Diagnose me... with something..

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I do not fit the profile of the Aspergers human to a tee.. Lets describe me some..

1. Great balance, co-ordination and motor skills. Well above average.
2. No photographic or photogenic memory, better at remembering faces and feelings than names or codes/passwords/numbers but some are never forgotten.
3. Generous, giving, empathetic, caring, loving, concerned for others.
4. Very fast moving, fast walker, talker, thinker, learner etc.
5. Obsessed with current interests, the environment, love, healing, art, dance, education, self improvement, helping others, honesty, law.
6. Always do things DIFFERENTLY. varied routes, paths, actions, never the same way twice if I can find another way. More methods = better.
7. Good chess player, apply chess thinking to everyday events, preplan to avoid discomfort (bring spare socks to raves, extra shirt as a towel etc.)
8. Open to spur of the moment changes in events, used to redirection
9. Impatient, demand of others they "keep up" or be efficient.
10. Semantic, say things in two/three different orders/ways to be certain people understand. Used to being misunderstood/unfollowable.
11. Eat twice and thrice the average person, remained 138 pounds most of my life, continually reaffirmed to self that I could gain NO weight and thus did not. In the last three months, after going homeless I began to test that belief and state I "am gaining weight" and thus have gained ten pounds and didn't have to pay for it.
12. No allergies or medications(except marijauna) entire life, I almost never get sick. Pot changes multi-branch thinking patterns and smooths out communication.
13. Capable of motor skill use/typing, talking, listeingin to music, sensing everything around me, contemplating things and more concurrently.
14. Often prefer to avoid eye contact in conversations due to the knowledge that most people misinterpret the facial expression I use. Better at working/cleaning/washing dishes etc. while conversing. Capable of conversing AND intaking a lot of extraneous information at the same time, often people think I was not listening because I look around a lot but in fact I listen more intently when focused on things other than the speaker.
15. Extremely organized in arranging thing but prefer to change the positions of things constantly, rearranging rooms often and trying to find moreefficient/comfortable positioning of everything, ease of use/access etc. Apply this to physical things and data. Categorize and group obsessively. All alike things go together, books are ordered from big to small etc.
16. Dirt doesent bother me all the time but when i focus on cleaning I obsessively do the best possible job, multitasking and leaving one portionof the cleanup to tackle another, completing more areas than the original focus job.
17. Constant concern with concurrent completion of any/every thing possible. Ray Clark implanted that seed into me, always pick up things on the way if you have a free hand, always complete the quick things imediately if they are en-route to another task, the otehr task can wait, more things done=better.
18. Hold very little to no interest in "small talk" if it has no educational value. Do not any longer watch TV, movies are rare now.
19. Have read probably over a thousand books, over three thousand movies.. watched all episodes of every star trek, babylon 5, and hundreds of other tv series.. done with tv, tv disgusts me these days.
20. See symbology as everything, numbers, shapes, object layouts, wind motion, sounds, songs (as you hear them) and everything in every direction as being "good orderly direction" from "God"
21. Know that because the "atom" is alive, then everything is alive and connected electrically this communicating and "Everything" is the cumulative concept of "God"
22. Treated unfairly and unjustly by many many people, has been this way ever since childhood. Been bullied, beat up, discriminated against, denied access to services, fired from most jobs (after eliciting more skills than we required, they wanted a dumber person who would shut up and not learn more than they wanted me to learn) Ignored in terms of beneficial offered information, people tend not to WANT to learn from me.
23. Understand emotions VERY well, know I control the flow/choice of them, have refrained from exibiting them for years, always remained within the spectrum of cautious indifference, both elevated/excited and not. Tended to only go the way of sadness, depression, agitation etc. This is due to the difficulty of existing as a slave and the inability to be "liked" or shown true friendship by most of the world.
24. Had been completely incapable of crying for years, since childhood. Did not feel as if anything was worth crying for, even when very sad, lonely, depressed and TRYING to elicit tears I was incapable because I wanted them to come for me. Recently I overcame this and have been able to express feelings in all directions, crying for others, for injustice and things but not for me.
25. Able to "feel" others pain, huge identify/emapthize with observe pain, I "feel" what I see, when on a movie or show I see a leg get broken I somehow transfer the experience of it into me and "feel" it too. Am aware of emotional and auric energies around me, do not "see" them with sight but with sensation. Can distinguish the difference between the "feeling" of those I have a strong connection to and those who are just "pushing in" through my "shield" and the surrounding environment such as plantlife, the earth, etc.

