Got to be honest I really dont care for my father.

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Redd
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07 Feb 2010, 4:46 am

My biological father has never really had much to do with my life. He and my mother were never married and separated shortly after i was born. By the time I was 3 I was living with a single mother in Brevard's Public Housing projects and my father was married with another child (my sister) just arriving. I never really saw my dad much. He never paid child support of anykind until I was about 11 because my mom got a court order. Since i was about 7 my Mom has been with my Step Father. He has always been the one that's acted like he's my dad and I'm grateful for him. Everything was fine as it was until I became a teenager and my "father" began showing more interest in me. Since then we have had a relationship similar to that of two brother's far apart in age. My "father" insists on telling me he loves me all the time now. Whether he means it or not i just can't say that I give a damn about him. He's never been my dad and he's barely a Dad to my half brother and sister. He's an unemployed opioid addict who lives with his mom and the last time I was at my grandma's he tried to yell at me like he's in charge of me. After 20 years of him never attempting to be my father he thought he was gonna yell at me in the middle of the night for shutting the door to hard?! I was have fought him but I knew it would upset my grandma so I just went to bed. This was a few days ago and I haven't spoken to him since. I really just don't know how to confront this. I don't like hurting anyone or making people feel bad about themselves but my "father" infuriates me so much that I dont even like to see him anymore. I cant stand the way he just lives off of others and takes all his frustration out on anyone that does anything that he can find annoying somehow. But he lives with my grandmother whom I love very much (she practically raised me in the early part of my life) so i don't want to alienate her in the process of avoiding my father.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this they would like to share with me?



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07 Feb 2010, 8:10 am

Your situation with your biological father is complicated enough without the issue of his substance abuse. Substance abuse changes people fundamentally while they are in active addiction. I don't have any easy answers but I think you have every right to protect yourself emotionally from your father. I'm not trying to damn him, it's sad for him too. When I was a bartender I would often have guys crying in their beers about the children they wanted to reconnect with after it was too late. It can happen, but your father is being naive if he thinks it can just happen overnight. My 12 year old son has not seen his father since he was 3 1/2.


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WeirdO
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07 Feb 2010, 10:30 am

in my country, if your father or mother has debts, and you are his or her firstborn, and if he dies you get the debts.
my father did not care for me all the way, but i was told that he has millions of debts, and we are not rich too(middle middle class)
i ain't have a father, just millions of minuses to start my life. this can be called a drag. so i know what you feel, anyway i am sorry for your situation. for anyone who is in this, i can only tell that if your father or mother is like this, make sure that your children will get better.


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Lene
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07 Feb 2010, 10:44 am

Is there any way you can meet your grandma without dad present, or would that upset her too much?

If not, you may have to tolerate your father for a while longer. Tell him straight out that you want to keep in contact, but you are too old to be bossed around like this, especially from someone who has had very little input until recently. He deserves some respect because he has paid child support (albeit because he was forced to), but if he wanted to be a 'dad', he should have been one when you were younger.



Redd
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07 Feb 2010, 10:07 pm

Quote:
. He deserves some respect because he has paid child support (albeit because he was forced to), but if he wanted to be a 'dad', he should have been one when you were younger.


Yea that's my point. But I really can tolerate him most of the time. Its just that he goes to get his methadone in the morning. So for the early part of the day he seems normal like I remember him being before. He's more active then always taking things apart and wanting to go fishing or shoot guns and stuff (our only common interests). but then the drugs wear off and it ruin's his mood. I can relate because I myself am basically dependent on Cannabis to put me in a good mood but I know that's different. Without his junk he just lashes out at everyone after makeing up reason's to, and I can understand that too because I used to displace my anger like that too but what im getting at is that I USED to act like him but I changed so I know he can do better too.



Lene
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08 Feb 2010, 1:21 pm

Any chance you could find an excuse to avoid him when the drugs wear off?