too autistic for uni- dropping out.

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Hey

I'm a first year student studying Psychology at university.
I'm getting towards the end of the year now, and have my exams coming up in a couple of months. I failed my first semester, and am currently trying to redo the coursework from that semester so that it's at a passing standard. I doubt that's possible though.

My problem is that I seem to be too autistic for university, I have shutdowns and meltdowns on a daily basis now and am somewhat nonverbal. I struggle with comprehension when it comes to reading for uni (boy, do we have a lot of reading on this course!) and also the group work, debating and tutorials I have to do on a regular basis are too much for me to cope with (severe social phobia). My attendance is poor, some modules such as debating I've not attended a single session for. I can't cope with the severe depression and anxiety which has become worse and worse since I first began in September.

I feel unable to contact my lecturers and have no idea who to speak to, my parents have no idea about this. I really don't want to move back in with my parents but me and my boyfriend feel I am just not able to cope with university at the moment. I'm not in a state to get a job either currently, I need a lot of help and therapy but it just isn't available where I am studying.

It hurts to be in this situation, and I'm totally at a loss as to what I could do.
Anyone else been in a similar situation?
Thanks

Have you looked into online study?

Oh, good idea! I haven't looked at that yet, shall do. Still, not sure yet. Psychology isn't very aspie friendly, and I'm not sure if I'm capable of education at the moment. Thanks though.

Don't count psychology out. Don't aim for clinical work; aim for laboratory research.

hi twinklingstarlight,

that laboratory research idea sounds really great for you, I think.

hey, you want to know something? I had the exact same hair colour as you in your profile photo, when I was your age ! !
(I'm now 32)
It's so beautiful, I think. My haircut was a little different, more like a pixie cut; shorter, that is.

I started Uni (college) straight out of high school at age 17. I really struggled in a similar way to what it sounds like you are at the moment. It was all too much for me, & I often dreaded the classes. I dropped out.

Even though we're two different people, and your situation's probably different in some ways to what mine was, all I can say is do whatever you can to complete your degree.
It'll keep your options open, at the least

I have had to work in life without a degree, and it was boring as hell.

This year I'm back at school (college/uni) & I love it to pieces.

The difference? For me, I had executive function issues that just messed with my ability to cope. I therefore could not function.
It's probably a really good idea for you to get some therapy & do some work yourself to figure stuff out - just don't take ten years, like I did.

For me, I had to know:

a) what I love, & therefore what I love to learn about

(which for me is Science (physics, maths, chem, biochem) & also music & art but music or art aren't technically career aims I would do a degree for)

b) how I work, and how I work best -
this is the same as knowing what one's needs are.

So, for me - for example - I have to wear earplugs in crowds, or I get totally brainfried. Sometimes I leave my sunglasses on in the lecture, because I'm visually sensitive, etc
Screw what other people think - I'm there to learn & to do what's best for me.

c) what to expect - I had to plan ahead, so I could focus myself and use things I'd always hated, like timetables, and do things I'd always dreaded, like prioritise being on time to class


I've only just gone back this year, so.. that's why I'm in this thread .. and I haven't proved myself right yet, but so far so good.
The school gave me credit for my previous study even though I'd failed some subjects and dropped out of a lot, which was really cool of them

Hope I haven't raved too much, I just, well, love the hair



edit - punctuation etc

Last edited by mysassyself on 17 Mar 2010, 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, the hair is cool. Have you considered talking to your professors about this? Or, if you are feeling non-verbal, bringing a note for them to read, or just emailing them? They are there to help you and most professors enjoy helping their students. Maybe you can work something out with them.

my first word of advice would be is to not think that you're too autistic for anything. if there's something you want to do you can still do it, you may need to approach it differently then other people but don't give up on yourself. yes it probably sounds cliche, but its true. the second you say "i can't do this" then you've already lost the chance to succeed.

when i was in univeristy (back in 2002-2004) i was in a similar situation that you're in right now. I only managed to complete a year and a half before i dropped out. I didnt talk to anyone (including the professors) and preferred to sit in the back of the class where i could be as close to the door as possible and away from most of the students. there was a lot of things that caused me a lot of anxiety and it did interfere with my performance in class. i couldn't retain any information given to me either in written or verbal form and only barely passed my first year. it wasnt until the end of my first semester the following year that i decided that i couldnt do university. since the beginning of my post-secondary life i was growing increasingly angry at myself for having such a difficult time with university and i had a lot of pressure on my from my family who had big expectations for me. I've always been the smartest (or at least seen that way) of my cousin's who i grew up with, my aunts and uncles even thought i was going to be a doctor. but regardless of what i did i couldn't keep up with the other students in my class. at this time i had no idea why i was getting so anxious and knew nothing of AS at the time (or of any of the other disorders i suspect i have) as i've only been aware of it for the past year. If i did know about AS back then I would have probably tried to take advantage of the guidance councellors available on campus. if anything they are there to listen to students and help them cope with the pressures of school regardless if you're an NT or not. if they can't help you they probably will have some idea who you can talk to in order to get some help. Its also important to remember that university is a high stress enviromnment for everyone, somewhere on campus there is going to be at least 5 people having a worse time than you. if you're willing to use the resources to help you out there are there.

also, like cybersan said, online schooling is a great option too. and i think the are a great opportunity for Aspies to continue their education without having to deal with being around a lot of people all the time and I myself find it easier to communicate with anyone via email or instant messaging. i remember in my first year computer science class, i never had to talk to my professor. they had actually setup a forum for our class where we could setup our own username and ask any questions we want and they would be answered by either the teacher themselves or even the other students and no one would know who i really was. schools these days are accomodating and may have a similar system setup at your school.

