Spot the Mistake

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I'm confused by something that happened recently. A couple of weeks ago an ex-colleague of mine (who I hardly knew at work) IM-ed me on Facebook and we were talking fairly randomly (enough to establish that we had more in common than I'd thought); she knows I'm a bit strange already; and then (this is not verbatim, obviously, but me attempting to remember neutrally!):

Her: "Oh, did you know I'm single now?"
Me: "Oops, no, my commiserations." (and I specifically didn't say "hey, I'm freshly single too, let's get down!")

So we got back to talking and:

Her: "I'm a bit lonely and starved for company up here."
Me: "Yeah, I know what you mean, story of my life since I moved away from where I used to live."
Her: "I hardly ever go out."
Me: "Me too, I only ever go out to (a particular local music venue), but there's some good things on soon."
Her: "Oh, well, if you see something you think I'd like, tell me and maybe we can go there some time."
Me: "Okay, sure."

At which point I was thinking, more-or-less, "wow, it'd certainly be nice to have someone to see music with instead of going by myself (I don't mind going by myself, it means I can sit in a corner, interact with no-one and read quietly while waiting for things to happen! - but I never get to talk about the music), and I may not be good at reading subtext but there certainly seemed to be one there, so why not find out..."

...and did nothing for a couple of days, then sent a PM saying "oh, such-and-such is on, what do you reckon?"...

...and got absolutely no reply from then to now. Which is a bit disconcerting. What did I do? I didn't make any advances or intimate anything other than "music would be nice", and while I wouldn't be averse to Something Else it's hardly a high priority for me (by which I mean, I don't think I'm drooling lustfully after every available person!)

Huh, anyway, I'm baffled. Any ideas, gang?

Doesn't sound desperate to me at all - sounds like you did have a bit of a connection there.

Maybe she just had other plans and forgot to reply, or didn't see the message, or 100 other reasons. I think the best thing is to give it some time and then ask again.

maybe she hasn't had time to reply yet? You don't sound desperate.

Busy. Get her number and call her next time.

It's clear that you weren't making advances, and it looks like she really wants to go out with you. No problems there. Was she online when you sent her the PM?

It does look like the friend was the one "begging" for company. My assessment is one of two things:

1. She wanted your company at that very moment because she was extremely bored and now it doesn't matter so much.

or

2. She was just being polite when she suggested you go together sometime and had no real intention of following through. (NT's do this all the time)

Honestly, and not trying to flame here -- she's just not that into you. If you lived in L.A. (and she did too), I'd say it was the typical L.A. flake thing, but.....

I'm getting to know this guy online, and sometimes I don't hear from him for a few days or even a week.... but then when he gets back in touch he's really great and interested, and I wonder what I got so anxious about. I used to get so worried if I didn't hear from him, but now I realise I don't need to. If it's a long while since you heard from her, then maybe it won't happen, but if it's only been a couple of days or so, then don't give up hope just yet.

things happen, u should've got her number and called to set up a date.

I was about to say the same thing as what some others have posted, she was suggesting you two do something then. I am not saying the opportunity is lost, but you were not reading between the lines, which in this case did not take much.

You should have asked when she was free in that conversation and set up a date.

There is one small problem with your conversation, Ambivalence; your colleague was definitely offering an opening to get together, and you passed her up! when she said "I'm a bit lonely and starved for company up here.", that's your cue to jump in with "Yeah, I know what you mean, story of my life since I moved away from where I used to live." and then add "I haven't really talked to many of my old friends in awhile, and I think it'd be great if we could get together sometime, just for old times sake" I know it sounds pretty corny, but you gotta start somewhere! Just be aware of those subtle hints! Hope that helps.