Marriage

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My reply to someone post in another post gave me an idea to start this thread. The person in the linked thread mentioned something about arguing with his girlfriend, followed by the question "Is this a typical evening?"

This led me to think: do we still need marriage in our society? In the old days (as in before the 1960's), marriage made sense: it created a stable family, due to its strictly defined roles. Just think of Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver. Nowadays, marriage is still practiced mainly because it worked in the past, and it's too much of a hassle to change it. (Like that IBM mainframe; "hey, it still works") When it becomes unbearable for two people to live together, they can't just break up and get the hell away from each other. Instead, they have to go through messy divorce proceedings, where the wealthier of the two partners can lose half of the assets. The damage can be even worse of one partner is an aspie, and the other is NT.

At the rate our society is going, marriage as we know it is going to disappear completely by the 22nd century. There just seems to be no need for it anymore. Sadly, people's dedication to make marriages work are nowhere near as strong enough as they once were. As a result, the formal institution of marriage is losing ground. The only reason a lot people marry nowadays is because they feel like they have to, and due to the media feeding them the images of a "perfect wedding" and "marital bliss". Both of these concepts are bullsh**! !! Who in their right mind would give up tons of freedom when they don't have to? (This goes for both men and women, although from my perspective, men seem to lose the most freedom in a marriage.) It's only a matter of time until there'll be a major backlash against this ridiculous formal institution.

I think the problem with marriage today is not the concept of marriage, but the parties' expectations. People go into a marriage today like they do a job - figuring if it doesn't work out, a better one will come along. Back in the day, that wasn't the thought process, about marriage, or about work.

Since the 70's we have become a nation of me-firsters in a drive through society. Most girls I knew who got married (I'm 43, to give you perspective) gave more thought to the wedding then to the actual marriage.

Marriage is essential - it binds people together. Not just legally, but by creating lasting family ties and bonds. Without it, we would be a nation of individuals, seperate, single people, with no lasting connection to one another.

I also happen to be an NT married to an aspie. Things would have been easier in the beginning if I had known that from the get go, but you deal with it. He is the first person in my life to love me unconditionally. It can work. It does, for many people. Even aspie/NT couples.

I don't think marriage is ridiculous, I do think the way people only think about the wedding is though. I think marriage is a good idea because it's a contract of commitment, it says I'm not going to run off and leave you etc, but unfortunatley that still sometimes happens.

I'm very traditional about it all, I even believe that it's best not to "sleep with" someone until your married etc (I'm not religious though btw).

i don't think marriage will die out because what would the celebrities sell to magazines for silly money? i was married unfortunatly it failed after 8 years but i think a lot of that was outside pressure, however i can honestly say i did not have a huge wedding with the dress etc.

My experience of marriage:
I got married because my BF at the time wanted to, we'd been living together for 4 & 1/2 years. He changed his mind after 4 more years, and 6 months later we were divorced. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married until after we did it. No wedding, just went to town clerk & paid for license & justice of the peace, then we walked back home. I don't enjoy "making a scene" or group rituals, neither does he.
Have new BF now (and my ex has new GF). They hope to get married in future. My BF & I may do so, though no hurry. I still consider it a compliment when/if someone wants to marry me-but much of appeal (for us) lies in the "filing jointly" tax status, the financial consequences.
I'm not romantic, yet I'm sentimental/very emotional. Can't speak for future of marriage as an institution, in general-I'm not religious in the first place, nor do I wish to procreate, so...

I have a rather un-romantic view of marriage, but it is realistic. Marriage is a legal contract, that assures both spouses are covered. For instance, if I got hurt right now and my family didn't like my fiance, they could have him kept out of the hospital. Once we marry, not an issue. If one of us dies, the other will be taken care of. And also, if after years of supporting each other and helping each other we break up, we are both protected legally with regards to money and property.
There is a very nice aspect of knowing that person wants to make such a big commitment, but I think that same commitment can be made with out a legal obligation, the legal obligation is for both parties to be covered.

Nowadays alot of people do marry just for the legal aspect, but it can also be done to make a commitment to that person,
My view of marriage is that i would only commit to a person if i truely meant it, not just cos someone asked.
Another thing that you could do is make a commitment to a person in a non-binding capacity and see whether it works out before taking the bigger step of marriage.

baby

I think there is ageneral missunderstanding that marriage actually worked in the past. The fact is that women simply couldn't divorce. They had little job prospects, few rights at all. They needed a damn roof over their heads! Or they got pregnant and society forced them to feel ashamed and discriminated against them so badly (even though it takes two to tango) so they had to marry or their parents forced it. Or at worst they were seen as the strange old lady that lives on her own, therefore she must be a witch, and burned alive! (off topic but I'm convinced a high percentage of those women labelled witches may have been aspies)
I have been engaged and would never marry. If I did marry it wouldn't be any form of legally binding contract, it would be a private understanding between us both in a ceremony created from our own imagination.
If you have the money to deal with the fact that you may come out of a divorce with nothing, and the balls to deall with it then I say go ahead, but I feel confused by people thinking with absolute certainty that they are going to be with their partner forever. With all the rights we have now, if your husband does something bad it's easier to walk away than spend the rest of your life trying to forget/forgive.