I look in many directions for tests to "diagnose" me with some silly label of a disorder but know that there is no test out there capable of properly diagnosing me, there are no properly comprehendable "syndromes" anyway. Aspergers is a discrimination. Autism is a discrimination. Every human is unique like fingerprints. Society is forcing people to be all the same, if you do not fit into the "group" determination that you MUST be like they are, then they mistreat you, call you names, slander/libel you, accuse you of having problems etc. They have been trained to believe that everyone has to be like the people on tv, that lieing for friends and allowing friends to get away with breaking the law is the norm and thus when you are honest and try to not allow people around you to deny you human rights or to break the law, they hate you and ask others to agree with them, then you are pushed out or away by overwhelming numbers and society denies you are even human.

This world is in such distress, the people are all doing things backwards, taking, destroying, killing, mutilating, hurting, living sad, angry or afraid lives, pushing their emotional states into the negative spectrum and shaping their faces over the duration of their lives into the worst shapes, aging themselves through negative thoughts, actions and statements, beleiveing that the worst traits in people are the ones society wants and that the good, smart, caring people who give of themselves selflessly are the ones who deserve punishment..

Am I from the wrong planet? I have had no respect for this society for years. I could place no faith in singular views of "God" because the curches were filled with such hate and fears and noone ever did what the books said were possible or guied them to do.. No faith in the law because I had been mistreated by it so many times.. No faith in the government, they are allowed to slander and libel, they destroy the world and they only care about money, blame, marketing and the worst of things. They always made things overcomplicated and achieved so little and never evaluated things properly in order to fix them!

I can go on in so many directions with the reasons I would rather die or live in the woods than in this society but I am also surrounded by good people, people who want change but don't have the intelligence people like me are gifted with, they ought to grow the balls, the nerve, the gall to give up possessions and security and fight for what is right, they never amalgamated enough information to see how simple the solutions really are for this world.. They don't believe we CAN change, they reinforce negative futures and ask us to agree with them.. DO NOT AGREE!! ! We CAN change, we CAN grow, we CAN learn and we DID learn. Will we come together and CHANGE NOW??

Sounds like a case of the mondays.

... I'm sorry.

Ok, I'll take you at your word: "Diagnose me... with something.."
(Just one of the variant moves possible in responding to your post, including not replying to it at all) Lots of ways of thinking, and from your post, sensing, though I've never trusted my "knowing" that way much, it's proven too unreliable.



May I tentatively suggest the diagnosis of "The Outsider"

See Colin Wilson's seminal book of that title and also works such as Herman Hesse's "Steppenwolf"

As a diagnosis it appears to fit your malaise, while allowing for considerable individual flexibility and a fair degree of overlap with the features of Aspergers' syndrome.

To misquote, each person can be an outsider in their own way, though Wilson does not see this as simply a negative thing. "The Outsider As Visionary" is one of his chapters.
From what you have written here, I suspect you may be somewhat in tune with the line from the postscript (1963 edition):
"In short, man does not yet exist. He is still a mere animal." (italics in original)

I diagnose you with Hero Disorder: characterised by extreme talent and ability to outperform others and inspire.

hero disorder hehe coool.. but where can I get a good description of the traits of someone "sufferring" from being a hero.. lol oh hmm

Why do you want to be diagnosed with something? If you know yourself that well, what good well I diagnosis do you? Maybe I'd understand if I read past 16.

Giftie with comorbid New Ageyness.

