Can I teach my ASD child to play music?

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Hi, I have a 3 yr old daughter recently diagnosed with classic autism. She loves music and listens to music for a good portion of her day, especially children's songs, upbeat pop dance/R&B and all things from the 1970's, rock, disco, the carpenters etc...

She is great at singing and memorizing songs and we have plently of instruments around the house for us to play with. I've heard that most people on the spectrum are self taught and may not respond well to formal lessons. I'm interested to hear from musical aspies how they were able to make the transition from musical appreciation to actually playing music? If you didn't take formal lessons, how did you make the leap from listening to music to playing, and how did your parents encourage this without forcing the issue and putting on too much pressure? How old were you when you started to play? Thank you

Well, I was forced to play the piano and I absolutely hated it. For one, the teachers (I had several due to moving a few times) always creeped me out. Secondly, no one had really explained to me why I needed to do this. I also never could read notes.

I don't pretend to be some sort of spokesperson for everyone with an ASD, of course. I think self-teaching (or non-formal teaching in general) is better, because there is a lot less pressure and there isn't really a forced element: You can play when and for as long as you want to.

I only attempted learning to play an instrument once, and I was already a teen at the time, but I do remember very well what frustrated me into giving it up. My teacher, who was himself a virtuoso, absolutely insisted that I could not learn anything but scales and simple practice tunes. I didn't mind that, I understood the necessity of those things, but I wanted to learn at least one song that I liked, so I'd feel like I was getting somewhere, and learning something that was worthwhile to me, but he was adamant that I not get distracted from the basics. As a result, I became instantly bored with the whole thing and gave it up. Entire process took less than six weeks.

Otherwise, I think I might have gone on to pursue it, I really enjoyed the instrument, just hated the feeling that I wasn't allowed to have fun playing it. Music is supposed to be a pleasant experience, not a punishment.

I think that she should decide, when to take up and instrument.

Maybe. I would get her some cheap kid instruments like a recorder and maybe a couple of other things and see if she enjoys playing them--even if it isn't really music yet. It all depends on what kind of a thinker she is. If she has a pattern-thinking brain, then it's very possible she will want to make music. If not, she might want to, but not be able to: like me. I am musically inept, but I'm terrible at math and could never read music notes.

yes, let her play! Without a doubt, learning music is a good thing. Because she is different, then the instructor will have to learn how adapt to her differences. This is the issue of knowing your child's quirks, understanding ASD's and being open-minded. Of course, this is not like a public school, you get to choose your instructor and can make him/her adapt their teaching for your daughter. Another difficulty would be in testing and recitals, which you can make decisions on whether you want your daughter to do them or not. I've taken formal lessons in piano. I got through them just fine, but I did not do any testing. Recitals were stressful, but they were only twice a year, so I got through. Some instruments are hard for children that age - the guitar neck may be too big, a violin might feel uncomfortable by the neck, etcetera. It's also important to set some rules for how to play - don't smash your instrument when you get frustrated would probably be a good one. Drumming (like an african-style drum) can be therapeutic as well, very fun to play.

Children learn through play. How do you teach them without pressure? Put instrument in front of them and let them play.

There is a cliche I am thinking of that applies to this - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

I should tell you a bit more about my daughter. She wakes up to ukulle (spelt wrong, I know) music every morning, then requires about 15 minutes of the Seventies digital music channel while she stims rocking on the couch before she starts her day. At daycare her favorite activities are singing, dancing and playing in the sand and/or rocks. She has meltdowns when the song on the radio ends and the annoucer comes on the give the news. One of her toy keyboards has a button that plays "Ode to Joy" on it and sometimes I think if I hear that song again I will throw myself off the roof of my house. I could go on and on. She does have toy instruments and some grownup ones and she's constantly brining them to me. Unfortunately, despite 11 years of formal music lessons, I kinda suck and can't show her much beyond scales, chords and twinkle twinkle little star.

