Rejecting someone.

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At college I got a letter from a lady in the class next to ours. On it she is asking me out for a drink, but I don't want to.
How do I say this? I'm not actually interested in her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Whatever you do, be up front. If there is one thing I hate, it is when people lead me on. I end up more hurt in the end.

One way to let someone down gently is to claim that you don't want a romantic relationship at this point in time.

Slightly deceptive though it may be, it's often kinder than stating that it's them you don't want to be with - the latter is often taken as a criticism, and can leave them feeling low.

She could be simply asking you out for a drink to get to know you as a friend too... try not to read too deep into things. Just tell her politely that you're not interested in going out for a drink but thanks anyways for the offer.

Big deal! She simply asked you to join her for a drink, not to marry you or go to bed with you. It doesn't have to be romantic or anything; just two classmates enjoying a break from studying. I say join her; all it'll cost you is an hour of your time and a couple of bucks for the drink. It's very small investment on your part, so the loss is minimal, but the potential return is tremendous. Any girl showing sincere interest in an aspie guy has to be a nice, friendly person who's fun to be around. After all, underneath all that aspergian garb, we're all human beings for whom another person's company is a basic need.

You said you don't like her romantically. But for an aspie guy, a girl showing interest is a pretty rare thing. So give the girl a chance. At the very least, you'll enjoy a good conversation with a nice person. Maybe you'll get to like her after you talk to her. I've had that happen to me many times. When you two are sitting together, pay attention to how she'll act. Is she smiling a lot? Does she touch you (e.g. on the arm) at every possible opportunity? Does she make risque jokes? If you notice at least two of those things, she likes you; in that case, give her a chance! It could turn out to be a great relationship. If she doesn't do either of them, then she simply likes you as a friend. Then hang out with her, enjoy her company, and maybe ask her to fix you up with one of her friends.

Best of luck.

Rejecting people is very hard.. I've no idea how to do it nicely

Aspie1 - I disagree. He should not feel he has to go if he doesn't want to. If you lead people on when they think you're into them it leads to disaster. He doesn't even have to like her as a friend if he doens't want to.

I would agree, but if he's like me, this will probably be the only chance he has over the next three years, where the girl initiates.

Well, here's my rebuttal. If a girl showed interest in me like that, I wouldn't question my decision even for a second. If I miss this chance, I might not get another one "for a long time, a long long long time" (a quote from Six Days, Seven Nights). So if a girl likes me, I'll date her. Simple as that.

man ! aI agree with Aspie1 100% .....she s a nice girl and girls like her don't grow on trees!! Give her a chance ! Who knows? Maybe you would like her maybe not .

If you're going to reject her she'd better be ugly or crazy, or both.