I could say the same about myself for most of your points. Let my show you:

No: 1. Great balance, co-ordination and motor skills. Well above average.
Sort of: 2. No photographic or photogenic memory, better at remembering faces and feelings than names or codes/passwords/numbers but some are never forgotten.
I have trouble remembering faces but can remember feelings and certain important numbers
Yes: 3. Generous, giving, empathetic, caring, loving, concerned for others.
Yes: 4. Very fast moving, fast walker, talker, thinker, learner etc.
Yes: 5. Obsessed with current interests, the environment, love, healing, art, dance, education, self improvement, helping others, honesty, law.
To most of them and probably will get into others someday.
Yes: 6. Always do things DIFFERENTLY. varied routes, paths, actions, never the same way twice if I can find another way. More methods = better.
I usually try different paths if I can and prefer a different one if only just to make sure my usual path is the correct or most efficient one
Yes: 7. Good chess player, apply chess thinking to everyday events, preplan to avoid discomfort (bring spare socks to raves, extra shirt as a towel etc.)
I plan ahead fairly well (carrying around a water bottle, determining the minimum I need), am not good at chess but do apply scientific , mathematic, statistical, and computer philosophy very intimately to all of my life.
Yes: 8. Open to spur of the moment changes in events, used to redirection
Yes: 9. Impatient, demand of others they "keep up" or be efficient.
But I control it decently
Yes: 10. Semantic, say things in two/three different orders/ways to be certain people understand. Used to being misunderstood/unfollowable.
I taught my boss about physics recently and he learned it well. I used to often explain things that were only of particular importance to myself to people like my grandmother who listened but didn't understand well.
No: 11. Eat twice and thrice the average person, remained 138 pounds most of my life, continually reaffirmed to self that I could gain NO weight and thus did not. In the last three months, after going homeless I began to test that belief and state I "am gaining weight" and thus have gained ten pounds and didn't have to pay for it.
Mostly: 12. No allergies or medications(except marijauna) entire life, I almost never get sick. Pot changes multi-branch thinking patterns and smooths out communication.
I definately haven't thought about how pot affects my brain well enough, but have made some insightful thoughts while on it and helps with communication. I like talking to stoners.
Partly: 13. Capable of motor skill use/typing, talking, listeingin to music, sensing everything around me, contemplating things and more concurrently.
To use a computer term I consider myself about 1.15 threaded (I can handle 1.15 things at the same time) so I'm not particularly concurrent but have a little extra processing power. I'm just not that great at motor skills -- I can maybe get to 18 wpm.
Mostly: 14. Often prefer to avoid eye contact in conversations due to the knowledge that most people misinterpret the facial expression I use. Better at working/cleaning/washing dishes etc. while conversing. Capable of conversing AND intaking a lot of extraneous information at the same time, often people think I was not listening because I look around a lot but in fact I listen more intently when focused on things other than the speaker.
I'm decent at maintaining good eye contact. Listening and doing work at the same time is definately easy for me, and I can easily notice things and think about them for a second while someone is talking to me.
Somewhat: 15. Extremely organized in arranging thing but prefer to change the positions of things constantly, rearranging rooms often and trying to find moreefficient/comfortable positioning of everything, ease of use/access etc. Apply this to physical things and data. Categorize and group obsessively. All alike things go together, books are ordered from big to small etc.
I'm not that obsessive as I can usually categorize things on-the-fly. But I do a good amount of reorganization when needed.
No: 16. Dirt doesent bother me all the time but when i focus on cleaning I obsessively do the best possible job, multitasking and leaving one portionof the cleanup to tackle another, completing more areas than the original focus job.
Clutter inhibits how I work and makes me feel penned in but I do obsessively do the best job, but to maintain my sanity I often leave it at "good enough"
Sort of: 17. Constant concern with concurrent completion of any/every thing possible. Ray Clark implanted that seed into me, always pick up things on the way if you have a free hand, always complete the quick things imediately if they are en-route to another task, the otehr task can wait, more things done=better.
I'm still working on my work scheduler and getting around my inertia.
Yes: 18. Hold very little to no interest in "small talk" if it has no educational value. Do not any longer watch TV, movies are rare now.
I don't watch much TV or movies, but a good show (Family Guy, Futurama, House) or movie is refreshing and I can intensely enjoy it. Small talk is boring but I'm learning to appreciate it more as I become better at being social.
No: 19. Have read probably over a thousand books, over three thousand movies.. watched all episodes of every star trek, babylon 5, and hundreds of other tv series.. done with tv, tv disgusts me these days.
I don't read much fiction or watch much else but TV is crap.
Sort of: 20. See symbology as everything, numbers, shapes, object layouts, wind motion, sounds, songs (as you hear them) and everything in every direction as being "good orderly direction" from "God"
The natural order of the universe is derived intimately from the laws of it, and view the universe as a huge computer.
Sort of: 21. Know that because the "atom" is alive, then everything is alive and connected electrically this communicating and "Everything" is the cumulative concept of "God"
I consider the god of order to be the universe and it natural laws and believe that another "god" created the universe and set up the rules and initial condition, and we are here because the rules of the universe caused the correct events to happen to make us be here.
Yes: 22. Treated unfairly and unjustly by many many people, has been this way ever since childhood. Been bullied, beat up, discriminated against, denied access to services, fired from most jobs (after eliciting more skills than we required, they wanted a dumber person who would shut up and not learn more than they wanted me to learn) Ignored in terms of beneficial offered information, people tend not to WANT to learn from me.
Partly: 23. Understand emotions VERY well, know I control the flow/choice of them, have refrained from exibiting them for years, always remained within the spectrum of cautious indifference, both elevated/excited and not. Tended to only go the way of sadness, depression, agitation etc. This is due to the difficulty of existing as a slave and the inability to be "liked" or shown true friendship by most of the world.
I have a full spectrum of basic emotion but lack more complex emotion such a jelousy. I've always been more introverted and to myself, and as I get better at socializing and training my brain I'll get more complex emotions.
Yes: 24. Had been completely incapable of crying for years, since childhood. Did not feel as if anything was worth crying for, even when very sad, lonely, depressed and TRYING to elicit tears I was incapable because I wanted them to come for me. Recently I overcame this and have been able to express feelings in all directions, crying for others, for injustice and things but not for me.
Yes: 25. Able to "feel" others pain, huge identify/emapthize with observe pain, I "feel" what I see, when on a movie or show I see a leg get broken I somehow transfer the experience of it into me and "feel" it too. Am aware of emotional and auric energies around me, do not "see" them with sight but with sensation. Can distinguish the difference between the "feeling" of those I have a strong connection to and those who are just "pushing in" through my "shield" and the surrounding environment such as plantlife, the earth, etc.
I've used this ability to help turn around my fraternity as president. When I came in, nothing was getting done and I could sense the disorder of how messed up it was. I tried many things and believe I've attacked the underlying problems. Things are definately looking up.

