Noah, this might be a long answer, so please feel free to only read the parts that you want to! Sometimes I use waaay too many words when I'm trying to explain what I mean...
Meltdowns are a tough one. When I was younger, I didn't really have a good way to deal with them, and I often didn't even know why I was feeling and acting the way I was. It took a long time to figure out some of the things that made me have meltdowns - but now that I know some of them, I can try to avoid letting them happen.
Here are some of the things that make me want to have meltdowns. Maybe you have some of the same ones, and knowing about them might help you to avoid them, too!
- Being around people that are overwhelming for too long. This might mean people who act differently from me (like people who like to be loud or tease me), or too many people (I don't know about you, but I get nervous when there are a lot of people close to me, because I don't like to be touched very much, and I also always like to have space to move around and breathe). Sometimes I'm not even sure why I don't like being around people, but if I start to feel nervous or shaky or hyperactive, I know I need to get away and be alone for a while, doing something quiet that I enjoy (like reading after I've calmed down a little).
- Being in environments that are overwhelming. This doesn't have to include people - sometimes, I'm just in places that are too loud or too "active" (with flashing lights and a lot of different things going on at once), or sometimes something about the place that I'm in makes me nervous. This is another one where I know I just have to keep an eye on how I'm feeling, and if I start to get jumpy, I know I need to get away. You might have to ask a parent to take you somewhere quiet or get permission for you to go to a quieter place (if it's a public place where you aren't allowed to just go anywhere you want), but that's a lot better than having those out-of-control meltdown feelings!
- When things aren't going the way I thought they would, and either (1) I don't feel comfortable about the way they ARE going, or (2) I don't understand WHY they aren't going "my way." This is the hardest one for me to deal with. Sometimes it's just so hard to stop arguing and trying to make things go the way I want!
I've learned that a lot of times (especially if there are adults around), I can try to explain that I'm uncomfortable and don't understand, and ask someone to help me understand what's going on. If we talk through it a few times, I often understand better, and I also start to get used to the "new ideas," which makes it much easier to stay calm.
If there isn't anyone around to help me, then I've learned that sometimes, trying to "fix" things isn't the best way. Now, I just walk away when I start to get angry or frustrated or sad or scared. I might need to "take a break" and think about something else that makes me happy for a while, or do something to calm myself down - but usually, after I've done that, I try to think very hard about what's going on to make me feel so angry or scared. If I start to get that way again, I know I have to back off again and calm down some more, but eventually - just like when I get someone to help me talk through it - I can often start to get used to what's going on.
Hopefully the idea of taking yourself away from the things that are making you feel "not right" will help. But in the end... you might not be able to avoid every meltdown. And that's okay. No one likes to feel out-of-control, and that's exactly how meltdowns make me feel (and maybe you, too)... but it's just the way we're wired. Fortunately, after a meltdown, we can start to feel better, maybe talk through what happened with a parent or someone you trust... and maybe, as you start to get more familiar with how your meltdowns happen and how you can stay away from them... maybe it won't happen that way the next time!
Good luck!
06 May 2010, 9:42 am
