Are you sometimes accused of not caring about anything?

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French_Lola
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04 May 2010, 9:13 am

I have this problem, nothing 'normal' seems to matter.
When someone tells me that they left their wife/husband, or someone died, or they got a new dog, or that their kids have great marks or are sick, whatever people say (family or colleagues), i never care and most of the time i have no reaction at all. I actually have to think about it in order to manage to come up with some forced reaction or people will get upset. Most of the time i'll just be in my own world and it would appear i'm in a coma or something :lol: As a result people think i'm sad, heartless, non-caring, which is not the case.
It's not depression, i'm actually happy, but not their kind of happy, and if i were to talk to them i would bore them with ecology, GMOs, animal rights, or rodents, and then they would be the ones who don't care at all...
On the other hand if i find a glass where it's not supposed to be i'll go mad. Things all have allocated space, now that matters! But people don't understand that.



b9
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04 May 2010, 9:56 am

French_Lola wrote:
I have this problem, nothing 'normal' seems to matter.
When someone tells me that they left their wife/husband, or someone died, or they got a new dog, or that their kids have great marks or are sick, whatever people say (family or colleagues), i never care and most of the time i have no reaction at all.

i am the same way.
it does not matter to me what happens outside the bubble of my existence, as long as it does not hinder me.
i was disappointed when the 9-11 thing happened because they removed the world trade centers from the scenery in the next version of flight simulator, and when i bought it, i was annoyed that new york looked boring without them.

my associate (who thinks he is my friend) is currently heart broken about some girl he is obsessed with. he got to know her and he fell in love with her and she did not like him, so she found another boyfriend.
whatever. he rang me tonight and he started ranting on about it, but i was cranky that he was using up my time. i told him that it was "life in the big smoke ", and he got angry with me so i hung up.

my girlfriend often has fights with her mother and she rings me to tell me, but i am always too busy with my own trivialities to be bothered to listen, and i have no concern about it..

i can not feel what she feels, so i am not inclined to think about it. if her mother was angry with me, then i would just tell her to get f*cked.
my girlfriend does not like that attitude and i can not understand why she stands in a hailstorm of disapproval.

another friend of mine had a mother who died, and all i could think was "well there you go".
i said "deary me", but then i became keen to curtail that phone call because i realized that if i was to stay on the phone, i would be required to pretend that i cared, and it is almost impossible to pretend i care because i am too lazy to be bothered.

i only care about what is in my world, and nobody's world intersects mine.

i am me "union" me.

French_Lola wrote:
I actually have to think about it in order to manage to come up with some forced reaction or people will get upset. Most of the time i'll just be in my own world and it would appear i'm in a coma or something :lol: As a result people think i'm sad, heartless, non-caring, which is not the case.


i do not care if people get upset about my "callousness" because they are on the other side of my closed doors, and i can not sense it when i slam my doors in their face.

French_Lola wrote:
It's not depression, i'm actually happy, but not their kind of happy, and if i were to talk to them i would bore them with ecology, GMOs, animal rights, or rodents, and then they would be the ones who don't care at all...

i am quite content and i am never depressed, and if someone wants me to talk to them i will say what i would otherwise say to myself if i wanted to talk to myself.
if they get bored or offended, then it does not bother me because they were the ones that asked for it.

French_Lola wrote:
On the other hand if i find a glass where it's not supposed to be i'll go mad. Things all have allocated space, now that matters! But people don't understand that.


i do not like people to interfere with my life's arrangement, and i will angrily eject them if they rearrange any part of my self composed existence.

i do identify with your post, but it is not an invitation for you to comment about what i said.



ToughDiamond
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04 May 2010, 10:29 am

I don't think anybody's accused me of not caring, but that's probably because I don't have much to do with people who have no problem criticising others. Often I know I'm not feeling the way I'm supposed to when somebody tells me about something good or bad that's happened to them......if I've been through something similar then I can often immediately relate to their experiences, but if not then I just feel bored, and it's only by thinking for a long time about whatever it is that can allow me to understand the gravity of the situation for them. And if it's to do with some field of endeavour that I don't like, I'll probably still be thinking "so what?"



