Major issues going to grandmas xmas eve.

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I have been going to my grandmas xmas eve for as long as I can remember. Last 10 years or so i have not been looking forward to it. My cousin disrespected me and laughed in my face about it. The only people I respect and care about there are my grandma and my uncle Rocky. Last 5 years or so I have gone up to grandmas in the afternoon before xmas eve just so my grandma can see me. But I still have issues going up there and being socialble. I don't see the point, I don't care about the gifts or anything like that anymore. I get drained doing it. Last night when I tryed to sleep I woke up halfway through the night and I was shaking with the thought of going up there and being sociable and doing something I am totally against doing. This is the first time I have had a pyhsical reaction to something like this. Not sure what I should do.

If the actual reason for going there is to see your grandma and uncle, would it be possible to go there when the other people aren't there? If you explain that you love them, and would like to see them, and are trying to make sure that you do that, just not have trouble with the people who don't care, they might understand, and love you as you are, and see you for the sake of seeing you?

I am going there when the others are not there. But I am still getting majoy annxitiy over it. Its the act of going there and being social when I feel its a total waste of time. Serves nothing.

My grandma does not know about my AS. She is pretty old and I don't think would understand and get offended if I told her.

I'd also go when the other's won't be there.

I'm not going to my x-mas party this year.. it's mostly for the kids to open presents/enjoy themselves. I don't know any of them, they're all cousins, god knows how many of them there are. Not to mention I've been up since 2300 last night working..

Ken, my son has AS. He is 11 and despises, like all the rest of us, going to my wife's grandmother for Christmas. My wife hates it. The cousins she grew up with hate it. There isn't a single person in that house, other than grandmother and the few of the under-5 set, that actually want to be there. Torture. Everyone gets there, says hi and looks at the door wondering when they can slip out. Worse yet, no beer is served (kidding but true).

I don't know how much of your problem is AS related and how much is the realization that this is an utter, complete waste of time. We are sold on the idea that Christmas is about "the family"... how many of us can honesty say that we love being with our extended families -- cousins, nieces and whoever that we have nothing in common with.

You sound as though you are a teenager, although you didn't give your age; you are old enough now to say to your parents that you are uncomfortable going, that you are suffering anxiety at the very thought of it, and that you'd be more than happy to visit your grandmother another time all alone. Part of growing up is exerting your authority. Just say no.

Speaking for me, I stopped going after 15 years of it. I am staying home with my dog.

You can visit your grandmother any time. I hate Christmas too, the happy family? Where? No, it is uncomfortable. I hate the tv programs and films, it's false. Jesus wasn't even born on the 25th of December, they got that wrong and all. Why do we all have to be happy with Christmas. I stay at home on my own with the two cats. You know what you should do; emigrate to another part of the world, that will give you an excuse.
No why should you get worked up about a visit to your grandmother, there is no need for it, it is needless torture. Perhaps you can go for a little while and leave before the rest of the family comes. Or you could tell them you have the Swine flu.

This post's a bit late for the Christmas Eve visit, but I was looking through a few posts on the Haven to do with Christmas. You were right to decide to visit your grandmother when the others were not there, considering the severe anxiety if they were. I hope you had a wonderful time. I myself tend to suffer severe anxiety over Christmas because it is about family, which when spending Christmas or any time there can be a threatening, abusive and definitely an aggressive environment for me. And this year my anxiety has been even worse coming up to Christmas. It's a long story (including that severe weather conditions here would likely have prevented me making it anyway) but I suffered a sudden, severe breakdown last night (Christmas Eve) which made me unable for sure to go to spend Christmas in such a potentially aggressive environment. I had other options for how to spend Christmas and had a good day. So you people are right to choose not to spend Christmas in situations that cause you anxiety.