She's nice, but not sure I can handle her

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I like her, she is into the same stuff I am into, lovely, and intellegent. I dont have to talk down to her, sure my fellow aspies know how nice it is to finally find someone you can use your full vocabulary with. Though one thing that worries me, is she is the jealous type. Very much wanting my attention on her and only her. There are some exceptions, though not to the point I prefer. Especially since by the sounds of it she snaps at the girl flirting with me, and not me. Which granted is more logical, not my fault someone is hitting on me, but still problematic. Not sure this will come up of course, a girl has NEVER done that to me and I wouldn't have her as my girlfriend if I was still hunting around.

Still I am an aspie, I might not always pick up when I upset her and she is the "You should know" type. Only saving grace about that is it seems more from a concern of losing me then selfishness. Possibly something that happened to her in the past, or, from the way she described, where she is from you have to fight to keep your man. Like, litterally fight. Thats just infered of course. Gonna give it a try, see if a relationship is possible. Just abit worried if I could handle it, or if I even want to

Looks problematic to me. If she's this possessive early on it's only going to get worse the more she feels she has a claim on you. Jealousy is more about her than it is about you. I'm no expert on relationships, I've mostly been an observer than a participator, but the one semi LTR I had I was glad that women liked his company.

well tell you this much, no way I am forsaking my female friends. I draw the line at that. I have no intention of acting differently with her, but as you said, worried what problems that might cause down the road

Jealousy is a deal breaker, for me. And often, the jealous person is merely insuring that the thing that they seem to be dreading, will eventually come about. Because most people find jealousy exhausting and suffocating, and will want to walk away from the constant drama.

Absolutely, jealousy is a self fulfilling prophecy.

OP, why don't you just talk to her about it? Is it possible your perception is incorrect?

I guess if it were me, I'd like to be given the opportunity to deal with the problem directly, rather than have the guy I was seeing draw a lot of conclusions (and make a lot of decisions) without my input. If you commit to communicating openly and honestly, you'll actually be going an awfully long way toward establishing real intimacy in your relationship. But if you can't be straight with her now (when you have so little invested) - how are you going to handle communication when the stakes are higher (as the relationship progresses)? The problem could be her jealousy....or it could be your fear of voicing your concerns to her.

I'd definitely talk to her about it first. Clarify what she intended with the behaviors you witnessed.

I just have to put a small side note in: I have seen the "female friends" get a little touchy-feely when a girl comes along and really wants to be more than friends with the guy in question. Like, the female friends see what a fabulous guy this person is but THEY wouldn't really date him. It's "Let's Just Be Friends" territory. Now, she begins dating him and his stock goes up and they behave differently. What can I say, women are a trip.

If you are with the right person, there won't be any jealousy, no matter if you are the insecure, low self-esteem type or not.

People get jealous, because deep down, they either feel like they aren't good enough for you, or that they aren't right for you. The other person adds to the problem, if they are constantly breaking boundries (like flirting with other people) in the relationship.

girls don't like other girls getting what they feel is their attention. Any girl. I would say give it a minute. If you like her. If it progressively gets worse reevaluate the situation. Because Jealousy can be very unhealthy. But if going forward she seems to feel more secure with you and the relationship and starts to settle down... you might be glad you gave it a chance.

talking to her, I think I got a better feel for the whole thing. If what I heard was sincere, she seems to have legitimate concerns. Talked to her cousin abit and she gave needlessly detailed description on how she plans on seducing me. True or not, in her mind her cousin was being honest and she believe there will be girls trying to steal me away. I of course told her she wouldn't have to worry, I doubt her cousin was even serious, and I am honest to a fault.

Maybe part of it is I am reading her too much like a NT, both of us love hypothetical questions. So it might be she is just giving what ifs and not that she expects to actually go into a jealous rage or for me to cheat on her. I know I ask questions all the time about things I'd never even want to do.

That made me laugh so hard! I love it...I have never even articulated that sentiment but it is SO TRUE. I remember going off on a spiel about evolution to my ex when we first started dating and being horrified/shocked when she looked at me and said in her thick Alabama drawl, "I ain't no monkey." It never occurred to me someone might not believe in evolution, much less be offended by the mention of it. If she hadn't been so gorgeous I would have run screaming from her pick-up truck and never looked back.

I am the jealous type too. I can't remember if the girl is an aspie but I know for me that plays in because I don't understand flirting with someone once you have someone, to me if you already have someone why do you have to do that with someone else. It's something I've had to give up on ever understanding and just try to work on behavior modification instead. You are gonna probably be put in the position of articulating this to her, probably many times. I guess it depends on whether you want to keep working on that aspect. People say it is a trust issue, but I think with aspies it is a cognition/literal interpretation issue as well.

I did talk to her more. She said she will have no issues with me having my female friends.

Part of the problem I think, is that she often messes with me and acts like something is upsetting her when it isn't. Which causes obvious issues

Mind games like that are something I dislike very much. But maybe you will just have to see what happens. Predicting things is something I am rather bad at. I think you might be bad at predicting things and you hate mind games too.

not sure it counts as a mind game because she told me why she does it. She wants to get me upset just to get some angry sex, or she find it amusing. Knowing her both. I've mostly been talking to her on the phone so I cant really tell. Like I dont know if it really bothered her that I was on IMs while we were talking of if she was just saying that.

It sounds like she's either manipulative, or she is trying to hide, or downplay the fact that she got jealous. People don't admit these things. Good, healthy relationships don't have jealousy, lying, manipulation, or game playing. She also seems to have some neediness, insecurity, and mental issues to work out. This doesn't sound like it's off to a good start.

its true, turns out she's been lying to me this whole time. I decided to call her home phone for a change and her mother picked up and told me the truth. *sighs* this is why I dont trust people