Bars/clubs not for aspies.

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I may be stating the obvious, but for most Aspies, and even a lot of NTs, bars and clubs, in particular, party type atmospheres, isn't the best scene. I think many people on here mistake my advice for changing into something you aren't, and showing interest in things you don't like. That's not what I'm saying at all. I went to a bar/club/restaurant type place today, and I was just picturing the people on this site in that environment. On top of it, my NT, anti-establishment brother looked like he was about to have a panic attack, and he doesn't even have a hint of social anxiety. He just doesn't drink, doesn't party, isn't loud and obnoxious.

I'm not going to stereotype all bars...I know there are upscale places and pubs and places where it's a 30something crowd and not a college crowd, but for the 20somethings on here looking for a social life, I'm reaffirming the obvious...that there isn't anything to be seen or had at the party like places. On top of it, I didn't see one woman where I thought "I'd like to talk to her" so if you think going there for the women is a good idea, it isn't.

All I'm suggesting in my posts is to become a little more outgoing than you are. Not a loud, obnoxious person, but someone who doesn't stand in the corner and look like the odd man/woman out and not say anything.

unfortunately, for us gay people, a bar or club can be the only way to meet someone. That or a gym, which I also go to. I honestly don't like them at all. The only redeeming quality is that the music is loud and the lights are bright. I love that.

what about the internet? on craiglist it seems like most of the people are guys looking for other guys.

I love lounges - hate bars/clubs. I need a small group environment with lots of space to roam.

I've tried, I have even less luck on the internet. If I meet someone in person first, I'm more likely to go on a date with them because I've already met them. If I don't know someone before our first date, I get so incredibly anxious that it's not even worth it.

i like small town bars great places unless they have a band or dj then its too hectic

Dateing bars look scarey and intimidating to me.

I don't like most bars or clubs. I'm gay, and lately I've been meeting people on Okcupid. Meeting is a term I use quite loosely. I have a few exchanges, typically, then become nonsocial and lose the contact. But if I tried harder it would be fine.

I do go to one bar. It's upstairs from my work, and I stop in when I get off (usually right around when they open) and its always quiet and empty. I sit in a corner at the end of the bar and read my book while I have a beer or two (I enjoy tasting craft beers). Then I leave before it gets busy and walk to the bus. They play oldies music, not loudly, and it is very, very nice.

That's how I go out.

depends which bar/clubs, the more sophisticated/indie bars arent so bad, as the music is mostly decent. Its the nightclubs that have popular music and people of "questionable" character that I aint keen on.

I used to live in nyc and some bars/clubs there had rooms in the back with sofas and a relatively quiet environment. That was pleasant. Otherwise, though, party type scenes and bars have always been very uncomfortable for me. It's just overwhelming - there's way too much. I've never come across someone in a bar/club that I'd consider seriously, but I think that's me, not the others in the bar. I remember crying at a party when I was a freshman in college because it all seemed so insubstantial. I just didn't get it - and still don't.

I can see the social value in being more outgoing but have no idea how to truly do it without wrecking myself mentally by the end of the evening. All that said, I do like clubs when they're pretty much empty - they can look neat inside.

I wouldn't be caught dead in a bar or club.

Why not?

They don't have South Park. Sorry, couldn't resist.

No, it's the booze and drugs, and they can be a sensory overload.

I happen to agree on this one with you, Tim. Although I hear lounges/pubs can be ok and have a better crowd.

I can deal with bars. Some bars I really like (mostly dive bars and low key pubs), especially if they have outdoor beer gardens in the summer. If I'm trying to pull, no question I'm going to the bar to do so.

On the other hand I really really hate clubs. Massive crowds, flashing lights, standing room only--these are things that are not good for me.