Turned 40 three months ago, do I tell my woman I am Virgin?

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Yes, I am an A-typical Aspie as far as the syndrome in concerned in needing alone time and lack of social skills. I just wanted to interject because all my NT friends have told me that by my age, I should just lie and fake like I have had some sexual experience.

What does everyone here think? Should I try and pretend, or be honest and let my condition be known and let her know about my lack of intimacy and the social skills challenges I face?

I don't think you can lie and fake your way through the first time*. There is a learning curve, and any friend who tells you can fake your way through the first time either doesn't remember his own first time, or is a lousy lover and doesn't know it. Tell the truth. She may not believe you until afterward, but tell her anyway.

And I would seriously recommend getting a Fleshlight and doing a little practice first, to learn control with a fairly realistic simulation. The real thing is not going to be anything like your hand. Not even a little bit. It's going to be a lot more intense and for her sake, your ability to control your own body's reactions is important. No girl likes a Minuteman. Like I said, there is a learning curve, the first time really shouldn't count anyway, but seriously get some practice in in the cage before you get behind the plate. She'll be glad you did.







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*actually, there is one way to fake your way through it, but I'm not going to tell you how to do that, because it's very painful and you could injure yourself permanently.

[quote="Willard"
And I would seriously recommend getting a Fleshlight and doing a little practice first, to learn control with a fairly realistic simulation. [/quote]

to expound on what Willard said I really hope the woman is a kind enough person that will understand, even if there is some minute-man stuff going on. I was a one-second woman when I was with a woman for the first time and I was forgiven.

I am in the same situation.
I think I have nearly enough confidence but won't know until I have a first time.

Also, I think someone said its a good idea to say you are inexperienced and
ask her to show you how to please her, or let her be on top. More comments
might amend this comment because I don't remember exactly at the moment.

I don't know, but I reckon you could pass it off as 'just being too excited'. I reckon you could school yourself enough to fake it. Being 40 and a virgin is a little unusual for our culture, I could see it being a big deal.

That said, if she loves you and accepts everything about you, you should probably just be open about it. I hope this is the case for you.

I was in the same situation you were in.

So many reasons. Lack of social skills. Lack of self esteem which every girl picks up on. Anxiety. Shyness.

But by far the most important reason is that i have always held to the principle that sex without love is utterly meaningless.
That in combination with my extremely, impossibly high standards meant that it took me decades to find the right one at last and at a moment I was already resigning myself to the likelihood that I never would.
I am one of the worlds last believers in true love but everyone I ever met before had agendas and heaps of baggage from the past or they were just plain incompatible with me.

And if this last reason is why it took you so long than you need not fear anything at all. Because if this person is the one you have been waiting for than she will completely understand. In that sense it may be a good litmus test for your relationship.

You can get in as much practice as you need for $50 a pop, if you know where to look for it. Also buy a book on how to do it in various positions.

I don't think its necessary to say-- unless you want to. I would certainly NOT encourage you to go find a prostitute and cheat in order to get practice The first time people have sex together is often times awkward. Its no big deal. Good luck

Depends. If this girl accepts you and you feel comfortable telling her stuff, tell her. If not, try your best to bluff it.

Don't lie - besides, she may well take it as a great honor. Which it is!

Being a virgin isn't a bad thing, not in my opinion. It stands to logic I can't be the only one with that opinion. (So maybe she thinks so too.)

The first time people have sex together is often times awkward. Its no big deal. Good luck

to the OP

I would probably lie if i were you. once you've "gone through with it" (forgive the crude terminology) you can always say something along the lines of "i didn't think you'd approve of me if i told you the truth!"

i know that my opinion is probably not going to get a lot of approval. i know lying is immoral but some people on this thread have suggested worse: a prostitute? what?: get a potential STI, then transmit it to the partner of interest??? that's not very respectful is it!

NO: there are big lies and there are white lies. there's a big difference

to the OP again.

just to add to my previous point. i wouldn't lie to the point of saying "i had sex with 50 people so far". obviously this would be completely disrespectful to womankind and the person in question will also assume you're teaming with diseases.

on the other hand, i wouldn't think it would be out of order to say "1 or 2 past sexual relations".

I lost the V-card at age 38. I tried to fake it. I was worried only about the minuteman problem. But when we first went for it, defying all logic and reason, I couldn't get it up!
I was shocked. Finally an opportunity after 25 years of tortured waiting, and the key player didn't show. My girl was plenty hot, and I wasn't nervous, just psyched that it was finally happening. So ED made no sense. That was a huge blow. She got worried that it was her fault, she wasn't sexy enough, and I used all of my powers of persuasion to convince her that that wasn't the case. I told her it was my first time.
Fortunately she was understanding and then decided she was going to be the one to punch my card before I turned 40. We tried twice more (over the next few weeks) and with a little help from a half-tab of Viagra got 'er done. A couple sessions later I quit the Viagra and was fine on my own. I never did have the minuteman problem, and never had ED again. In fact she would always complain that I was taking too long. At first I laughed because I didn't think it was possible to take too long, from a woman's perspective. I thought that was a positive not a negative. But no, she was serious, and it even became a factor in us breaking up nine months later.
For advice I don't know what to say because I don't know if your woman will be as understanding as mine was. But trying to fake it, then fessing up when things didn't go well, worked out favorably for me.