Jean Rhys
Is anyone else here familiar with her or as obsessed as me?
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The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of.
Not just any writer, a brilliant writer! I especially love Good Morning, Midnight.
What is it that makes me obsessed with her or obsessive in general do you mean?
I like the fact that she thought and acted similar to me. Her life was reflected in her books, she wrote in order to understand herself. I used to write a lot as a teen and can relate to that. She's also fascinating, sad and beautiful.
Here's an extract from Good Morning, Midnight:
"I only came in here to inquire the way to the nearest cinema. I am a respectable woman, une femme convenable, on her way to the nearest cinema. Faites comme les autres -- that's been my motto all my life. Faites comme les autres, damn you.
And a lot he cares -- I could have spared myself the trouble. But this is my attitude to life. Please, please, monsieur et madame, mister, missis and miss, I am trying so hard to be like you. I know I don't succeed, but look how hard I try. Three hours to choose a hat; every morning an hour and a half trying to make myself look like everybody else. Every word I say has chains round its ankles; every thought I think is weighted with heavy weights. Since I was born, hasn't every word I've said, every thought I've thought, everything I've done, been tied up, weighted, and chained? And, mind you, I know that with all this I don't succeed. Or I succeed in flashes only too damned well. . . . But think how hard I try and how seldom I dare. Think -- and have a bit of pity. That is, if you ever think, you apes, which I doubt.
Now the waiter has finished telling me how to get to the nearest cinema.
'Another Pernod,' I say."
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The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of.
Pardon me, a brilliant writer then
I meant obsessed with her in particular.
That's a really nice piece of text, actually.
I don't have the patience for books, but I like shorter text fragments.
I like how she goes from this emotional, well, sort of rant, right into "IF YOU THINK AT ALL YOU APES".
Sudden changes like that somehow amuse me.
Have your read all of her books? Know her biography by heart? And such?
By the way, I read in your profile you like Sarah Kane.
About four years ago, when I was into acting, we used a truly amazing monologue from a play she wrote.
It was called Crave. I tried looking up some online full script of it, but couldn't find it.
I only had the monologue on a piece of paper, so I typed it out on the computer to keep for eternity.
OH MY GOD - I just tried again, and found the English version of the monologue (only had it in Dutch).
That's so awesome. I was going to ask you if you had it. But here it is:
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want want you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont' want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.
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