Not a friend?

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I have an experience with a friend which I don't understand. I went to a one week trip with him to an event where we are supposed to work together. During this time we lived with a relative of mine. Earlier in the trip he appeared annoyed, and uncomfortable when I chose to sit next to him on the train. Throughout the week, he is chatty and talk with people at the event, but not with me. The only day we went out for a break, he walked feet ahead of me, and at a time he walked far head alone when I expressed that I don't feel like going along. His talk with me is usually short and brief. We didn't take much photo, although each of us brought along our camera. He seemed to have improved a bit at the end of the week. At the end of the week, the only photo that someone took of us together, he said he does not want it.

I was pretty upset. I thought that this trip, which I initiated and arranged, is a disaster, and I feel like I want to stay away from him from then on. I didn't show much but that is enough for him to demand why I was not talking to him. I feel like being bullied into say something about what I feel which I only feel comfortable with a friend. And after I said something, I feel part of me was gone.

I'm sorry. His behaviour with you means he can't stand you, but will be semi-polite when he has to. Be as polite as you're capable of with him. All of us have to work sometimes with people we detest. Accept it like you accept bad weather.

Nope, I dont think that's a real friend alright... I had that issue so many times before

One of my friends had done that to me recently, I was so devistated... We used to get on and everything when we was at school, but when i left, he took my girl away, he had not spoken to me in ages and I never did anything wrong to him....?
Was it because I was different coloured skinned to the others? apparently my school was in the most racist area's in london

By the way, im sorry to hear about that.... Have you asked him why?

Are you sure you were really friends with this guy? He doesn't sound interested at all. Actually, it sounds like the way I usually try to avoid overly-clingy people.

If he really is your friend he isn't acting like one

I guess I am not good at reading other people's, at least his, behavior. I feel that if he didn't want to come with me to this trip at all, he should just say it outright. It seems that he wanted to come to this trip, interact only when necessary, and he's merrier go about his own way.

He got a bit better later in the trip. Still he was very much silent all the way.

A week later a bunch of my friends and him was invited to play games. He didn't mention a word about it to me, although I asked him many times if we could play. It was one of my friend who invited me. Later I asked him why he hated me. He asked me to produce evidence that he does. I didn't say much. He was annoyed and refused to talk to me afterward.

After a few weeks I asked him to come to my house for dinner. I was surprised that he quickly said yes. He was late... as usual. It was rainy that day so I brushed it aside. He appeared happy. By now I couldn't tell if he really was or he was just faking it.

Our friendship or whatever had gone downhill. I was afraid that if we are ever working again, I will be in the situation like what I used to be.

I am aware that we can't hear his version of events, but I am not liking small things about what I hear about him.

"Later I asked him why he hated me. He asked me to produce evidence that he does. "

A true friend would be very concerned about such a perception on your part.


"After a few weeks I asked him to come to my house for dinner. I was surprised that he quickly said yes. He was late... as usual."

Did he apologise for being late? If he didn't, I'd suspect that he's treating you like an handy doormat that lays on meals and accommodation, and a doormat that is not behaving like a good doormat sometimes, asking irritating questions and not just being quiet and doling out good things.

I just want to say that I'm sorry. He doesn't seem to have behaved like a friend. That's not your fault. If he had issues, he should have told you. NTs can be friends with auties, but they need to be honest... I'm sorry that this man wasn't honest. I'm not NT, but I do know NTs who are honest about their feelings. I'm on friendly terms with some of them. This guy isn't treating you with respect... and that's not your fault. It's not because you're autie/aspie either... it's because this guy isn't being straight with you.

One of my best (NT) friends started off by saying some things she was afraid would be "hurtful" to me... but it turned out that I wasn't hurt by honesty, since I could recognise what she was saying, and she was just grateful she could be straight with me. We're still friends twenty years later, I'm her daughter's God mother.

So, what I'm saying is, if an NT snubs you, don't think it's necessarily your fault. NTs and aspies can be friends. We just have to be honest with each other.

Your "friend" is dishonest. That is not your problem, but his.

I find it very difficult to deal with dishonest people, especially people who do not express their feelings honestly. I find them depressing and wearing down my life. Am I complaining too much.

I was like this when I was younger. But I didn't realise it, only when the person became very nasty the penny dropped.
It is clear that he didn't/doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Whe people turn or walk away when you arrive, it means that they don't want to interact with you or they don't like you. When they read a book or news paper they don't want to talk.

This is very much a relationship on his terms. He is late for an appointment. Only gives you attention when he feels like and he doesn't care about you. Why can he not just tell you what is wrong and be honest. It seems the relationship is coming from one side only; your side. I agree with that he is using you. It's easy when you have no other girlfriend, you will do do for now.
It's a nasty situation. Please take what the other people on the forum are saying, they are right.