The pursuit of beauty, and why I've been left out (long)

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As a 32 year old guy who’s had very limited success with women, I have come to a few conclusions as to why I’ve had so much trouble. While I am making some generalizations here, it has been my experience with the opposite sex and relationships beyond "just friends" I hope I don't offend here, even if these are broad generalizations.

Most women seem to have this instinctive, inherited nature to be in relentless pursuit of beauty and vanity. It affects all aspects of their lives that stretch far beyond an insatiable appetite for shopping for the latest clothing and shoes, and doing their hair. Women will go to great lengths, placing themselves in great discomfort, risking their health, and even taking risky financial moves in order to achieve the next step in beauty.

The pursuit for beauty also shows itself in the activities most women choose to occupy their time with. Any activity that has the potential to set back their beauty is typically despised and avoided, for instance camping, where there may be a lack of a fully equipped bathroom, and the risky of getting dirty. Other activities that give women chances to either enhance their beauty, or show it off are usually enjoyed, for instance a dance, where they get to wear flashy clothing in front of others. I have even, in fact noticed this pursuit for beauty in my 2 year old niece as she is showing signs of this already in her young life.

Now, when it comes to us guys, we enjoy sightseeing, this is where women’s’ propensity for beauty is hardly a bad thing at all. The odd thing for most men to understand however is that from what I have seen, women do not put on this show for the pleasure of men, but to have one up their fellow females. In fact, many women not hide this fact at all, and is usually the response when asked about it!

There is a drawback to this relentless pursuit for beauty. From my luck with women, I have found their desire for a male in their lives is highly based on this, and how a man can further their position in this. There seems to be two primary reasons why a woman desires a man. First, as a fashion accessory, and second, to support their pursuit financially, physically, or any other means necessary.

First, let’s look at the fashion accessory side. Women will choose an attractive man, but usually one that is not too radical or unique in his appearance. This is so attention will not be diverted from her, and to her man, all the while he is supposed just attractive enough to enhance her beauty. This phenomenon has resulted in some rather confused messages being sent from women as to what they find attractive in a man.

A perfect example of this is the men that women find attractive in print, magazines, and in the media. This will usually be rather buff men, frequently with long hair…the “rock star” look for example, or "Fabio". You would think a man in the real world that mimics this same appearance would for sure attract the attention of women. This is not so. Most women, when approached by a long-haired man that looks like the lead singer of a metal band (similar to myself) will be “ooh gross, get away from me”

Instead, the men chosen by the women are more ordinary looking men. The men typically chosen in the real world are average looking guys that wear common, in-style clothes, and have a minimal hairstyle. For instance, the guy wearing the cargo pants and the golf shirt will be preferred over the guy wearing the muscle shirt, rockstar tight jeans, and long hair, or choose any other radical look and place it here. The object here is that she wants her man to look nice, but to blend in with all the other guys out there, versus standing out in the crowd.

The second aspect is quite a bit easier to understand. Remember, women don’t want to be involved with anything that will set them back in their pursuit of beauty. A man is meant for these tasks, such as maintain her sleek sports car, her fancy home, and other fashion accessories. Most importantly however, a man is there to make money for her to spend on fashion and beauty. This also seems to explain why many women stay with men who treat them badly.

Okay, by now, you are probably saying “what a sexist pig!” Yes, and I can certainly agree with you, especially if the above material is wrong, and I can humbly accept this title you wish to bestow upon me. So, this is your challenge…PROVE ME WRONG GALS!! !!

What has prompted me to write something like this? Well, it has to do with MY relentless pursuit for a soulmate, that has been just as intense! The problem is that I have found that I do not meet any of the above criteria…therefore; I’m unattractive to the females. I do not make a large amount of money, and I hardly fit the “average nice guy” look that the large percentage of women is perusing. I look around and try and figure out what women see in other men in order to figure out where I can get a step ahead, and this is the only thing I can think of!