French_Lola
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04 May 2010, 10:43 am

i also understand something when i've been through it myself. The rest will leave a "so what?" feeling too.



zeldapsychology
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04 May 2010, 10:48 am

All I care about is myself (or so I've been told) I also HATE cups being left around/trash in my room. If it's MY trash FINE but if you come over CLEAN UP YOUR MESS! The garbage can is in the kitchen USE IT! You leave and leave soda cans/plates around my room it's so IRRITATING!! !! ! I was also told on my NY vacation I only cared if it was something I was interested in. IMO excuse ME for not wanting to stay out to get a sh***y pizza at 1AM IN THE MORNING SHEESH!! !! Plus sister says the trip was mainly about going to places I wanted IMO UH NO! I clearly walked BY the M&M store! IT WAS HER who wanted to go in!! !! !! SHE wanted to go to FAO (I did to though) and I love the local Disney store so why not the super NY one! and we did a snow lift thing over the river instead of horses but THEY (sister/her friend) wanted to do that too!! SO IT WASN'T ABOUT JUST WHAT I WANTED TO DO SHEESH!! !! !! !! !! ! Sadly looking back I would of done the trip differently (HELL I would do alot of things differently in life looking back on it) :-)



wendigopsychosis
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04 May 2010, 10:49 am

I used to encounter this sort of problem a lot...
When I was 17 I started dating an NT guy who was very charismatic and open and taught me quite a bit about what's appropriate and what's not, so now I've learned how to deal with being told news like new dog, new relationship, death in the family etc, by imitating the reactions of the other people I'm with.
By now I've learned many canned responses to things so I can react appropriately even if there's no one else around to copy.
ex: when someone says they got a new puppy, usually people respond with "aww" when questions about the breed of dog as well as when/where the person got it, so that's how I respond. And if someone's grandma dies, people respond with "aww" in a lower pitch, and say things like "I'm so sorry."

I still can't get over my need to know how and why they died, so I figured out if I say, "aww... I'm so sorry. How did they die?" in a gentle, sympathetic voice, they usually tell me. :lol:


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Willard
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04 May 2010, 10:50 am

Yes, but I don't care. :roll:



dt18
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04 May 2010, 10:57 am

Ha. I've actually been told I care TOO MUCH.



French_Lola
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04 May 2010, 10:58 am

Willard, I 'care' because i deal with clients at work, clients with their pathetic lives, and small talks.
I need to be nice to them or i'll get kicked out. Not that i'd care about losing a stupid job, it's the money i'll miss :lol:
Yesterday I was far in my own world and later a customer complained because he said hello twice and i never answered. well i never heard him, didn't even know he was there, but he was making such a big deal out of it. People are so sensitive over things that don't matter, they always need their presence to be ackownledged :?



CockneyRebel
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04 May 2010, 11:05 am

I've been told, that I care too much and I take things to heart.


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04 May 2010, 12:12 pm

I care, but have trouble showing it.


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persian85033
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04 May 2010, 1:14 pm

Yes, I get accused of this a lot.


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04 May 2010, 2:48 pm

Mudboy wrote:
I care, but have trouble showing it.


That's me- I am quite stoic at times, but I am sensitive to others and I really do care about them. I want to comfort them if they have a problem. I just hate the stupid pointless dramas. I have no tolerance for people's romantic troubles, either. My advice is almost always the same: "dump him/her" . I care if someone is feeling down and hopeless, though. I know what it is like, so that may be why I am more sensitive to it.



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04 May 2010, 3:15 pm

All the time and often times they are right, I really don't care.


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Arminius
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04 May 2010, 3:51 pm

I am like Pumibel. I can be stoic and inscrutable, but the people I care about know I would do anything for them. It never shows on my face, but injustice of any kind perpetrated on anyone makes me sick. On the other hand, I lack empathy for other people's daily problems unless I have personally experienced them. As the daughter of two people who have worked as proffessional performers, things like acting were taught to me from birth and are written in my DNA. (My mother was trained as a musician, and my father is a fundraiser who gets alumni to donate money to whatever college or university hires him.) I may not be able to feel it, but I can fake it. It bothers me. It feels dishonest, and, as a Christian, I know I should not be deceptive. However, hardly anyone with whom I interact on a day-to-day basis would like the truth, that their small talk bores and exhausts me and their drama disgusts me. I spent most of middle and high school at a poor, minority-majority school. I loved it there, but things changed, and Dad got a new job that gave me the opportunity to escape a deteriorating situation. The catch was that I had to move to a new town and spend my senior year at a rich, white high school. Would it really be the Christian thing to let my new classmates know how much I loath most of them? Should they know how I look at them and see greedy ingrates whenever they complain about not having the latest gadget or expensive fasion statement even though they have more than many of my friends ever have? The lie, the character, the facade, are probably more humane than the truth. After all, preps are people, too. The same is probably true when an aquaintence tells me his or her dog, whom I have never met, died and I cannot muster an emotional response. I may not be empathetic, but I want to be a good person. I try to avoid causing suffering in others by keeping up the farce.



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04 May 2010, 4:42 pm

I'm forever being accused of only caring about myself. It's just not in my nature to think about other people I guess, I have to make a concious effort to do so. I guess that's why emotional blackmail dosen't work on me too - if someone is trying to use it against me, I obviously won't put that concious effort in.

Whatever, though. I'm happy as I am, and you have to be selfish to get rich anyway.