A rant regarding SSI, social services, and idiots.

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I have been on the path to getting SSI/SSDI benefits for about one year.

I'm told my case is unusual, even for my lawyer who has dealt with autistic clients before. I am just aspie enough to have substantial problems, but not autistic enough to strike people as disabled. Because I am not obviously disabled, my major issues are mistaken for negative personality traits, and it causes problems. I follow directions to the letter, which is great, unless I have a boss who expects you to infer what he really wants from what his words may imply, not what they actually mean in the language we've all agreed upon.

Examples:
"You can do it that way if you want to, as long as you clean up the mess afterwards!" which is followed later by "GOD DAMMIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT THAT WAY IT'S TOO MESSY"
or
"on this job I want you to leave the flux capacitor in place while you remodulate the macguffin resistor" followed by "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THE FLUX CAPACITOR IN FROM NOW ON DAMMIT"

Another well-meaning but misguided obstacle is the guy who jokes around with everybody. I don't get it, and I spend the rest of the day unsure if he's joking with or making fun of me. And I can't filter out background noise so I don't even hear what he says, even when the guy next to me does. I don't have poor hearing - it just doesn't process correctly.

A lot of people I deal with seem to harbor the attitude that if I am physically capable of flipping a burger or cleaning a toilet I should be doing that, regardless of the mental stresses involved. They see three kinds of mental disabilities; "crazy", "ret*d", and "lazy boffin", and view my pursuit of disability benefits without a missing limb or something as a sign of the latter; and they believe applying for disability is somehow the easiest path to take. It really isn't - as people do, I need money, and I have none. The application process takes years to complete, and I have pets to feed, a car I can't afford to insure AND repair AND keep gassed up for endless appointments and meetings and evaluations that they make you go through. I am forced to live with a relative with whom I truly do not mix well; I don't believe our continual cohabitation is healthy for either of us, but I am out of other options, as we are the only people who'll put up with the other's BS. A healthy supply of alcohol might make this more bearable, but that costs money too! Joy.

The temptation to get yet another doomed job mounts monthly - it will only last 6 months, just like every other job I've had, before I'm driven to quit due to human intolerance, but it will likely torpedo my case for SSI permanently, and at best restart the process and retroactively waste the last year. Many other "assistance" programs are designed to push disabled people that way as well; it's my belief that the goal of the system is to disqualify people from SSI so the government can save money.

To quote from my last thread on the topic:

You'll of course need doctors to write reports for you. It will be crucial to find a sympathetic psychiatrist or psychologist. And, when they fill out their reports for social security, try to encourage them to give you a G.A.F. score that is less than 50.

The social security lawyer should only be paid if you win. It will be 25% of your past due amount, capped at $6,000. You are really going to need a lawyer who specializes in social security disability.

Ehh, I got it with a GAF of 55...

Anyway, don't worry about messing up your case because you're trying another job. I did while I was trying to get disability; and when I got fired for "not being able to multitask" (among other things, including interpersonal issues and sensory overload) two months into the job, it actually helped my case a great deal. If, when you get a job, you're "doomed to failure", then trying and failing can only prove to them that your problem with working is real. And it helps with the financial problems you're running into. Plus, on the off-chance you find the one job you can do without many problems, you can just dump the SSI thing and get on with your life. It's a net benefit either way.

Well, I HAVE actually had the kind of literal understanding you used as an example. And I OFTEN have the problem with hearing.

I try to ask questions, get examples, etc....

Though I always DID think it odd that I could be at a restaurant, be the only one that doesn't hear what the people are saying, etc... I still get by. HECK, Mcdonalds doesn't even let you order anymore until they try their upsell. I always assume it is something I DON'T want, and say NO THANKS, and continue with my order.

You can't really blame them TOO much with not understanding. I have that problem, and I STILL don't understand it. It seemed to affect me SO little earlier. But my hearing IS fine and the discrimination is still so bad.

HEY, you are LUCKY in a way. I have to deal with foreigners who speak improper english, use made up words, and pronounce words wrong. This week, one went through my code, didn't understand a variable, and asked me to remove it and twist things around. I went back with things as HE TOLD ME TO DO, and I said "Well, here is how it WILL work". He asked me why it wouldn't do what he wanted, and I told him I didn't know how to do that without adding code like he asked me to remove. He FINALLY let me use MY code which LUCKILY had been saved.

I'm in the middle of the whole social security application stuff too. I just got the decision on my appeal; denied of course so I'm now waiting for my disability representative to call me back and request a hearing.

I've had a horrible time with employers and verbal instructions. Apparently I ask clarification questions in such a way that they take it as insubordination (which I got written up for). I repeatedly asked them to send me an e-mail when they wanted me to do something that wasn't in my normal routine, but they refused so those things didn't get done in the time frame they thought it should. I have a very hard time processing anything presented to me verbally. And even when something is given to me in writting it takes me a long time to comprehend it.

I also have a hard time knowing if someone is joking with me or not. This lead to a lot of tears and frustration during my school years. Now I just usually isolate myself so I don't have to deal with it at all.

I am so lucky I live where I do. This town is well known for the organizations that help people with disabilities. Most of the people I work with understand it's much easier for me to send them an e-mail (it allows me the time I need to translate my thoughts into words) or call their voicemail at odd hours to leave a message. Phone calls are much easier for me if I know they will not pick up and I have to leave a message and let them call me back. The vocational rehab person I work with works mainly with people who have mental health issues and she is taking time to learn about the sensory stuff I have to deal with.

I know how frustrating it is to not look disabled and people expecting me to be normal when I am not. There was one person at the county I was working with who didn't get that (even though her job is working with people who have mental disabilities). So I ended up dumping her and found someone else (her supervisor of all people) who understood just because I look normal doesn't mean I am. I just don't get why people in helping professions refuse to educate themselves about a disability they are not familiar with. More and more I am realizing I am among the lucky few who have a great team of people to work with.