Emotional Age Delay

Post Reply New Topic

Does everyone with autism have an emotional age delay? I was just doing some reading, and a lot of sources said that. Just reflecting on my life, I used to have a child-like mind until I was like 16-17. These days, I find I think very adult-like thoughts. I think about my future a lot. I think about possibly getting married and having kids down the road, having a good paying job, those kinds of things. Anybody care to shed light on this?

Emotional delay is definitely a common factor in autism, and maybe even a required one. I socialize pretty well with people who are considerably older than me, especially along a professional basis or when there is some other clear functional relationship. I'm 26, and most people assume that I am closer to 21, so I get treated as someone on the cusp of adulthood. That's pretty fair, since it's where I am.

Most of my friends and acquaintances are a good bit younger than me. My last girlfriend was 5.2 years my junior, and I regularly hang out with people as young as 18. I get along quite well with that crowd, and people are usually surprised when I tell them my age. I am skinny as all hell still (actually, I've lost weight over the past few years), look quite young, and dress according to subcultural norms when not at work, so I look the part as well.

At the same time, I have a college degree and a somewhat professional job in education. At this point, I socialize more with the autistic students than with other staff.

I was very emotionally "stunted" for most of my life. I've always had strong feelings, but they were usually difficult to understand, like they were constantly out of focus. Then in my late 20's they suddenly started falling into place, and I went through a profound change. People have always considered me serious and mentally matured for my age, but emotionally I've been quite primitive. Until a few years ago my mental self-image was that of a boy. So, I guess it fits for me too.

What I've noticed is that the more I've grown emotionally, the less I've needed to socialize. When I was a kid I felt a strong need to belong to something, and to have people to exchange ideas with. That compelled me to try to socialize, though never with great success. These days I am very socially reclusive, yet I communicate actively online, and that satisfies most of my needs. So basically, I feel I understand my emotional needs a lot better these days, and am better able to satisfy them.

It's hard to know because I only have my own experience, but my doctors tell me that I'm emotionally still a preteen. I feel the whole range of emotions, I just can't label them and don' tknow what to do with them, so they come out in funny ways.

I used to feel I fit in with my outcast high school friends but slowly I began to feel they were all on a higher emotional age than me. I felt stunted in this group of people who were by no means popular. I think that's when I first realized I wasn't the same as them, or most people my age. But that emotional delay doesn't mean you play with teletubbies and don't think of entering the workforce or whatever. It means there is a difficulty in processing emotions, which is why aspies are often seen as overly serious but at the same time don't know what to do with the emotions they have.

What you are experiencing is common with AS - our intellectual functions tend to run ahead of our peer group, while other brain functions, such as the Executive (dealing with creating, orchestrating and carrying out complex plans), and those connected with Empathy and Theory of Mind (noticing and instinctively knowing how to respond to the emotional needs of others) stop developing around adolescence, leaving us stunted and awkward in social and interpersonal relationships.

That's not to say of course, that there's anything you can never do, only areas in which you are more likely than the neurotypical to run into hurdles.

Thinking about marriage, family and career show an intellectual maturity. You may find over the long haul that you need some guidance and counseling to put together a long term career and financial plan for supporting said family and building a stable base for retirement.

I thought most AS people had average IQ and intellectual abilities? Just because we hyper-focus and as a result become often become experts in a narrow field, does not make us naturally more 'intellectual'. It's easy to be smart when you don't have distractions like friends and social pressures. Whilst it would be nice to think that nature gave us higher 'intellectual functions' to compensate for our limited social skills, I haven't seen much evidence that we are actually any smarter.

Also, I think saying that empathy and theory of mind stop growing at adolescence is a fallacy. You never stop learning, NT or AS, and these skills can be naturally picked up over time. I'm not saying it won't be slow for many of us, sometimes even a snail's pace, but it definitely doesn't just stop.

I agree with the OP. When I was diagnosed, the psychologists explained AS as like being '4 or 5 years younger emotionally than your real age'. It doesn't mean you're doomed to always being emotionally immature, unless you completely give up and don't expose yourself to life.



I agree with this. We may need some help sometimes in catching up.

Hmmm, interesting question. I also imagine we're average, it's just our focus is skewed so we're better at "technical" things, while stunted in other areas. Then again, what is intelligence really, and can you assign a number to it, just like that? I've been called both frightfully smart, yet incredibly dense ... often be the same people

No, I was the opposite.

Yes. When I was a small child, I was actually appeared more emotionally mature than my peers, but I as I got grew, my emotional expression just got stuck there and some even seemed to regress. As others have said, emotional immaturity is common in autistics.

When angry, I shout and throw things. When sad, I ball up in the corner and sob like a baby. When frustrated, I kick the wall the slap my head. When excited, I jump up and down and talk a mile a minute. I know for me it is because intellectually, I always seem to know how to behave, but when I am struck with genuine emotion and my logic fails me I'm lost and I default immediately to acting out.

I do have a BIT of control over emotions, say, at my job, in which I try to express emotion by NT-imitation, much in the same way that I fake being an NT during the rest of my workday, but this also usually results in my feeling panicky and disoriented afterward. However, if I am overcome with emotion around family and friends, I am a four year-old.

I have almost no control at all

i still play with my toys and sometimes
with my little frends across the street

i don't want a girlfrend i don't gwant to
getmarried i don't want any of that
growedup trash, i tride it and it dont
work its all bullstool.

the only possibly growedup things i
do is edit video for pocket money
and maybe do some voice recording
for voicemail systems

other than that i am no different than
a 7 yr old boy.

As others have said, it's very common, even expected, that people with AS have a younger emotional age than their physical one. As my mom has told me, some of us will grow enough that our ages correspond, and others may grow to a certain point and then stop. It all depends on the individual.

As for me, I'm physically 19, but I've been told that my level of maturity and interests are closer to that of a 14 or 15 year old. At least it's a step up from how I was during my actual teenage years, when I was emotionally around 10.

I always got along better with older people. I've always been told I don't mature as fast as regualr people and it never really bothered me. I think it's just a blessing in diguise.

I feel as though I have the emotional maturity of 9 year old kid. When I'm sad, or I feel that I've done something bad, I sit in a quiet room, and cry my sweet, sad puppy eyes out.

I don't have a very good grasp on what maturity is exactly. Different people seem to have very different ideas about what exactly it is that maturity entails. Someone might be thought of as immature for any given number of reasons. I think I'd prefer to be around people who are immature if being mature just means being exactly like everyone else and/or having a stick up your ass. I like people who are fun. Kids and young people are usually more fun than older people.

I know I am stunted emotionally and far ahead intellectually. My kids are all grown up. When they were teenagers they knew that they were more emotionally mature than me. Sometimes I was an embarrassment, and other times I was just who they needed to be with. It definitely gave me a unique parenting style.