Adopted Russian boy sent back

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It seems to me, if you decide to become a parent, then you decide you're in it for the good and the bad. Sending a 7 year old back alone is reprehensible.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36322282/ns ... ws-europe/

That was very evil of the foster parents to do.

This is the results of "parents" who think adopting a child is just like buying a new car or something.

Some people, as this adoptive mother, a nurse who lives in the state of Tennesee are just not "fit" to be a mother. This seven year old Russian boy has already suffered enough sadness and abuse from an alcoholic, biological mother... which is why he ended up in the Orphanage in Russia in the first place.

All international adoptions between Russia and the USA have been halted as a result of this disturbing, horrible event.

i didnt read this link i read another, did this one not include the bit about the kid wanting to burn down the house and kill the parents. i would have sent the little bastard back too

Sad. Seems like fostering a child from within Tennessee might have been a better option?? Wouldn't that demand a bit more cooperation between the adoptive parents and the orphanage when a meltdown occurs?? I feel bad for the kid, he's probably been abused his entire short life - don't think anybody wins in this one : (

I would like to know more about this than I've heard in the media.

BUT, regardless of what I eventually learn, you do not return a kid like a puppy because it was not "as advertised." When you adopt, you are always taking a chance on the child. You have to be willing to accept that you may not get a "perfect" child. Whether the child is older or is younger and you know almost nothing about him or her, you've got to acknowlege that there are all sorts of things that could be running through that child. Psychotic behavior? Possibly. Genetic problems? Possibly. Adjustment disorders? Possibly. The little boy's been in an orphanage for years - did they really expect Beaver Cleaver after that????? If the kid came down with MS or Leukemia in a year, do you send them back because they are defective? Uhhh, no. You get them medical help and try to provide them with as much of a quality of life as you can. If the kid turns out to be psychotic, then you have a psychotic child and you get them the help they need, just as if you bore them yourself. It's sad. It's a tragedy. And it's your child.

When you adopt it's for life. Period. You do not return a kid a year into it because you can't manage or life isn't what you thought it would be with them. Even if life becomes hell.

End of story.

You're absolutely correct.

But what puzzles me about this story is ... why is someone in Tennessee adopting a child from Russia?

There are plenty of adoptable children in the US.

That kind of says something, doesn't it, StoneMan?

You are BOTH correct...when you adopt a child, you do NOT adopt on a trial basis. The authorities are considering pressing charges of child abandonment regardless of the emotional problems this seven year old boy has endured in his short, young life.

The case for "child abandonment" looks pretty open-and-shut to me. If the boy had been the woman's biological child, there wouldn't even be a question about it. As far as I know, the legal standing of adopted children is no different than that of biological children.

Do you mean that you think she was caught up in some sort of "cause du jour", and wasn't adopting the child out of a sincere desire to be a parent?

possibly.

or

she wanted a blue eyed blond boy (much like choosing a poodle) and none were available locally.

OR

perhaps the local authorities would not approve her for an adoption.

there are a tremendous number of children in foster care who need good, loving homes. i looked into becoming a foster parent at one time and decided i could not do it as i would have a hard time letting go of a child after s/he had lived with me for any length of time. especially if i knew they were going back into harms way. (i volunteered to raise orphan kittens and socialize cats that were abused for a shelter instead, to satisfy the maternal craving. i am one of those foolish old women who become emotionally attached to anything in my care, and i regularly cried as i'd bring one kitten back to go out to a permanent home and take another home the same day to do it all over again. if i was that much of a mess over a cat, it would have been emotionally shredding to have to say goodbye to a child i'd come to care for. i'm a coward, i don't want to do that to myself.)

it's a stringent process to adopt a child permanently. i was told that i would qualify based on my somewhat limited income at the time, my education, the stability of my family, and the psychological profile and references they had for me, but i was not 100% ready to commit to another child under my roof forever, having raised one already. (hence looking at fostering instead.) i'm not a rich woman, my home has one whopper of a mortgage, i'm older, and i'm single, and i'm on the autistic spectrum. yet they would have worked with me to place a child permanently. i have to wonder why this woman could not adopt locally? it's my understanding the boy was only with her since september of last year? SIX MONTHS?????

good freaking lord, what was she thinking?

poodles.

Are you saying that the qualifications for being an adoptive parent vary depending on the country of origin of the child? I didn't know that. It sounds to me as if that's an issue that needs to be looked at, as a result of the fallout from this case.

Regarding "choosing poodles" ... I do think this woman has a legitimate complaint if it's indeed true that she was assured the child had no serious psychological problems. When a seven-year-old threatens to commit mass murder, that constitutes a "serious problem" in my view. What seven-year-old kid says such things? Something is seriously wrong there.

I'm not saying that justifies sending him back to the store like an unwanted pair of shoes. I agree ... once you've got him, you've got him. I am saying that it doesn't appear that sending him back was the only reprehensible act in this case.

stone man, i know seven year old children who were ~not~ adopted who threatened to whack their parents with a baseball bat when angry. i have heard one say they wanted to kill their father. (they subsequently grew to be perfectly lovely people, who now have children of their own. seven year old children do not necessarily have the same understanding of concepts of "kill", etc., that adults do. they're not developmentally in the same place. one would hope, anyway.)

children have to learn how to behave. they have to be shown what's appropriate and what is not, and helped to learn to control their emotions. that's what parenting ~IS~. it's helping a child learn to cope and grow. for a child that's been in an institution, you may have to go back a few years in what you expect they can handle. especially if there's been trauma in their lives. extra work, extra understanding, extra support may be needed. from what i've read, the woman consulted a psychologist about him, but never brought the child in for any sort of therapy or treatment. she had him for six months, and when she asked him to do things he didn't want to do he reacted badly. ok. so then you work with him. you don't put him on a freaking airplane back to where he came from.

she had the boy for six months. six months. wow. ANY child that's uprooted, nevermind one that's pulled across the world to a different culture, a different family situation, a different routine.... even the most well-adjusted child on the planet is going to have difficulties with that, especially at age seven. six months isn't much of an effort on the adoptive mother's part. it sounds more like the case of a woman who's biological alarm clock was going off, and who was very much enamored with the ~idea~ of having a child. when the reality check set in, she didn't want to invest the effort. it didn't turn out to be the fun, "rewarding" "mommy and me" experience she had expected. so she dropped the kid like a hot rock.

or, the boy could be completely psychotic. i kind of doubt that, though. apparently there was a follow-up visit from the social worker and no problems were seen at the time. the kid wouldn't just suddenly go psychotic, i wouldn't think. though it's possible. he'd have gotten off the plane that way would be my guess. so until otherwise apprised, i'll go with my gut feeling on this. she flaked.

yes, adoption requirements vary wildly from state to state in the usa. some states are much more strict as far as who is allowed to adopt a child than others. it would appear to me that foreign adoptions' vetting is highly dependent on the country involved. i do know of people here who were not approved for a local adoption or who wanted an infant (not an older child - infants are in very short supply here) who were able to procure one for themselves overseas. all of those people did very well as parents, and their children are also doing well. so it's not just the miscreants who can't get a kid here who go overseas to get one.

obviously, this woman was not properly vetted, and it may well be that no effort was made to see if there was going to be a good fit between prospective parent and child. but damn, what WAS that woman thinking when she signed up for this? that she could just say "he's not what i ordered" when things weren't like a storybook?

pathetic.