I have never found a woman that is interested in doing many of the activities I enjoy, like camping, hiking, fishing, boating, and other outdoor stuff. I certainly would like someone to do these things with, but only guys like to do these things! I also have a look that’s a bit too radical I believe. I have long hair, and am in shape. I also don’t like to wear the “average’ style clothing, and have no interest in following the brands and fads, and trying to blend in by wearing the latest. I hate suits and ties too, as an added drawback, I never wear these bland articles of clothing! So there you have it...the recipe for a single life!

Your post is quite insightful. I'd like to hear GroovyDruid's thoughts on this as he's done quite a lot of research into this phenomena.

Girls do seem to place the financial aspect in quite high esteem. I noticed this moreso while I was in Beverly Hills. Girls there seemed to be pretty good at detecting rich guys (and they went after those).

At least you have a choice mate.

UGLYNESS TO A WOMAN IS LIKE BEING POOR TO A MAN.
I said last Friday on a workmate birthday part, before I became very depressed under the because of the alcohol and.

I know someone at work who weighs a lot on beauty, she has a boyfriend who she is very happy with more happy then I will ever be with anybody.

I tell her the logical reason for her interest in beauty, to attract or to keep a mate. Same NT know this, others just have the interest in beauty because it makes them happy. But that all come down to the same thing., find or keep a mate.

She strives to be as attractive as she can and by doing this, if she was to have an unfortunate break up or choose another mate, she would be in a good position to find someone also.

The same should be with an Aspie but they should work on social skills, and even if they should find someone, they should still work on it.

Women just want money and men just want sex ... is that it?


Don't paint us all with the same brush. I couldn't care less about money or fashion, and all I want from my guy is that he appeals to me --- which has alot more to do with who he is than what he looks like. (He's a long-hair, btw.)

I was never an attractive girl, at least in my own mind, so I keep myself clean and groomed and then don't worry about it -- life is full of much more interesting things. That said, it is painful to be constantly overlooked because of my exterior, and there's no denying it. People are discriminated against because of appearance

I call bull on that paragraph. I'm a guy, and I wear jeans and t-shirts all the time and nothing. I'm not fator ugly by any means, I tend to consider myself exceedingly average looking. I have no memory whatsoever of a girl ever coming on to me.

This might be true in your hart, I don’t put much etherises on looks, when it comes to woman. Maybe it is because the dating scene is not very good at the moment and that can change a person’s expectation ;I am a aspie after all.

In big capitalist cities where your potential mate is going to be someone who you have not met, we are nothing but products with a given value. Compatibility comes into it so if you don’t like someone or not compatible then the money and looks usually are not going to help much.

But why many woman like man with money is because that money could help to support their young, even if they choose not to have children they line of thought is subconscious in woman.

Man like looks because it shows a woman’s general health and a good indicator that the young are going to be physically healthy. These thoughts are ingrained into a man’s subconscious. Men can also have a more liberal attitude towards sex because they are not the ones lumbered with bringing up children if things were to go wrong and also a woman can only have a limited amount of children because of pregnancy.

Sad bat true, us human choose our mates the same way animals do, love is very materialistic, even it does not seem that way.

I have honesty much more then any NT because I am true to myself. I am also trust worthy, if I was to ask you for £300, you would not have sleepless night about me not paying you back. I have learned that compared to most people, I see the good in others or I don’t chuck in some Buddha qualities and you got me. These can mean much to many women but it is low priority because that can compete with money and power that could be potentially be achieved by dishonesty.

Excellent post AV-geek. While it is a generalization, it is definitely true. This is why mates are usually close in physical appearance, an exception being women who will sometimes choose an ugly companion, but the reverse is not true, vary rarely do you see a good looking man with an unattractive woman.

Beauty is all about symmetry. We are biologically programmed to be repulsed by the unattractive, and to see past this takes an active effort.
Personally I have seen few truly "ugly" people, but I see lots of unattractive people. I think what is on the inside shows on the outside. If you weight 300 lbs. you have a personality problem. If you look like a crack whore you have a personality problem. People with biological conditions are an exception and project a different Aura. Paris Hilton is a good example, while technically attractive, she is just flat out looks nasty! There have been people I found extremely attractive, but my "friends" called but crack ugly, and vice-versa.
I do feel for the truly ugly. People whine about racism and sexism, but it's the ugly people who get the shaft, they aren't even worthy of hatred, it's almost like they don't exist.

