Girlfriend cheats on you... do you care?

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You think your current girl/boy friend is cheating on you outside of your relationship - would it bother you? And if so, what would you do?

First, cheating is intentionally vague, as some people think kissing, making out or sex is all cheating. Cheating is whatever you think cheating is.

Second, remember, this is a girl/boy friend and not a spouse or someone with whom you have taken vows (e.g. handfasting, marriage, etc.) to remain with solely and forever. As a spouse or SO has very different rules.

Third, you "think" they're cheating. You don't have hard proof, but have a nagging suspicion with minor bits and pieces (e.g. phone records, deleted email/text messages, hard to get hold of).

Why am I asking? A lot of people here are literally dying for a relationship. However, many relationships are fraught with challenges, and infidelity is one of them. I'm curious if turning a blind eye, due to desperation, is prevalent.

It's hard to say if I would really care, it would depend on what type of person she really is. The girls of today are completely untrustworthy as far as I'm concerned; they are devious and deceitful. Girls I know cheat on their boyfriends all the time like it's no big deal, a girl I know keeps pleading for me to go on a date with her yet she has a boyfriend(and it annoys the hell out of me). if I was in a relationship with a girl that was shallow and somewhat fake I wouldn't care if she cheated because I would expect it; especially if I were stupid enough to go out with the girl who has a boyfriend. However if I found a girl that was truly genuine and kind and trust worthy and she cheated, I'd be a bit shocked but I'd get over it. I'd just move on and never see her again; that's life. I feel that I shouldn't care about anyone too much right now, I'm young and I need to experience things, even if it means going out with a few hussies first.

I would care. I'm an incredibly jealous person. If someone cheats, I'm finished with them forever.

If you have not taken a vow, consider yourself lucky. Move on. Cheating before marriage can only lead to cheating after marriage. Also, marriage doesn't "fix" anything, it actually just makes it that much more challenging. So don't fool yourself into thinking that "If only we got married they would stop cheating".

I once thought girl-x (I just call her that) was into
these "open reshiposs" where we would each bring
another into the square, making 4 parties and then
swap mack and forth.

But I guess for some weird reason girl-x
did not want ME kissing girl-J????

I thought it was what she wanted so I
tried it before I knocked it, girl-x was
a boogarface about it.

So I dropped both of them and gave up
on the hol stupid thing.

being cheated on, lied to, robbed/swindled/used (it's all the same), or undermined are all pretty serious indications of an individual that is not only misguided but is rotten to the core. whether you discovered the not-so-nice reality or it is made clear to you by a mutual friend, your partner themselves, or the other person is of little consequence.

what happened, happened... there is no excuse, there is no "i got drunk, and it just happened"... there is no "but i needed the **insert something of value** and i did not know how to ask"... if someone is incapable of honesty or incapable of keeping their pants on around random people/their friends/their ex partner/your friends when they get on it, do you really want to continue spending more time with them? can you continue to put your trust and energy into a relationship with them?

...i couldn't.

as a good rule to remember, people do not change - they only become better at concealing their flaws. wave goodbye, walk away, it will be easier... take it in your stride and learn the lesson. this doesn't mean that you have to approach every situation cynically (not outwardly anyway!), it just means that you have more reference material for cross checking behaviours and this will help you to make better decisions regarding interactions with potential and current partners, friends, and associates.

there is the potential to be able to develop an intellectual understanding of what would be considered acceptable behaviours or interactions... if your BS alert is flashing like a beacon in your mind... if you find suspicious snippets of information or glaring inconsistencies(!)... if you detect deception in interacting with the person... walk away.

also, not being good with eye contact does not mean that you should ignore body language (use your peripheral vision!)... see without looking, hear without listening. you may struggle with body language or patterns of behaviour to start with but building a mental reference over time is not impossible.

do not dwell on pain, but do not forget the lesson.

I think deceit and betrayal are the worst things you can do to someone. It's far better to be enemies from the beginning than to stab someone in the back.

My main partner cheated on me..he had a major affair that lasted several months right under my nose, and then, once we got over that major breach in the integrity of our relationship, he did it again.
The first one, he'd justified as being my fault because I had left him for several months and he was both still emotionally involved with the girl he was dating while I was gone AND he was getting back at me for leaving him, even though one of the reasons I left him was that I felt insecure because he was always flirting with other women and pressuring me to be polyamorous...

blah...it's a long story, and right now it is an open wound...

I was not trying to bash him...he is just polyamorous by nature...he is not "rotten to the core" He cheated because he could not be open about it without losing me...

Nonetheless, it changed the context of our relationship forever.

Now it seems so silly..I don't mind at all when he sleeps with other girls as long as he is careful. ...
Fidelity is no longer the crux of our relationship....Granted, we have issues...

At the time that I found out, I was devastated. I wanted to kill myself...What was worse was that everybody knew it was going on except for me...I am that easily fooled....

When it started happening again, it was ugly...he would encourage me to go out street busking so he could go off on adventures.
I became emotionally detached from him to a certain degree when he went on a spree in the car that my dad had just bought us the day before.

but as he always argues...this all happened years ago...

I consider flirting to be cheating. When I date a woman, there's no one else for me, why should there be for her? When I have feelings for a girl, a model could show up at my front door naked, and I'd tell her to go back to where she came from. Why should I expect anything less out of the woman I'm dating?

My friend made a move on my girlfriend, and I swear, if I had a driver's license, I might have ended up in jail.

I'm not a hypocrite about it, because when I'm in a relationship, I don't even check out other women on the street, let alone flirt with another woman or physically cheat. I put my all into the relationship, and expect nothing but the same in return.

Its a given that I'd care. Whether it breaks up the relationship or not depends on whether its an isolated incident or whether it seems to be part of a broader underlying psychological/behavioral pattern on their part.

i have never been cheated on - but i HAVE been emotionally, mentally, verbally abused by my ex-girlfriend. to me - the abuse hurts as much as - if not more - then getting cheated on.