Getting a word in during conversation

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This is a problem that's struck me recently. Whenever I try to talk in conversation, I always, without fail, talk over someone else, and then just stop to let them speak. Sometimes I'll try and talk over them out of sheer wanting to talk, but it doesn't usually do much. So I end up speaking a load of half-sentences and seeming like I'm stuttering, which I'm not. I was wondering, is there some kind of body language cue to show you're about to speak? How do you guys get around this?

I took a course in Interpersonal Communication and one in Nonverbal Communication and here's what I learned:

There are natural pauses in the conversation in which you can take your turn, and there are natural signals saying it's your turn to speak. There's a little hand signal which basically says "over to you," and there are conversational markers like "uh-huh" and "and then what happened" you can use to say "I'm with you and I won't interrupt."

I can't give you the list off the top of my head but any course in Interpersonal Communications will. Then you practice until you learn it, just like a motor skill.

Hope this helps.

I find it hard, and yes, these are hard to understand, but they are not impossible.

I end up doing this too.

Oddly, one of the things that's helped me out with in person communication is amateur radio communications. Amateur radio operators talk to each other frequently through repeaters. They are devices that boost up and re-transmit a radio signal. When using radios and repeaters, only one person can talk at a time. When that person is finished, the repeater gives a short beep or other tone, then the other radio operator can speak. If someone else wants to get a word in, they can usually slip in between the beep tone and the next person talking. This has fostered better conversation habits on my part when in conversation

Tried to master this for years. I can talk to just one person ok, most of the time, but the minute there's more than one I start to struggle to follow what's going on, and any large group, especially if it's all women, I'm completely lost. I've tried watching and listening and observing and reading all of the books on human behaviour, but other women just seem to know when to stop and start talking, without any gap between one of them speaking and the other starting to speak. But whatever I try, no matter how I try to time it, it just ends up with me interrupting rather than joining in. I end up saying nothing at all unless someone asks me a question and stops long enough to hear an answer. Whatever's going on is too fast for me to work out. People think I'm just antisocial, but it's not that. I really want to join in and be as confident in a group as other people are. I can speak in front of an audience, because I know what's expected of me. I can talk on the phone because it's one person. It's not that I'm afraid of groups - just all of the groups that seem to have social rules I can't follow. Maybe I have to accept my own limitations.

Yes! I do that so often too! I'd thought it was just sheer stupidity on my part; it had never occurred to me that it could be from (probably) being on the spectrum.

I do it even when talking to just one person. I haven't found anyway of improving it. It makes me feel really insensitive and dumb. 'Talking' on a forum is sooo much easier.

I use to have a problem with this, and this is what I did to correct it: Whenever a brief pause occurs in the conversation, be absolutely sure to speak loud when your talking and express your point with some emotion. By doing that, the attention will be turned on you and you won't be interrupted. Some problems that I had is that I didn't speak up loud enough and people just kept on talking over me. Just wait for a brief pause... or, if it's a more "intense" conversation of the sort, go ahead and butt your way in if they are finishing up a sentence when you can.

i never have trouble getting a word in im the loudest person in the room

sometimes people talk alot cos their nervous, i know when i'm nervous i tend to babble on and need to be told when to shhh

baby

This post is intresting , but maybe you can clarify some stuff for me?


That hand signal, is that just a general gesture towards the person, or is there a more specific signal? If the later, could you describe it?


So your saying that, by stopping these signals, you are making it clear you have something to say?

And if anyone can answer this: concerning looking at your conversation partner, or looking into his/her eyes, how does this relate to making clear you want to give your 2 cents? Is it "I'm intrested in what you have to say, keep talking" ? or "I would like my turn now" or just general "I like you and this conversation is intresting" ?

It's all very well taking your turn in conversation, and knowing when your turn is. But does anyone else find they tend to be stuck with people with whom you can't get a word in edgeways simply because they are just great talkers, and not just because we're Aspies?

I get frustrated when people interrupt me or start to talk when I'm not at the end of my train of thought, and speak louder to hold their attention. This usually results in them shouting back at me, so I never even get to finish my point.

It's incredibly confusing. I'd much rather just pen essays for people to read and let them write down their responses so I could read and reply in my own time, but that's not 'social'.

I get this all the time. Me and another person start talking simultenously, and they'll almost always be the one to get heard, unless I'm in one of those moods, which probably what I had to say wasn't worth saying anyway.

My dad just used to tell me to listen to other peoples conversations without saying anything, but I can't follow them unless I feel like a 'part' of what is going on, I just get lost in my own thoughts. And who ever noticed the person who sat quietly in the corner, anyway?

I've learned that you need to wait until the person you're talking to has completely finished their train of thought. They'll turn to look at you. There will be a pause. Then you can speak. When you speak, try to keep on the same subject, or if you didn't catch the plot, try bouncing off the last thing the person said.

And keep it short! When you do find yourself speaking during the conversation, try not to give much background information to your story, unless they ask. We need to tell it, but they don't want to hear it. They don't need to know that you drive a red car and the traffic was bad and there was a Suburban in front of you that kept slamming on the breaks but you didn't hit him but there was someone walking a dog near the road you were on and you got to the store and bought cereal and it cost $2.53 which was okay since you had $3.00 in cash on you and the cashier was wearing gold dangly earrings and you saw a pair of shoes in the parking lot and you drove home and the traffic wasn't that bad and you got home and waited until the next morning to have your cereal and you ate it and it was good. They want to know that you bought a kind of cereal and it tasted good and you'd recommend it to someone else. Keep everything you say one to two sentances at a time.

If someone starts speaking over you, simply stop talking. If it's a conversation with a group of people, sometimes it's best just to watch them and they way they interact. Interact with them, but don't be a big contributor of the conversation. Try to think about what they are saying instead of what you want to say. It's hard to push that out of your mind, but you can. Don't worry about conversation lulls...the conversation always comes back and you don't have to be the one to get it there. Keep practicing though. You won't get to say much at first, but watching and observing really help.

What gets me is when you DO interject during those pauses, but then somebody immidiately starts talking over you after you get two or three words out. A few times is understandable, but when this happens like seven times in a row and the conversation topic's already changing, it drives me insane. I hate being interrupted. (Another reason why I prefer text communication.)