Should I ask a friend for help over a relationship?

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amyst
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28 Dec 2009, 7:28 pm

Someone recently asked me, if I would like to talk with him about what's been troubling me. We don't know each other too well. For the little that we know, we enjoy each other's presence. Earlier, I suggested to him that I may leave school.

He's the only person in my school who knows about my involvement in this hobby. What has been troubling me was a hobby-kind of relationship with a friend of mine, that went terribly wrong that is running my school, career, and friendship.

I really, really, really don't want to pull off this person who kindly asked me. I want him to help me, and I am wondering how I can do that in a constructive manner. I don't understand all the social norms of asking friends for help, over a relationship with another friend.

I feel that if I tell him that my hobby cost my career, that forces me to change school, I am afraid that he will think me as a failure and not talk to me anymore. I really want to be able to enjoy my hobby despite what happened. I don't know if I can ask him about it despite what happened.



Cookiemobsta
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28 Dec 2009, 9:51 pm

I think you should definitely talk to this friend of yours. If they are willing to help, and you want them to help, there's no reason why you shouldn't tell them about some of the problems you are having. The two things you should keep in mind when talking to this friend are
1) Don't bad mouth the friend you were in the hobby-relationship with. If they hurt you, you can say that, but try to avoid attacking their character or personality or whatever--stick to the facts of what they did.
2) Don't unload everything all at once. Talk to your friend about one or two problems, then hear what they have to say. If they give you good advice and seem willing to keep listening, then later you can tell them more. (Or, if they ask, you can tell them more right away.) You just don't want to unload everything on someone right away if you're not sure they want to hear everything, especially since you don't know him that well, so you should unpack things in stages.
Hope that helps!



Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2009, 10:26 pm

YES!

Your friends are often the best people to discuss such things with.


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