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Cher10
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12 Feb 2010, 3:49 pm

Is it normal to be jealous of a normal sibling, who is more successful in every way, when you struggle with everything as an aspie? I have been jealous of my brother since I was young. He succeeded in school, I had to repeat 3 classes over, he was popular, I struggled to make friends, then was asked if I was my brother's sister, and he finished college, no problem, while I struggled to complete math and pick my major, and he had no trouble getting and keeping a job while I have had various jobs for short periods of time and the job search has been a pain in the butt. I have tried to get over the jealousy, but it just doesn't work.



Descartes30
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12 Feb 2010, 4:03 pm

There are far more people that are jealous of their siblings than admit it, and most with far less reason to be. You are not a bad person for feeling that way, and I don't even think that you are necessarily wrong. It's tough to see someone from the same background succeed at things so easily when you are not able to. But I do implore you to not let it drag your self-esteem down or make you despair. Things may be more difficult for you, but that doesn't mean you can't have what you want. And you never know, you may even value it more once you get it because of how much you had to work for it. Life is not fair, so I can't guarantee success, but I do wish you the best.


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unlabeled
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25 Feb 2010, 8:18 pm

I get jealous of my sister too. My sister is popular and very talented at everything from sports to schoolwork to art. She's a very good socializer (sp?), while i have one friend. And, to top it all off, she treats me with disdain half the time we see each other. She makes fun of me in front of her friends and my family.



So, I totally understand what you're saying about your brother. What might be helpful is if you talk to your brother about how you're feeling.



Lene
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26 Feb 2010, 8:34 am

I sometimes feel jealous of my brothers too; they are social and popular. They aren't as book-smart or artistic though, which makes me feel slightly better.

You must have some talents that your brother doesn't have. It may not be something you've tried yet, or that he would be interested in himself. Yuo also ahve more experience of hardship and defeat. I know that may not sound like much, but it will make you a tougher person. You will aslo have more varied experience from doing different jobs, compared to just sitting in the one office until you retire!

Anyway, don't judge yourself compared to your brother. A lot of people have difficulty completing degrees, so you did very well to get your own major!



musicboxforever
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26 Feb 2010, 9:24 am

Lene wrote:
You will aslo have more varied experience from doing different jobs, compared to just sitting in the one office until you retire!


This is true. I have never really settled into a job and have moved around quite alot. This means I have quite varied experience now. A colleague of mine has also moved around alot. He says that he wants breadth of knowledge by working in different environments, but I really think that he gets as unsettled as I do and gets itchy feet and moves on. But our boss said to me one day when we had only been with the company a while "I think that the experience you two have will bring alot to the company." And that is the reason we were hired.

I also get jealous of my sister at times because she is more sociable. She sometimes makes fun of me and says I am weird. She doesn't understand and I think that she needs to mature a bit more before she can fully accept me. Probably one of the most crushing things that happened between us was that I liked this guy, but he asked her out she said yes and to cut a long story short they are getting married in September this year. But I've never even had a boyfriend.

However, she can be jealous of me at times because she sees things in me that she wishes she had, so I think it is only natural to have a bit of sibling rivalry. It has decreased for us as the years have passed. But it still gets to me that she is fits into the social world so much better than me.



tweety_fan
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26 Feb 2010, 10:23 pm

it is understandable to be jealous of a sibling that has done better.

I feel jealous of my brothers and sisters sometimes because they don't have the social problems that I do
and they are better then me at stuff like art and sport and techology.

To make myself feel better I just do my best at the things I do.