Just so you know, last night I realized just how closely I fit the stereotype of asperger's when I realized that I missed much of the nonverbal communication from my own girlfriend. I cried, but now I know that I am absolutely an aspie and while it is very uncomfortable to know that even though you thought you observed nonverbal communication well, you missed a lot of it. I'm learning it now and even though talking with someone who appreciates my strong interests is still what I'm best at, I'm beginning to get good at talking to normal people, even if a lot of what they say is complete bullsh*t.

Sounds like you've got certain features of ADD, and certain others of Asperger's, but you obviously lack certain things said to be typical AS features...

ADD and genius level intellect can both (especially in males) present certain traits that are similar to AS, so i wouldn't be surprised if you just had a combination of mild ADD with an extremely high IQ (and possibly some metabolic anomalies as well with your unusually high food intake and apparent "enhanced" immune system... it's one of my (untested, but strongly suspected from anecdotal evidence) theories that ASDs/PDDs are often accompanied by unusually active metabolism).

You sound similar to what a lot of New Age type people refer to as "Indigo" (which i suspect to often if not usually be a "romanticisation" of mild AS and/or ADD in children with high intelligence)...

I have always been good at talking to people when I ignore their commmunication problems, don't correct them, don't mind that they treat me like s**t and correct me and point out my problems and ignore human rights and legal voilations in everyone..

