Black and an aspie. I'm so screwed.

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So, that title probably drew in some curious people?...

I just took the bus home from the train station (I'd just finished my very last therapy session with my therapist), and I was feeling positive about my future knowing that I have AS. It was snowing very heavily, there was this carnival thing going on that made the busses leave from a different point, and the train was delayed. As the bus driver pulled up I and an Arabic young man walked up to the door. He asked if he could get in, and the bus driver said "No, that's on the other side" (the bus had to turn around). Then I asked if he was stopping a certain point, and he closed the door, going "No, you can GET IN ON THE OTHER SIDE I SAID!". The boy and I looked at each other, both raising an eyebrow.

Once I stepped into the bus (at this point I was furious with my mom for not picking me up and leaving my wallet at home to pay for a cab) I briefly showed the bus driver my student travel card. I never do that, but I wanted to show him how I felt he treated me. As I passed on to the seating area he rudely called me back. He requested to see my card again, which I showed him, and then I said "and thank you, sir, for answering my question just then". As I walked away he went "Goddamn idiot, act like a human being, []." Then I decided I was going to cry. A couple of minutes later, the young man and his four friends were made victim to the bus driver's mood.

I'm half Portuguese, fairly light-skinned for a black person (though I look more black than Portuguese). This is on occasion, but at times like these I can literally kick my mother in the teeth for ever deciding to choose a black mate instead of a white one. It made me sick to my stomach to see a person who is in essence providing you with his service, talk to 'ethnic' people the way this one did. I don't want to get into it further, because I just came home and said some things about bus drivers and people of equal socioeconomic-educational level that I don't ever want to say again.

I feel so royally screwed right now for not ever being able to present myself the way I am. If it's not being looked at as an under-schooled sassy black girl (I am the complete opposite), it's a rude autistic idiot who can't communicate.

I promise to never again post something so negative, but I really, REALLY need to know:
is there anybody on this forum who has a disorder and an ethnic background other than caucasian who is feeling they are screwed doubly?

Last edited by neves on 12 Feb 2010, 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm white/caucasian so I cannot relate to the ethnic/racial aspect of it. However the type of situation itself that you described used to happen to me a lot, in buses, too.

The bus drivers are usually dense, simple people. They expect clear, predictable responses. They're also often pissed off.

Your question and response demanded too much from the driver's thought stream. He had inertia of thought.

Because of this inertia he answered your question the same way he answered the boy's question. It was to be expected from a bus driver.

Your sarcastic response to him was a lost cause before you even started. It didn't carry power, and therefore was perceived as weakness. There was no "right" thing to say. You could not remedy that misunderstanding. A bus driver cannot afford the required attention span. Anything you would say at that point would just create more confusion, and, well, it did.

Last edited by monsterland on 12 Feb 2010, 4:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Thank you, Monsterland. That is precisely what I told my mother. But I'm afraid to say that out loud.

Yes I am and truthfully sometimes I do feel that the two don't really do me any favours and the fact that I'm female doesn't make matters better aswel. But in all honesty I wouldn't ever dream of wanting to change myself for a prejudice society. You take what you're dealt and you adapt (as things like race, sex and AS are pritty innate, I'd imagin you wouldn't really need to adapt, more learn to deal with the discrimination out there.) Don't hate your race or diability because of the way society percieves it. Be proud to be unique. At times alittle irratated by peoples ignorance of course, but that's part of life and everyone, no matter how 'normal' you think they are has one trait which another person can discriminate against. (Hope that helped. Sorry for the spelling errors, I also have the gift of Dyslexia, lol)

I know. You're right. I tell myself every day that I have to wear this skin with pride, and make the best of everything. It's just, at times like these I hate humanity. But I really don't. Just sometimes. Rarely.

don't let anyone affect you, it really doesn't matter what your race,religion,gender is testy people who have bully personalitys will pick on the meek(aspie) I use to have people who made me ashamed of everything and felt I should change everything I do my light complexion(need to tan) overweight(go workout) clothes(wear nicer stuff) speech(don't say that). I changed some things for myself not to fit in with the masses. don't feel bad and I don't know if that is a city bus or school bus but, I wouldn't ride that bus again.

Thank you for that. It's good to read that more people have experiences with trying to fit in on any level really. I made a pact with myself a year ago: no matter how much people treat you in a certain way for things that you don't have an easy fix for, do not change. Never. Don't pretend to be white, or skinny, or non Asperger's or whatever. Don't change. Be proud. I am, and this evening was a perfect storm of bad weather and grumpy people. :S

I live in a different city (where the bus drivers are decent and familiar with ethnicities) where I love taking the bus, but this is my parents' town. They live in the south, which is still quite a bit 'behind' on certain things. I'm having my dad pick me up in the future. Also considering writing a letter to the bus company, but I don't want to give time to people who'll go "Nah, another one of those black feminists who think they can change the world".

It sucked. But I dealt with it.