even though i dropped out of university, i didn't want to give up on school. about six months afterwards i applied to a vocational school and ended up doing the best in my class. my class only had 24 people in it which is a lot easier to handle then classes of 100+ students, and we only had 2 teachers for the 1 year course. since the class was small, there was no problem with approaching the teacher because they check in with you once in awhile to make sure you're doing okay anyway so you get used to them. the good part about my school as well is the fact that they helped me get a job after i was done the course so you're not completely stranded to find you're own work after graduation like in university. For me it was the best move i ever made to drop university and go to a vocational school. i still want to do more schooling, but it will most likely be online.

i apologize in advance for the long post lol my point after all that would be not to give up on school all together. if you need a break from it then do it, its better than putting yourself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. also, i think its important to make sure that anything you do now and in the future will benefit yourself, dont mind everyone else because they don't have to live your life, you do. living is hard, maybe extra hard for Aspies, but we're not alone

what is the main problem in coping with uni? is it mainly executive function, inability to understand/analyse subject or the huge lecture crowds? I told a friend about my social deficiency and the loneliness and he thinks i will love university.

Hi,
thanks everyone for the replies and sorry I haven't replied sooner! Oh, also, thanks for the hair compliments
I'm not sure what is meant by executive functioning, so I can't really respond too well.

I'm so nervous right now! I just realised now that for two modules I haven't attended a single class all semester due to fear of speaking (those modules are ALL about speaking) and I'm going to get in so much trouble for not going D: Oh boy am I nervous! I know I should have emailed them earlier but I was so scared >.< Anyway, should I raise this with someone? I know it's a bit late now to sort anything out and they'll probably be mad but I've done my best, signed up for counselling services but they took months to give me an appointment....
Should I turn up to the class tomorrow awkwardly or should I just miss it and sort it later? (It's the second from last lecture, probably not worth going...)
I've two choices: raise it with my tutor or raise it with my disability advisor.

Ugh, I want to scream!! !! !!

hi again twinklingstarlight,

just briefly read your reply post, after I got a reply notification email ..

I say raise it with your disability person first, then your tutor.

There's something called 'Special Consideration' that means if you're sick, or you have circumstances where you need councelling (something happens (eg someone dies) or you have a disability or even depression) - you can still pass the unit, even if you haven't completed all the work.

Say that you've had trouble, and tell them you've made counselling appointments. If you got diagnosed recently, tell them that too (as long as you're comfortable - but it will make a difference).

At least that way if they grant you special consideration you won't have to repeat.



Executive functioning is things like decision -making (indecisiveness) & day-to-day functioning, I guess like housecleaning & tidying.

thank you so much for replying so fast
I feel so much calmer and better now, thanks loads for the advice!
I'll go see someone tomorrow about it, thanks again for the advice.
And now you explained it, yeah I do have executive functioning problems.
Thanks!

I would raise it with your disability advisor, say your problems and ask the university to make reasonable adjustments to enable you to access your course.

Out of interest, which University are you at? Moving might be an option, there is a great variety in provision for disabled students across universities. Some even go as far as running an entire scheme for people with AS....

A lot of students don't do great in their first semester of college, whether they're autistic or not, so you're not alone or "too autistic" for university, necessarily.

I'd have to agree with the online study option and going into research; I'd also like to suggest community college, with intent to transfer later after you're more used to the rigors of college-level work. After my freshman year at a small liberal arts school, I had decent grades, but it was my first experience with school away from home (I was homeschooled), and I was gossiped about and had a very hard time making friends because I'm so eccentric. I transferred to community college, changed my major, and next semester, I'm transferring to a large university to study linguistics.

Don't give up. If you're smart enough to get into college and you know how to work hard, you can graduate.

No worries. Glad you felt calmer

tinmaiden, you made some good suggestions I thought. I must say I did a few short online courses that I knew I could easily finish and then a 3 week community college course, before I came back to uni.
I dropped out a few times of uni, so I felt I needed something short so I could experience finishing ( and get the 'finishing' feeling, Lol). It worked for me too and boosted my confidence. Now I've got a real estate certificate that looks good on my resume. Maybe it'll help me get part time work.

and, yeh, a lot of students struggle in first semester and first year.

even though sometimes there's important core stuff taught in first year, I do know that often students get an onslaught in first year - they kind of make you do more work in a way than in second year. It's broader based too, so it covers more different topics.
In one of our first year subjects they told us 'we give it to you to kind of change you out of high school study ways', so it's can be a bit of shock to the system for everyone.

I know for me, doing some shorter courses helped me 'come to terms' with the routines of doing a bit of work (reading and doing exercises) and doing the 3 week courses helped me know what the routine of 'going to class' felt like.
I had had, like executive function problems that meant I always always was late - often missing a class altogether, just because .. I did .. so going to a course, [i]any[/i] course, for 3 weeks where I just went to the classes was good for me

Best of luck

ps

so, what I was meaning was sometimes there's a trick to just getting through first year and then you can focus more on your topics of real interest in second year and it's easier..
(maybe depending on your course, though).

If you talk with a couple of people I'm sure you'll know what the best thing to do is

I was in college for a few months but I was barely attentive in class and was unable to cope with the large amount of classes that I was taking. It'd be much easier if I could just study what I wanted. In the end I quit. But that was only a year ago. I'd like to learn to deal with university with my inattentiveness. I always wanted to be a neurologist.