I think what I'm trying to ask is if there are any aspies who are self-taught musicians and who really love music? Or any who took formal lessons and loved it? If so, what type of environment were you around growing up and how did you develop your talents? My daughter really really likes music and I'd just like to help her. Thank you

That's just 3-year-olds; my 3-year-old granddaughter does the same thing...
I actually took piano for 5 years, but only listened to the teacher play the piece, then play it back from memory...

You got to want to do it, when I decided months ago I wanted to play guitar I had to decide to spend the money and get the basic tablature book. I don't know about ASD kids that much but my NT nephew is fascinated with the guitar but he doesn't want to learn basic chords or how to even fret the neck. He has a guitar that is his size and all he does is play open and muted notes, he likes playing with it but he doesn't want to learn anything about it. I think it is all about making noise, but that is fine. I think he will eventually build the fascination into a very strong interest or even an obsession and learn something.

Hi.

You mention that there's "plenty of instruments around the house for us to play with". That's a good start in life for any child, whether on the spectrum or nt.

Does your daughter show interest in making sounds with the instruments herself?

If no one plays those you have around, she may not yet realize what joy can be found in discovering new things with them on her own. Also, without contact with these things that make the music she hears, she may not connect them to the songs she listens to or to her own singing.

If you or family members play an instrument, then she will probably already have shown interest in participating, on some level, when they play (which they should do often around her); whether singing, dancing, or interacting with the instrument itself.


I studied music with a teacher for a few years when very young, then stopped for a while but later picked it up again on my own, eventually going on to teach music (different instruments, tho mostly piano, with a special interest in theory, structure, composition) for many years. I have Asperger's and a couple of my students were on the spectrum too.

Trying to figure out how best to teach them happily startled me out of some old patterns and routines, pushed me to rethink and try new approaches and methods. I'm sure I learned at least as much as the kids did. It was a fine challenge at the outset; finding our mutual language, the students and I. I loved working through that little puzzle almost as much as music itself.

And for the AS kids, both learned well, even eagerly. One of them especially found real excitement in it, and connected early to the fact that it's another language, maybe another way he could use to express himself when words weren't always easy. (I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to watch him find his "bliss", and that I contributed a little to his process. He went on to major in music in college; entering with advanced skills, he almost immediately became a tutor in the music department to earn $$ for textbooks [and video games.] )

Ah, but anyway, the key, I think, is to just open that door for her -- show her the instruments, demonstrate them, play for her and with her, letting her touch, experiment, and make connections in her own way. If she shows sustained interest in wanting to play, you can go from there; start her with a quirky and patient teacher who will know when to structure and when to give her free reign. But, if she really connects to an instrument, you probably won't be able to stop her learning a lot on her own anyway.


Good luck!
Liz

I'm not sure how much your daughter and I relate, I'm a recently diagnosed Aspie and everyone insists I am "very mild" whatever that means. But, I do know how to play a couple instruments and my mom says I was always good at music (I don't see it but that's what she says). She says at a young age I would listen to a song and say "Do you hear that ________(particular instrument) playing?" Sometimes an instrument she hadn't taught me the name of. She 'forced' me to take piano at a young age. I was anxious about it at the beginning, but I had an extremely sweet teacher who just taught for fun so I relaxed pretty quickly. I now play a little bit of guitar and I sang in the choir in high school too. In all cases someone taught me, I just needed it to be a low-stress environment where I knew what was expected of me.

There was a piano around when I was growing up and my mom played a little. When I was around 4 I started teaching myself songs I heard off the radio, so my parents got me into lessons. I took lessons for 10 years and enjoyed them, my teacher was good at figuring out how I learned. When I was 12 I taught myself how to play the flute, and eventually won a scholarship to a band camp where I learned more about technique. Music is what keeps me going,

If there are instruments around her it sounds like a good environment to me.

Well, I started taking piano lessons at 4 years old via the Suzuki method (focusing a lot on ear training and family involvement in learning) and though I never really got into classical training in music to the extent that a lot of people do, this was a great foundation for me. Of course, everybody, ASD or not, has a way that works best for them, but it might be a way to start, especially if she already has such a strong interest in listening to music. I never really got into playing piano until middle school and high school when I started playing jazz, but having that background helped me very much, and I am now so thankful that I learned this skill when I was a child.