~Film Quotes~

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In the words of Stephen Fry: ‘The rules are simple – I’m a pimple.’ Just post any quotes from any films you like. Keep 'em coming, my friends. I’d be interested to hear them. Plus, every posted quote gets an amazing free gift*, and my gratitude.**

*This is a lie.
**This isn’t.

I’ll kick off proceedings:


Vizzini (The Princess Bride, Rob Reiner; 1987)

“Ha ha you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha…” (topples over dead)

During the interrogation of the house staff in The Pink Panther Strikes Again.

(Clouseau has just destroyed a piano with a mace.)

Staff Person: You've ruined that piano!

Inspector Clouseau: What is the price of one piano compared to the terrible crime that's been committed here.

Staff Person: But that's a priceless Steinway!

Inspector Clouseau: Not anymore!

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Interviewer : People say Eleanor is the brains behind Team Zissou. What is Steve?

Klaus: He's the Zissou.

From Sahara (2005) on crossing a border without getting caught.

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From OFFICE SPACE, the greatest movie in the entire world.

Excellent, people!
This next quote comes from one of my favourite films, The Young Poisoner’s Handbook, and I feel it to be appropriate. It is a superb piece of darkly comic script writing by Benjamin Ross (who also directed the film) and Jeff Rawle. For you my friends, and because I love the film, I have transcribed the scene directly from the television as I sit here with it playing. I won’t describe the characters or set the scene beyond what is necessary, because I think it speaks for itself.

(Scene: A café in Neasden, London. Our young protagonist, Graham, has finally obtained a date with the attractive school hussy, Sue. Graham is eating a plate of chips, and covering them with tomato ketchup.)

Graham: Sorry about all the sauce. Terrible predilection I have for ketchup. When I was a boy I drank a whole bottle on the way home from the fish and chip shop.
It looks like a road accident doesn’t it Sue? We had a terrible one last summer; our house is very close to one of the North circular’s black spots. Awful thing.

Sue: Was anybody hurt?

Graham: Yes: A young woman. Mercifully she was killed outright – thrown fifty yards through the windscreen and decapitated. Yes. The firemen searched up and down the road for hours; couldn’t find it. Eventually it turned up in Hatfield. Seems its trajectory had sent it across the central reservation and into the oncoming traffic. It landed in this chap’s camping trailer. When he arrived at his destination he looked in the back and found an extra item as it were, that was not on the packing list.

(Sue looks bored and a little apprehensive. Seeing this, Graham wracks his brain for something interesting to add to the conversation.)

Graham: Sometimes the speed of impact can force the head so that it disappears completely, right inside the ribcage.

(Sue looks flustered. Graham pauses for a moment before appearing to remember something. He takes a large photograph from his pocket, and unfolding it, puts it on the table before Sue. It is of a topless nurse brandishing a syringe. Words on the photo that used to read ‘Nurse Esther’ have been changed carefully to ‘Nurse Ether’.)

Graham: (Affably) What do you think about this?

That seems like something I would do. LOL! Especially the matter-of-fact

I say interesting things like in conversations. I think they are pertinent and interesting, but all that seems to happen is I'm told that I'm interesting (on a good day.)

Okay, from one of the other favorites movies (and book), About a Boy:



And then from Poets Society:



And The Emperors Club:

Sexy Beast (2000)

Don: Shut up, c***. You louse. You got some f****n' neck ain't you. Retired? f**k off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a f*****g suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like f*****g Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?

[He gut-punches Gal]

Don: What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and f**k off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, f**k off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I'll make it easy for you. God knows you're f*****g trying. Are you gonna do the job? It's not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?

Gal: No.

Don: f**k off, w*ker, you're doing it.

Bette Midler in Ruthless People, when she first sees her kidnappers wearing duck masks:

"Oh my god, I've been abducted by Huey and Dewey!"

And later, when she finds out her husband (Danny DeVito) refused to pay the ransom when the kidnappers kept lowering the price:

"I've been kidnapped by K-Mart!"

God, I love Bette.

I'll post some more when I think of some.

I love that actor who did that line about being a sicillian. I also love Bette too. She makes ugly look really good.

