Almost certainly aspergers, what a freakin relief!
02 Mar 2006, 3:22 pm
Hello, first a synopsis of my quirks that say aspergers/autism to me
* For many years I walked with a pronounced forward lean, lerned to walk semi-normally, though still a bit stiff.
* As a child, I wandered around alone "just thinking" for entire days.
* As a child, I Liked to climb trees and stare down at the world for hours.
* Can't recall ever having a long term friend at any school I attended. Had one (1) in college.
* have had lots of temporary friends, usually compulsive liars because I would believe everything they said for a lot longer than anyone else. Only a glaring logical contradiciton would "out" them to me.
* I have one friend that I talk to on the phone once a month. he lives a 20 hour drive away. He has AS, and his telling me that is what made me look into it. When we talk, we basically both go on and on about our special interests, but since we are doing the same thing, it kind of satisfies the need we both felt to interact socially I suppose.
* reading at the college level by 2nd or third grade.
* compulsively read books up to 4-5 a day for years & years.
* I am incapable of having two interests at the same time, one is always all consuming. This can cause problems at work. My current special interest is AS.
* never looking people in the eye until college, then looking them in the eye an inappropriately long length of time, then learning how long to look in the eye to not make people uncomfortable, but getting absolutely nothing from it. I can talk or read facial expressions usually, never both. I read facial expressions intellectually and am sure I miss nuance and any realtion between the words and the expression.
* Looking at social interaction like a big game of chess. if they open with the queens gambit, I know which pawn to move. If they do something off the wall, I have no idea.
* completely misreading social situations and never knowing when to shut up.
* always completely obsessed with something, one thing, then just as easily switch to a new all consuming obsession.
* allergic to dairy, lactaid doesn't help.
* allergic to gluten
* sometimes, when agitated, I will unconciously pace in patterns in a public space. I "wake up" and remember I was there to buy toothpaste, but sometimes will unconciously go back to pacing no matter how hard I try.
* just today my boss came in and complained about my "tone" in an e-mail being accusatory. I had no idea. This is a frequent occurence, I always thought the other people were misreading, maybe it was me.
* no-one in my department likes me, I have fooled the people I don't work with normally to some degree. Some of them look at me like I'm crazy occasionally and I don't know why.
* I think in picutres. I got a perfect score on the 3d visualization part of an IQ test by building and rotating the models in my head. Organic chemistry was really easy for me, i just created the molecules in my head and could observe them in any configuration, or any reaction i would see it happen, virtually.
* I never lunch with co-workers, and can't see why anyone would want to.
* Dating was hell, I would latch on to someone completely, or be disinterested completely but stay with them just for someone to date. I never understood the whole dynamic, it was always about me and I never could see that. Now i can see it, but it is damn hard to break free from that mode of thought.
* never have cried when a pet or close family member dies.
* have lots of emotions, and care deeply about certain people, but have no clue how to express this, and since they already know how I feel, it really never occurs to me to even try to express these things.
* I do not know my hair is messed up until I see co-workers staring at the top of my head during meetings. I have accidentally ended up with dreadlocks now and again due to forgetting to shower for an extended period.
* Sometimes I will be in a social situation and cannot remember if I just picked my nose in front of a whole room of people.
* multiple people have told me I am the weirdest person they have ever met.
* I drove my VW cross country alone many times. 10-14 hours alone at the wheel with no raido is nirvana. There is enough going on I don't get depressed, but no people to worry about if I will piss them off or not.
It is really a relief to know all of these things are out of my control to some degree, and why the feel of a popsicle stick on my teeth makes me want to jump out of my own skin, and why i can only say "i cant" when people ask me to stop obsessing on my current preoccupation.
On the other hand, there are some of these things that I likely will never fix or break free from. There are some things I am just not capable of it would appear, and though I can possilby fake them due to a high IQ I will never know what it would feel like to really experience these things as most people do.
I wish I didn't do things this way, because it makes life hard to be surrounded by people I will never understand and who will always have their eyes glaze over in the middle of me just getting warmed up.
My superior intelligence is the only reason I am even slightly employable. I can fake social interaction well enough to do OK in formal meeting type settngs now that I am on ADD meds, and if my girlfriend has reminded me to fix my hair and shower. People usually like me until they get to know me, then I screw up on some unwritten rule and its funny looksville & quick duck-outs for good.
I have a psychiatrist and psychologist due to add and hospitalizations for major depression. I have explained my findings to them, but they are unfamiliar with AS. I will bring documentation to subsequent meetings and expect a diagnosis due to how freaking obvious it is. If they do not do so, any tips on where to go? The only thing that makes me think they might not is I have become very good at faking social stuff up to a point. I tell the same jokes and stories because I know they make people laugh. I don't find the jokes funny myself, it is rather like I am playing a violin. If I make the right word combination, the person will laugh and I know that makes them happy. If they don't laugh, I have no idea why usually.
This was all probably repetitive and way too long but oh well, that probably is typical too.
So, does anyone have any doubt that I'm in the right place?
take care,
Jester
02 Mar 2006, 6:02 pm
Emu Egg
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 1
New postPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 6:22 am Post subject: Almost certainly aspergers, what a freakin relief! Reply with quote
Hello, first a synopsis of my quirks that say aspergers/autism to me
What amazes me is how we find out about aspergers. I was outed by my
employer, someone else a school councelor, someone else ?insert source
of awareness. What was your source to look aspergers up?
= Ok!
* As a child, I wandered around alone "just thinking" for entire days.
= would apply from my point of view!
