't even understand the meaning of "I love you" when I was little.

Hi, I'm new. I said this too much to ppl all through my teens pretty much & I wish I didn't. Now it is overrated.

I have issue with saying it because I have difficulty with the feeling itself. I don't know that I have ever really felt love. I am attached to my family and I want them to be happy, but I don't seem to have an emotional tie to these desires.

So, my problem with saying "I love you", is mostly because it feels like a lie because I don't feel the emotion behind the words.

I do say them, however, because I don't want to hurt my family.

Yes, this is a sticking point for me. If someone says it, I'll say it back but I almost never say it first.

I am NT, but have a stickling point for saying "I love you" to someone. In relationships, I often hesitate to say it early on, until way into the relationship...because way too many people toss the term around like it's nothing. I wouldn't tell someone I loved them until I was absolutely sure I was going to spend my life with them.

better to say or express this in act or in deed than in word.

words are cheap. they may build and destroy relationships:
but they cannot heal, or maintain them. words: the source of
so much lies & confusion & untruth. especially when mixed
up w/ emotion. people who abuse or misuse the word "love"
most, are absolutely the ones who understand it the least.

I love you,Spokane.




I don't believe in love to begin with...

I've never really felt sure enough that I know exactly what love is to be able to tell people I love them. It confuses me a bit. If I could get a proper definition then it might be easier but everyone seems to say "you just know"... maybe I just analyse my emotions too much.

I get sick of hearing it and saying. I think people usually know where they stand so I don't know why it has to be said. My boyfriend likes to say it whenever he thinks I'm mad at him. Like he wants to go to a party, but I don't, so I stay home and he texts me "I love you". I find it really irritating, but that's probably because I don't really think we are even in love anymore.

I also have a friend who likes to tell everybody she loves them, but it feels smothering. *back off lady*

However, I love my niece who is 10 weeks old, and I tell her constantly.

I'd probably drive you crazy, OP. When I feel it, I say it.....but it's often for the same reason you do - because the person I'm saying it to has done something to make me happy, or rekindles the feeling. I've said it so much to my daughter that when I say, "Hey, Boo...." she'll look at me and say, "I know - you love me."

There is that sense of "if you don't water it, it won't grow" as well. I'm interpreting your perspective as follows (so I apologize if I'm wrong): love is permanent; when you've decided you love someone, you'll always love them. From my own flawed, NT perspective, love is impermanent - people fall out of love all the time. So in a way, saying "I love you," is a reassurance we give each other - that we love that person just like we did yesterday, last month, last year. Particularly with a parent/child situation, I'm always saying it to my daughter not just because I feel it, but because that (unlike a romantic love situation) I want her to know that my love for her is permanent (kids need to know that even when you discipline them, you still love them).

With romantic love, though, I think saying, "I love you," also goes back to the idea of telling your partner that you'd choose them all over again, that you're staying with them because you want to, that what attracted you to them way-back-when still attracts you. It's kind of easy to do that by saying three little words.

Last edited by HopeGrows on 27 Nov 2009, 3:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes! "I love you" are words that are difficult to say! I used to say it to my ex. Mostly because it seemed appropriate. x) Then I didn't want to say it anymore. It felt too uncomfortable. So I told her that and stopped. Drover her nuts! At least that's what she told me later.

But talking about feelings!.... Geez! That's tough. I usually can't say anything and end up being just quiet. Then I have to say something to break the silence. And it's always stupid.

I even had problems talking about this with my best friend when she mentioned that we had spent so much time together that it would almost be right to start a relationship. I was scared that she had developed a crush on me without me noticing. Terrifying! I just talked jibberish and kept going in circles.

I think I'm a lot like yourself. I will say "I love you" when my family or boyfriend says it to me first. But the the concept of love is strange. It's used in so many different contexts....you "love" a movie vs. you "love" your mom. I also have a problem using one word to describe an emotion that had many, many different components.

I can't comprehend when people say "you just know". I have a feeling that they have never analyzed the concept like you or I and can't say much more than "you just know"....that's the extent of their insight.

That's great you have a lovely husband.
I like to say I love you or I like you when I feel it.
It's sweet to tell your lover how much you love him/her.

when i actually do love a woman it is very easy to say but to do so i also need to feel the sentiment is reciprocated.

i once was involved with a woman who was being unfaithful to me in certain ways. she was often angry with me because i never told her i loved her. i told her as long as she was going out with other men i would never be unable to say i love you. she never got it. she wanted to marry me even while she was still seeing other men. maybe for her she saw it as a way to try to make me jealous or something but it never did; it just drove me away from her more. we haven't dated in over 5 years, during which time she has been shacking up with another man, and she still calls or emails me and asks to see me. same old story. i've realized she will never be able to be happy in a monogamous relationship. she is the kind of woman who always has to have another man on the side. i'm glad i didn't marry her or tell her i loved her.

i would like to tell the woman i am interested presently i love her but it would be a little premature and might put her off a little bit. we do need to get to know each other more, spend more time together (it's a one year LDR and we've met in person two weekends). we've talked on the phone many many hours and i think we know each other pretty well. she's probably an aspie also which actually makes things easier for both of us because we understand each other quite well and share a lot of interests, values, and traits. time will tell. we are both patient and pragmatic.