How many people here are polyamorous?

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I've seen a few people mention it and I was just curious as to how many of us poly types were here? Don't feel obliged to answer if you're not cofortable doing so. I know not everyone is ok talking about it in public. Also feel free to post your thoughts on poly relationships or ask questions

So yes, poly and poly relationships; who dunnit? lol

I never thought that poly-amory would be big in the Aspie population. It seems too much like multi-tasking to me.

It depends. Having several friends who're also casual sex partners could be a lot easier than maintaining a monogamous long term relationship. For me, it would definitely be a suitable way to fill the gap between my last relationship and a new relationship in the future.... If only I knew how to convince my exes

Yeah but polyamory is different from having fcuk buddies though lol.

So you're talking about classic polygamy? That seems unfeasible for most of us since a monogamous relationship is already quite a challenge...

I wonder if the appeal for some is that they imagine that they could be lost in a crowd, so to speak. Slip in for a bit of sex, not really have to talk, and leave. And because there is more than one person left, theoretically they can talk to each other, and the leaver's conscience is appeased. Lol.

I don't know. It's not something that appeals to me, and the above is just conjecture.

Well I think I've seen 2 or 3 people mention it so far. I was just curious more than anything.

I have 2 partners.

My main partner Flakey and my other partner who I have not thought up a nickname for so I usually call him my AS-ish friend.

Flakey has 2 partners...I am his primary and his other girl is more of his secondary....I guess...

I have my own room where my friend sleeps when he is over here...and sometimes I will sleep in there with him and flakey's other partner will spend the night....but for the first year of our relationship, we had scheduled days every week where I would go to his house.

Howyousay....um...
It is my first poly relationship and it didn't happen magically overnight..it was a long winding road...

It was many years before I could grasp how a poly relationship could work...but my main partner was poly-inclined when I met him...and that ended up being the path we went down eventually...after being together for several years and one breakup of several months...

It works out because:

a. my partner is poly-inclined...and in the absence of consensual polyamory, he was prone to infidelity

b. I am often off in my own world and unable to give him the attention and support that he requires..and I am tempestuous and not always fun to be around...

c. our day to day lives are often so stressful that we need a break from each other...in lieu of comfortably being able to have "other friends" to hang out with, I have my other partner who is my friend...that is the way it also seems to be for Flakey and his other partners...

d. My other partner is a very aspie-ish person, and it is very difficult for him to maintain normal romantic relationships, and he has not had very many...he is shy..he is particular...he has meltdowns...he requires a lot of understanding...
We are very well-bonded as we have known each other for almost as long as I have known Flakey...We are both silly child-like left-handed weirdos...who have difficulty with most other people...at the same time, I think it might be very hard for us to to live together on our own...he really needs his own space..just like I need someone with a little more stability and maturity to bounce off of....
I am basically better than "no girlfriend at all"..and technically he has the option of seeing someone else, should someone else come along...he's not my property...

My partners get along...we have all been friends for a long time...we are in a band together even....

It is not a common relationship, it didn't just fall out of the sky, and it requires work....but so far it has worked out.

I am not the only poly-aspie on the board, but I tend to talk about it a lot because it has been a sort of fixation...I tend to repeat myself...and I tend to talk about my AS-ish friend's traits often because he has a lot of them...

The only polyamorous relationships I'm willing to participate in are ones where everyone loves everyone. If they're done right, they can be good for everyone.

I would consider myself of a polygamous mindset simply because it's more logical to follow it. Humans are more biologically inclined to be polygamous creatures, and further, though this is anecdotal evidence, monogamy seems to be incredibly much more difficult to maintain; in addition, I'm not one to see a point to disallow a partner access to someone else she might fancy, it simply doesn't seem right to me. Lastly, though they seem to be rarer, polygamous persons seem to on the whole, have happier relationships, at least all of the ones I know personally.

If the participants don't love each other, it's not polyamory, it's just a really wild party.

My wife has two husbands, although for legal reasons she can only be married to one of us at a time (for practical reasons, it's her other husband; he's in the military, and can provide dependent medical coverage for her and our children). There was another woman who was being considered for marrying into our group, but my cohusband was PCSed to the Northwest, and she didn't want to move with us. I fathered our daughter, and passed on my peculiar gene complexes to her, which explains her Kanner's autism. J fathered our son, and gave him ADD. (So don't say we never gave you anything, kids! ) The arrangement works for us - she can turn to me for those moments when she needs logic and objectivity, and to him for emotional support and comfort; I can help him when he needs to calm down and consider, he helps me understand NTs better; and since we all love games, we can be certain that there are always going to be at least three of us to play Munchkin or Ninja Burger at any given moment. Sometimes, it helps that we outnumber the kids, too!

I couldn't be in a poly relationship - I'm not that good at sharing.

The theory is nice, but I have only once been in a relationship where the women didn't jealously guard their 'prize'.

Saddens me though. I never put an exclusion on love nor would I set an expiration date for my feelings for one I did love previously.

All the women who once touched my heart became part of my heart. I could no longer remove the feelings I had for them any more than I could remove a piece of my heart.

I know what you mean.

I know about this phenomenon, but haven't experienced it personally, where is the line drawn between swingers who are close friends and polyamourous people?

Best I can tell, polyamory is either a situation created by those individuals able to feel multiple 'romantic' attractions to the point of having multiple sexual partners, or a loose collection of people who don't have the wherewithal for a truly committed one-on-one. Sometimes, it's probably a little of both. I have a feeling polyamory as a theory may be more common in people with ASDs and BiPDs, for different reasons. Practically, it may be hard to manage because of a lack of focus or desire. Overall, though, I think wiring is a huge contributor to those who want and manage polyamory. I don't think monogamy is biologically absent in the human population, and I've noticed it does seem to be a natural tendency that runs in families.

I personally cannot manage polyamory/polygamy/polyandry at all, and I have tried. While I only have some mild AS traits, both my partners had much more prominent traits, one seeming more truly AS than the other. It wasn't jealousy or an inability to multitask that caused me to be unable to follow through; it was that it was harmful for a handful of reasons. First, I was doing it because I didn't want my previous partner to feel left out. Guilt-ridden, I felt in my position that I owed him, and he was very open, even enthusiastic-seeming, about having a 'poly' relationship. Another reason I tried at all for 'poly' was fear losing the close friendship I'd had with the previous guy. I had to do away with that before it did more psychological harm to any of us involved. Funny enough, since we haven't been sexual together in years he's tried out other people and come to the realization he's very polyamorous, not minding whatsoever if his partners have other partners, and having the ability to feel limerence toward more than one person at a time. Something fundamentally had never clicked between us, and this must have been one of those things--I could sense it but not define it.

To me, feeling attraction to more than one person to the point where I want to actually be sexually, intimately involved with them, happens extremely infrequently. Sex, to me, is something to be shared with one person, cleanly, closely, and intensely. It's so much more natural and rewarding for me to be with one person for life, that the idea of trying to be with anyone else in the same way gives me an instant aversion that feels similar to how most people feel when thinking of being sexual with their blood relatives or best friends of a non-preferred gender.