Women: pickiness and relationship type

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Women (NT ans AS):

How much pickier do you feel you are when you are looking for a relationship that is going to involve a significant time (or general) commitment than when looking for short term relationship/fling? Or are you in fact less picky when you intend the relationship to be committed?

I want a man who isn't lazy, who is neat, isn't really a slob, is clean and can take care of himself, has income. Also someone who isn't needy and clingy.


But I'm married now to the right man.

Generally it is harder to keep an attractive woman's interest than to just turn her on for a while (assuming you aren't ugly/nerdy/poorly dressed.) A lot of times an attractive woman will sleep with a guy that she has no intention of dating.

Well, that totally didn't answer my question, but since you said it, let me ask you: why do you care if a guy is neat?

(clarification--I mean that to Spokane_girl, the other post was made as I was typing this)

I admit that it can be very stressful to constantly have to clean up after a guy. It is always a magical lifting of a burden to date a guy who actually cleans up after himself...unfortunately, for me it has really only happened once, and I was the slob in that relationship...we were really good friends, but he was always flipping out about the minutia of tidiness..and despite my best efforts, I was always a mess.
We did have lots of fun doing laundry together though, and I never had to do dishes...

But what I don't get is, why would you go into a relationship already thinking about spending enough time living together that stuff like one picking up after the other would enter into the equation? Though I guess the fact that Spokane_girl is married suggested she was looking for something long-term, which means maybe she couldn't have answered my question in the first place.

To me, anything where we wouldn't basically still live separate lives is too constraining. Aside from my aspie need for solitude, I would need lots of time to adjust to the very idea of having another person having a big role in my life.

OP, I never dated a guy that (I believed) wasn't a potential candidate for a long-term, committed relationship. So I've always been picky. I think the answer to your question really does depend on the woman involved. I know there are women out there who are able to date around, have fun, not get involved - not looking for Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now. That was never me...whether it was a smart approach or not, I just never felt like I wanted to waste my time dating a guy I couldn't see myself getting serious about. But that's just me - picky, picky, picky.

Range, for real - where do you get these ideas? Yes, there are plenty of women out there who will sleep with men they wouldn't consider dating - but it's less likely those women are attractive women (sad but true, unattractive women can be less successful at attracting bf's than they are at attracting guys who just want to get laid). Any woman can be interested in casual sex - it really doesn't have anything to do with how attractive she is.

I have trouble connecting:

Yes, there are plenty of women out there who will sleep with men they wouldn't consider dating - but it's less likely those women are attractive women.

Any woman can be interested in casual sex - it really doesn't have anything to do with how attractive she is.

Do you mean to say that attractive women who are interested in casual sex usually aren't interested in dating, period (even the most attractive guys)? Or do you mean that attractive women tend to be equally picky about short and long term partners?

I guess I just not affected by what they want,
it does not bug me.

I gave up on dating, so I don't bother thenm,
and they don't bother me.,

I just let live and live.

Because one shouldn't really get into a relationship at all until they're at that point in the thought process? I see relationships as something that happens after the couple has known each other as friends for a while. What I don't get is why would you get into a relationship with someone shortly after meeting them?

But the point is I'd consider some form of intimacy long before even getting close to that point. If you call that still being friends, well, then that's fine.

I am a female professionally diagnosed with AS, and am reasonably picky when it comes to love. I desire only long-term commitment; flings do not interest me in the least. You could say I am very serious about who I will be spending the rest of my life with. I appreciate the following traits: wisdom, intelligence, honesty, dignity, devotion, emotional stability and reliability. A family oriented man with old fashioned charm. Trenchcoats, fedoras, and cigars... think F. Scott without the booze, Ted Hughes without the women. A learned man willing to teach me a few things (seeing as I prefer mental stimulation before anything else, this is primarily what I find attractive in a suitor). Then again, this whole thing may be largely phantasmagorical on my part. I may in fact be better off alone, considering just how unfairly further from perfect I would be from the aforementioned "dream mate".

Because I don't like slobs and I can't stand messes. They gross me out and I can't imagine living that way. My sister in law's is a mess I can't even be there for even a day. I sure wouldn't want to sleep over there. Also it's disgusting to live with a dirty man who never showers and have him stinking up my apartment and dirtying the furniture. I wouldn't want him kissing me if he never brushed his teeth. Even my parent's house is a little disgusting but theirs isn't as bad as my sister in law's. When I lived there, I kept it clean and it was a struggle because my family were slobs and didn't keep things put away and they left messes. My parents come over and comment about my apartment being clean. Even my husband says I keep ours neat. I make him pick up after himself and he does it. Then he says I treat him like a child and says I'm very bossy. But luckily he stays clean.

What answer did you want to hear?

If you re-read my question, you will see that I was trying to compare women's choosiness when looking for a) a short-term arrangement like friends with benefits, casual sex, or a temporary relationship, vs. b) a long-term, committed relationship.

In other words, now much more attractive does a man have to be in order to be OK to commit to, relative to how attractive he has to be for just a few nights of sex and maybe a casual friendship. Or is it less important he be attractive for the long term?

Well then I guess I didn't understand the question then and I thought I did. I see I did answer your long term committed relationship one so I understood part of it.



Now in case I understood your question again, I don't think looks matter. My husband is overweight and he has lost it since we've been together and he is still working at it. I only care about personality and he accepted me for who I am and we had something else in common too.