I hope things work out for you in the near future.

Although you may be generalising (I have every faith that you know not all women are like this, or men either) what you say is true.

I feel that some women do try to look as pretty as possible either to look attractive for a bloke or to compete with another female, hell Ive done it in the past! Hence I don't really do it now as I've grown up. I would never demoralise myself by dating a guy simply for being taken home in a fancy car etc etc though. I'm more of a woman than that and if I want fancy cars and stuff I will get it in my own time when I can afford it, I do need no man to it for me (sings chorus of Independent Woman).

However, these women who go for men for more material things and the men who are stupid/weak enough to put up with this deserve each other in my opinion, and he is probably only dating her most of the time cos she's a bit of eye candy that looks good on his arm. That leaves more of us decent people left with more decent people if you get my drift. The ball ache of it is when someone decides they have feelings for women/men like this and they will never get it back in return because these people place more value on stuff, its these I feel slightly sorry for.

Reading this thread...I could not understand the viewpoint alot of you are taking towards the female of the species. I have a feeling there is a culture divide here. Or maybe Im just not getting it, nothing new there.

This all sounds abit catholic to me

Your point being?

I don't like it either, but it's all true.

Also interesting is the following. Remember how I said that women are less decisive than men? I told a female friend of mine that over the weekend, and she agreed with me. She said that "at least men know what they want", and said that women don't. And she's been in a relationship for four years.

I'd rather have a nice Cup of Tea, than do it, with a Man.

replying to the OP, it makes sense, but only on a theoretical sociological level. I don't think most people (women) are aware of this.

I think you've been spending too much time around European swimsuit models! Seriously, many if not most women aren't so vain as to select a man based solely on looks, prestige, and wealth.

I believe AV-geek is right on this one. The majority of women I've seen throughout my life have an extremely narrow view of who they will date. That narrow view usually consists of someone who is always so damn positive, outgoing, extraverted, rebellious, and aggressive. David DeAngelo himself says that women generally prefer jerks. Why? Because jerks possess the qualities women CRAVE. They would rather be abused by a "man" than respected by a "wuss". Granted, women are not as obsessed with looks as men are in regards to the opposite sex, but popularity and money mean a hell of a lot to the modern woman.

And women agree with me about this. True story: a female friend of mine told me that a guy friend of hers, who is very similar to me, was used by a woman who only went out with him so she could go to a certain concert. My friend is very critical of her own gender, and consequently, she has a lot of guy friends, in addition to a boyfriend. Another girl friend of mine has erased all the girl friends from her life because they were too immature and obsessed with money and other snobby stuff, and now her friends consist pretty much of her boyfriend, and myself, who are average joes. This scenario repeats itself over and over among girls that I know.

Virtually every single guy I know that has a girlfriend is snobby, has tons of money and drives a very nice car, is the king of popularity and is the centre of attention, and in many cases, is disrespectful of other members of society, including adults and other peers.

In Canada, the statistics for abusive relationships are staggering, and this is the basis of this post and some others in the past that have stirred up controversy here. I don't have hard numbers in front of me, but i believe it was 50% of women at the age of 19 have been in an abusive relationship. Is it a co-incidence? I think not. Women crave the guys who are abusive because they are also "cocky and funny", as DeAngelo would say.

There are many mature women out there too, who go for things other than looks, money, and popularity. And those are the women I look for. They're harder to find, but they are out there.

Men are just as confused as women. My guy friend made the same complaints. "I want a mature woman. I want a woman who doesn't care about looks, money, prestige, blah blah blah." And what happened? The dumbass fell for the first two strippers that looked his way. Was I sympathetic the second time around? Hell no! I laughed at him when he came crying to me again about how he can't find a decent woman. It works both ways. Women complain about falling for jerks all the time, and men complain about not being able to find a great woman. One guy I know actually has some common sense. He decided that since he kept falling for skanks, maybe he should take a closer look at himself to find out why this kept happening to him. He made some improvements, and now he's been with new this woman for a year. Before men or women start making generalizations about other people, maybe they should take a look in the mirror first.