Sometimes people are mean because of ethnicity, sometimes people are mean because of a failure to communicate, sometimes people are mean because they hate their jobs or are having a bad day. It's something that cannot be predicted, so just keep your eyes open and try to make sure you have a quick escape route, if necessary... what else could you do?

It seems at times that when a person is rude to strangers, it's to do with race, etc, but I'm Caucasian, and I get treated like dirt often, too. It's the other person's problem, and they are just taking it out on the nearest person who seems unlikely to retaliate.

if I was in your shoes, I woulda been all for pressing the bus drivers buttons and just pissing him off even worse.

You need to call the bus service and file a complaint. It is not acceptable that you were spoken to in that manner.

Or if you cannot, have your mother do it.

I had a seizure when the [] on the bus
was mean to me and I think she had to pay
for the ambulance that someone else dispatched,
I sure wasn't going to pay for something that
was not my doing.

I also complained to the bus people about her
and they were nice about it.

I hope she got []ed out for it.

***edit***
ZORRY!! I shooda had my pooperiser activated,
it should have read "beanhatch"

Please excuse the short circuit in my wiring.

Last edited by LittleTigger on 13 Feb 2010, 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been white my entire life so I can't comment on what it's like to have darker skin.
But I can comment on my experience with a rude bus driver. And being aspie.

When I was a student I much preferred trains to buses. I only took the bus when there was no other option, so I didn't know how the system worked. I thought bus fares were half-price for students like train fares were. So I was confused that the bus driver kept asking me for full fare even though I was showing him my student card.

He kept repeating 'It's a dollar, eighty.' And I kept repeating 'But I'm a student.' Until eventually I just paid him the full fare. I thought it would have been so much easier for him to just explain to me that students were also required to pay full fare. I probably would have asked Why, but even still, I found him to be very rude and maybe it made me angry.

So, not being able to bottle my anger inside, I sat in the seat directly behind him (it was actually the only seat available) and I sang in gibberish very very loudly for my entire journey. And I felt much better after that!

I'm half Indian/Australian, so I do sometimes feel uncomfortable about my race. Never wished my mum chose a caucasian man otherwise she'd never had met my dad I wouldn't have been born.

Bus drivers can be a**holes. Recently a bus driver beat a disabled man after he complained that the bus driver didn't let him out on his stop. It was on the news and the bus driver has been charged and disgraced. There are some real crazy bus drivers out there.

neves, while I'm part Indo, part Antillean-black, I can't say I ever felt as though my autism and my ethnicity pressed on me like a pair of tongs. However, I do sympathise with your situation very much; in fact, the reason I came on-line today after a short forum absence, is that, barely an hour ago, I had a little argument with a tram conductor. It was something so minor: I flashed my season ticket, and he said to me in what I perceived to be an annoyed tone, that as of April 1st, conductors would no longer accept physical season tickets and that I should upload my OV-chip instead. I told him that I was already aware of that, but that the facility that provides me with the free season tickets I am entitled to, hadn't installed the software yet that was needed for the upload at their office; they DO have it in Amsterdam Zuidoost. So a little argument ensued, and I'm now a little bit irritated, but it's fading. I was going to ask the other posters on Wrong Planet how I could best deal with the frustration, but I digress and it's not important. Especially because I don't think this tram conductor was a racist.

I can only applaud your attitude toward your autism/ethnicity and the sentiment that you should be proud of yourself no matter what. And I'm familiar with the southern provinces... I've lived in Boxmeer for 14 years from my 2nd to my 16th. Fortunately, while there was some bigotry, in general Boxmeer was good; it's a fairly large town, and while the population is primarily Caucasian, there are a number of other ethnicities represented there, too. I've enjoyed a racism-free childhood.

Ze nemen me zoals ik ben of ze nemen me helemaal niet.


EDIT: Another thing: I have also worried, and continue to worry sometimes, about how the outside world 'sees' me, where before I was 16 I didn't care about that at all. And yes, I do sometimes think that people will have a certain image of me which they base on my skin colour, or my autism once I've told them that I'm autistic. Good thing is, that they realise they're not dealing with your stereotype 'allochtoon' the moment I open my mouth. And I've had people tell me a couple of times that 'they wouldn't have guessed I were autistic if I hadn't told them'. I make it a bit of a point to be a stereotype-breaker on those counts.

This is what my mother has been harrassing me with over the entire weekend. I'm not really convinced about that, though, because I'm afraid the person who will read my complaint will just go "Pff, crazy black people. Always pulling the Race Card...". What should I put in that letter?




SporadSpontan, I just woke up and - it might be that I'm still half dreaming - but "I've been white my entire life" is one of the funniest and most endearing things I've heard in the past few years! But aside from that, you are completely right. The explaining things to people part... I'm beginning to realize that not many people know when they're talking work jargon (like a doctor or even someone at an electronics store) and when they're talking work jargon to a layman. I always feel they think I'm stupid when I don't know what a person providing a service is talking about when they use work code.