I got sick of it. Everywher I go people have alwyas told me I am broken, wrong, bad, defective, whatever. They've always had nothing but BS to talk about, pointing out other peoples faults and mistakes and gossipping about their friends and tlaknig about enemies and all teh worst traits imagninable. They have always been self absorbed, greedy, intent on self gratification, entertainment and time wasting.

So, back in December something hit me, i reconnected to the collective consciousness or soemthing, I was channelling a lot of rage at that time, you could almost say I went societally insane. I certainly wasnt clinically insane, I was fine in the sense that I could still exist and still can exist without "saying anything or standing up for what is right" but I can't be a slave anymore, I can't be programmed anymore. Heres a song I wrote today..

I sent it to Kos in Toronto.

Yo Chris, the system tried to destroy me, they won't employ me
I used to be a man but now no one looks at me
when they look they only see insanity, a calamity
they cannot listen, the truth is a lesson, a precession
everywhere I turn, the preprogramming manifests
so much pain, the insults rain, again and again
I slow down, I speed up and encounter more tests
yet the tests have no bearing, a new skin I am wearing
I've shed the old for the new, dissassociated too
bearing no grudges, theres nothing left for me to do
giving it all up for the righteousness, the worlds amiss
with confusion and contrary definitives dismissive hands up
every direction leads back to slavery, its too tough
time for a change a return to the way it used to be
you see I'm a crucial superstar, a part of this family
and I wont return to slavery.

Enlightenment, illumination, dedication to be a savior of the nations
the truth must be known, we're organically grown
hydroponic, hypnotic, erotic, being shaped by the man
gotta reverse directions, re-evaluate the connections
the man can't have us anymore, we know the truth
no more will we be contained within the money booth
patenting, trademarking, copyrighting, everywhere fighting
listen up humanity, I know you can hear me
you can't stop the bum from rising from the sea
no more identification, religion, precisional decisions
gone off in new directions, I'm a supersattelite
more powerful than the wrong and the right
waking up the world to a star filled night

I tried it.. in the system I couldn't fight it, I was denied it
whatever it was, I'm no longer that man and never can
return to the way I've lived for 30 years you understand?
I'm gonna change this place, bring the truth to this race
my senses are the sharpest they've ever been
time for a new crew, a new home, a new scene

I am piloting this plane
Chris knows it's never gonna be the same
it took a few years to get me woke
its time I stand up and spoke
the words are loud and clear
theres only chaos here
gimme the wheel, let me steer
the future is near

My reflection is focused and determined to see
everything we were unwilling to be, come join me
I'm through playing games, time for change
the mystery is clarified and grows clearer every day
from dusk till dawn we dance and we dance
a world full of fake romance, people lackin integrity
why have peoples souls been so dirty, its unpretty

no more, my spirit is sore, my soul is torn, reborn
giving it all up for the good, stepping outta the woods
seeing society for the trees, I'm down on bended knee
beggin that we stop all of this maniacal insanity

I don't wanna walk alone no more
no more walls, no more doors
I'm a free spirit now, nothing to bring me down
pushed into a gutter, forsaken by my mother
had my girl run away, had all my friends say
your actin crasy, you don't have the right way
so I say, look again brother, you're glue, I'm rubber
none of this programming can stick to me
open everyones eyes, help them to see
they've gotta let it all go, stop and look again
this aint the end, I can't pretend, I wont lie
its a new beginning, 2012 is coming, am I

So here we are, at the end of a rope
wondering and wanting and living in hope
only God can judge me and he judges me sane
I know it aint me, its GOD piloting this plane
our creator always had a master plan in store
evolution for the entire race, getting out of this place
infinite infinity, flames and electricity,
static, magnetic, atomic, kenetic, country, city
all types of people, everyone the same
a world of clones, no more, endgame



Thus tho, since trying to do 100% the RIGHT things.. I've had my life ruined in every way possible except because I know I am connected to reality more than just about anyone now, I can't be hurt. My spirit is stronger than its ever been.

I've been homeless for 3 months, without ID or money and I've actually gained ten pounds without paying for it! HEHE