My first boyfriend

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I am 30 and never had a boyfriend. I don't like change. I am terrified of it. I have been thinking how I may never feel "ready" for a boyfriend

Your boyfriend may be just as terrified of change as you are. Knowing this about one another can make things easier.

I am 40 and never had a girlfriend (or friend girl either).
I am just starting to be re-interested in relationships.
But forget about me, and don't worry, I just wanted to say something maybe useful
(or maybe not). I always hope my words are good and useful.

I am afraid of BAD changes.
Are you also afraid of GOOD changes?
I always thought when people became boyfriend and girlfriend
that it was supposed to be a good change.
If not, why bother (that is not what I mean to say but it makes sense).

Move toward good things. Why be afraid of good things?
Be afraid of bad things but ONLY WHEN THEY ARE AROUND.
Avoid people who hurt you.
If friends start hurting you then they aren't friends.
For some reason that seems obvious but many people complain about
falling into that trap.

I don't have any more to say, I just don't know what else to say now.

If this worries you, then you could probably stand to make an effort to ease that fear(if possible) before attempting to get in a relationship. Assuming you don't already. Do you go to a counselor regularly?

Do you actually WANT a boyfriend? I've certainly seen a number of posts around here by people who don't actually want to be in relationships but feel pressured by friends/family/culture. Make sure you're deciding for yourself that it's what YOU want and not what other people tell you you're supposed to want.

If you do want a relationship, then Sound makes a good point, a good counselor can do a lot in terms of helping you work past your fears.

I would want one, yea. But not super fast. Guys just want things to happen too quickly.

I think it's important to think about what you want in a guy, what do you want in a relationship if you haven't given that thought yet.

If you're interested in dating, think you should try.

First post ever... howdy all!

Just as a preface, it's perfectly okay to want sex to come later. One just has to set those boundaries and be willing to squawk when lines are crossed. It might also be helpful to study how people indicate various types and levels of interest, not only to interpret the current intentions of the person in front of you, but to fine-tune your own signals. It's not particularly helpful for me to mention now, but long long ago I found some lost-and-forgotten remnants of pages on a web site that discussed basic body language. Sadly, it wasn't even close to complete.

What jeffhermy said: put thought into what sort of relationship you're looking for, and let the labels serve you rather than vice versa. Labels are often attached to a lot of baggage and unexamined expectations which you might not care for very much. In your work to define what relationship means to you, feel free to detach those components and attach others that you feel you need, either for now or for the foreseeable future, but be prepared to define your ideas explicitly and eventually sit down with a potential other at the appropriate time (something I sometimes jump the gun on, whoops) to discuss this stuff specifically. Hopefully by the time they've gotten to that stage, they have some sort of understanding of how you think and process, and can summon patience to accommodate the differences.

What is a relationship? There are a lot of assumptions buried in the word. Here are some questions that address some of them, along with other important attributes and limits, whose answers you should ponder and note and eventually be ready to discuss. Where do you want the relationship to go? How far would it have to go before you'd consider an end a success? (I offer that any experience gained in the realm of relationships is a success, even if it ends in tears. Congratulations; you just learned something you don't want.) Sex? (At what level of trust? What kind? What risks are acceptable? Is kink a plus or minus?) Emotional intimacy? Exclusivity in sex and/or emotions? (If not absolutely yes or absolutely no, then how much, and is that reasonable for the person?) How much time is ideally spent together? Intention to cohabitate? How often (minimum/maximum) would you communicate and by what media? How often (minimum/maximum) might you see each other and under what circumstances? Are you willing to build a relationship whose longevity or other factors are limited by external and possibly unpredictable circumstances (jobs/school/family)?

Yes, that's quite a bit to think about. No, you don't have to know all the answers if you don't have relationship experience. Yes, it's okay for real individuals to not match 100% to your requirements, and differ in where the differences are. Yes, it's probably a bad idea to whip out a checklist and turn the first date into a job interview And no, don't trust anything fictional on relationships when checking for reasonableness! I've seen too many bad relationships directly modeled on bad fiction -- monkey see, monkey do.

Practically speaking, consider online dating if chatting people up cold at a social function isn't particularly comfortable for you. It's where I met my wonderful, understanding NT girlfriend of 2.75 years.

Hope this helps!

Welcome to WP, oohshiny!

Uh, wow. That's not good. I'd try to date a few guys just to get it out of the way. No, you don't have to sleep with them, (can just say I'm saving myself for marriage) but being too awkward is going to hurt in the long run.