* As a child, I Liked to climb trees and stare down at the world for hours.
= Ok!
* Can't recall ever having a long term friend at any school I attended. Had one (1) in college.
= That would seem applicable from my view
* have had lots of temporary friends, usually compulsive liars because I would believe everything they said for a lot longer than anyone else. Only a glaring logical contradiciton would "out" them to me.
= "Be my friend" syndrome would apply in my view
Good for him! Hmmmmmm? describe your friendship further, if you chose to do so?
This is where I find a falicy. I have tried to work with special interest NT's
and was ignored in what I do that is special about me. They hung in groups and
I was left out.
This also applies to Aspies as well. We may post on this board, but are subjected
to cliques regardless of similar special interests.
Here is a example:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.htm ... viewresult
And the point is regardless of Neurotypical or Aspie, If Another person
had this interest, they would have many posts and responses(there are a
few on this board with this interest), but if I write it they behave like
ignoring neurotypicals.
So don't be fooled by this psuedo-interactive myth that aspie of similar interest
will talk to each other.
= Aspie indeed!
* compulsively read books up to 4-5 a day for years & years.
= Aspie indeed!
* I am incapable of having two interests at the same time, one is always all consuming. This can cause problems at work. My current special interest is AS.
= Aspie indeed!
* never looking people in the eye until college, then looking them in the eye an inappropriately long length of time, then learning how long to look in the eye to not make people uncomfortable, but getting absolutely nothing from it. I can talk or read facial expressions usually, never both. I read facial expressions intellectually and am sure I miss nuance and any realtion between the words and the expression.
= Aspie indeed!
* Looking at social interaction like a big game of chess. if they open with the queens gambit, I know which pawn to move. If they do something off the wall, I have no idea.
= Aspie indeed!
* completely misreading social situations and never knowing when to shut up.
= Aspie indeed!
* always completely obsessed with something, one thing, then just as easily switch to a new all consuming obsession.
= Aspie indeed!
= I don't think allergies applies to aspie only! Just my opinion!
Alot of Neurotypicals have special allergies.
* allergic to gluten
= Look at prior statement!
= Aspie indeed!
* just today my boss came in and complained about my "tone" in an e-mail being accusatory. I had no idea. This is a frequent occurence, I always thought the other people were misreading, maybe it was me.
= Aspie indeed!
Hmmmmm? What kind of job do you do?
= Aspie indeed!
* I think in picutres. I got a perfect score on the 3d visualization part of an IQ test by building and rotating the models in my head. Organic chemistry was really easy for me, i just created the molecules in my head and could observe them in any configuration, or any reaction i would see it happen, virtually.
= Aspie indeed!
* I never lunch with co-workers, and can't see why anyone would want to.
= Aspie indeed!
* Dating was hell, I would latch on to someone completely, or be disinterested completely but stay with them just for someone to date. I never understood the whole dynamic, it was always about me and I never could see that. Now i can see it, but it is damn hard to break free from that mode of thought.
= Aspie indeed!
= Not sure if that is aspie or not?
* have lots of emotions, and care deeply about certain people, but have no clue how to express this, and since they already know how I feel, it really never occurs to me to even try to express these things.
= Aspie indeed!
* I do not know my hair is messed up until I see co-workers staring at the top of my head during meetings. I have accidentally ended up with dreadlocks now and again due to forgetting to shower for an extended period.
= I don't think absent-mindedness is only a aspie thing, I think it may fall into NT's as well.
* Sometimes I will be in a social situation and cannot remember if I just picked my nose in front of a whole room of people.
= Aspie indeed!
* multiple people have told me I am the weirdest person they have ever met.
= Veryyyyy Aspie!
* I drove my VW cross country alone many times. 10-14 hours alone at the wheel with no raido is nirvana. There is enough going on I don't get depressed, but no people to worry about if I will piss them off or not.
= Not sure! Hmmmmmm?
It is really a relief to know all of these things are out of my control to some degree, and why the feel of a popsicle stick on my teeth makes me want to jump out of my own skin, and why i can only say "i cant" when people ask me to stop obsessing on my current preoccupation.
= Aspie? or not?
On the other hand, there are some of these things that I likely will never fix or break free from. There are some things I am just not capable of it would appear, and though I can possilby fake them due to a high IQ I will never know what it would feel like to really experience these things as most people do.
= Aspie indeed!
I wish I didn't do things this way, because it makes life hard to be surrounded by people I will never understand and who will always have their eyes glaze over in the middle of me just getting warmed up.
= Aspie indeed. Feeling self-conscious is one of the exterior symptoms in my opinion.
That is a good thing! most have difficutly in employment issues
Aspie's have this unnatural ability to scare people off!
Good luck in this investment into research for a diagnoses.
So, does anyone have any doubt that I'm in the right place?
take care,
And you too, take care and good luck!
Sincerely,
Ghosthunter
02 Mar 2006, 6:04 pm
Jester, you are welcome here, formal dx or no.
It is a problem for adults to get a good diagnois. Most learn coping skills and can "pass." If you can't get a good answer from your current doctors (and even if you can) you might want to call your state's Autism Society and ask for recommendations of doctors with experance in adults.
Again, welcome.
BeeBee
20 Mar 2006, 4:01 pm
>> I drove my VW cross country alone many times. 10-14 hours alone at the wheel with no raido is nirvana. There is enough going on I don't get depressed, but no people to worry about if I will piss them off or not.
Jester,
Welcome to wp. imho this is definitely an aspie trait. I just finished a little 6 day trip of my own. Each evening I check into the hotel early, order room service, and just relax.