Now my primary hobby is watching movies I have already seen over and over. But the reason why I can remember movies from start to finish is moreso because that is the degree I really do have photographic memory. I don't remember everything, but i impress my friends with how much I do remember from movies and TV and such.

So if i do put down some quotes... I'm probably gonna put down a lot.

Daniel: "So how many of these loops have you.. have we been through?"
Jack: "I've lost count.."
Daniel: "That must be frustrating..."
Jack: "Uh... yeah."
Daniel: (something like this) "But it's kind of an opportunity."
Jack: "Hows that?"
Daniel: "Well if you knew in advance that everything was always going to back to the way it was.... you could do anything... for as long as you wanted.. without ever having to worry about consequences."

(dont know how to spell his name, but teilqu stops writing and looks back at Jack and Daniel And jack is like:"Excuse me." And gets up to leave. And teilqu nods at Daniel, puts down the chalk, and leaves.)

And there is a flash that is the time loop. And Jack is practicing hand sculping a clay pot - this one falls apart. And there is a flash and teilqu gets hit in the face with the door, and he pushes the guy out of the way and smiles. And there is a flash and Jack is riding around in the complex on a bike. I think he rings the bell on the bike, and passes by this one guy and says, "Hi kurt, hows the william?" But i'm not sure. And the guy says, "Fine... sir..."
And there is a flash and teilqu and Jack have a golfing game going in front of the star gate and it is activated. And teilqu slaps the ball into the stargate and Jack says, "Aww yeah! That'll play. So how far is Alaris anyway?"
And Teilqu says, "Several Billion miles O'neill." And Jack says, "That's gotta be a record." And then he lines up and hits the ball.

Then there is a flash and Jack is making another pot. - This one survives. And then there is another flash and Theyre golfing again, and the general screams in, "Colonel O'niell, What the hell are you doing!?" And he stops and yells back, "In the middle of my back swing?!" And there is another flash, and Jack walks up to the general and the chick - dont remember her name. And he is out of uniform. And Jack says hi to the general, and hands him a piece of paper. And the general says, "Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?" And jack is looking at his watch. And he says, "Handing in my resignation." And the girl says, "Resigning, what for?" And he says, so... I.. can.. do.. this and bends her over and kisses her. I love the expression on the general's face. Then there is a flash and Jack is smiling at "Carter" i think her name is? And she says, "What are you smiling at?" And he says kind of drawn out, "Nothin."

Some of those flashes might have been out of order.

Another scene that occured earlier in the episode was Jack sitting in the commisary. And teilqu walks up, and says, "Shouldn't we be assisting Daniel with the translation?" And Jack says, "I'm taking this loop off. I'm telling you teilqu if we dont find a way out of this soon I'm going to lose it." He is squirting ketchup and mustard onto a plate, Teilqu shows signs he doesn't understand. And Jack says, "Lose it. It means Go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo, bonkers, no longer in possession of ones faculties, 3 fries short of a happy meal. WACKO!" And he holds up the plate with a happy face made out of condiments on it.

There is this scene in four rooms where Zorro hires Ted to babysit his kids while his wife and him go out and drink. And earlier he kept saying things like "BEHAVE" with great intensity to his kids, scared the hell out of them.

And he walks back into the room, Ted has grapped this corpses leg which was in the bed springs of the bed, is holding a hypodermic needle. There is lipstick all over a painting. The room catches on fire, the daughter is holding a champagn bottle and theatening ted with it and the son is smoking a cigarette. And porn is playing on the TV. Zorro looks at the son, the son at zorro, takes the cigarette and throws it behind him and more of the room catches on fire. And zorro drops his wife on the floor, and he says, "Did they misbehave?"

Batman Begins:

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy



Bad News Bears:

Thanks people. More good ones, as always.
Here’s one while I’m here, but I’ll probably post some more on the back of it when next I drop by.
This comes from the much misunderstood and maligned movie, Waterworld:

Deacon: “Don’t just stand there, kill somethin'!”

"Time to Die" Roy Batty - Blade Runner

"Love You, Wife" Bud Brigman - The Abyss

"Get Busy living or Get Busy Dying"- The Shawshank Redemption

But John when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down the pirates dont eat the tourists. Jurassic Park.

"Stay on target, stay on target."