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adam
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08 Apr 2006, 4:56 pm

I'm 30 years old and have been married for 6 years with a fantastic 3 year old boy. I have recently been diagnosed with AS, but have suspected it for the last couple of years. My wife read a book with a boy with AS in it which started her thinking I had it. I didn't dismiss it at first but found it hard to accept I did these things. After reading about it slowly I started noticing the things I did and have done. My marriage is in bits and we spent 6 months in seperate bedrooms, I found out she had been seeing some one else and I just fell apart. She seemed very sorry for hurting me when I discovered it and we descided to give it another go. I have been really trying to communicate better and show my emotions more. I can see it going back to how it was before. I am having problems trusting her now and get mad when she goes out.

I would appreciate any tips of showing love and how to support my wife.

And how to forgive her



Bettyboo
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08 Apr 2006, 5:52 pm

Have you thought about going to marriage counseling?



Aspie1
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08 Apr 2006, 6:14 pm

Your wife cheated on you. That gives you every right in the world to file for divorce. If a woman cheats on a man, it means the attraction is gone, and no amount of marriage counseling will bring it back. Attraction is an emotion, you can't make yourself feel what you don't feel; kind of like you can't make yourself like broccoli if you hate the way it tastes. Also, I believe in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" concept, which means not letting her sweet-talk you into taking her back. So go ahead and file that divorce; you deserve a woman who respects you enough not to cheat on you. Obviously, remain on civil terms, so your son won't have to see his parents fighting. And whatever you do, don't put your son in the middle of the conflict.

Sorry to be so blunt; it's just that someone had to say it.



moomin
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08 Apr 2006, 6:38 pm

i've sent you a pm :)



TigerFire
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08 Apr 2006, 8:14 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Your wife cheated on you. That gives you every right in the world to file for divorce. If a woman cheats on a man, it means the attraction is gone, and no amount of marriage counseling will bring it back. Attraction is an emotion, you can't make yourself feel what you don't feel; kind of like you can't make yourself like broccoli if you hate the way it tastes. Also, I believe in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" concept, which means not letting her sweet-talk you into taking her back. So go ahead and file that divorce; you deserve a woman who respects you enough not to cheat on you. Obviously, remain on civil terms, so your son won't have to see his parents fighting. And whatever you do, don't put your son in the middle of the conflict.

Sorry to be so blunt; it's just that someone had to say it.


Yes but you actually didn't have to say a word of it. If he wants to forgive his wife let him. It's better for him to forgive her then to have a lasting vengence of hate against her. Marriage counseling can help. I've watched many shows and it seems to work. Forgiveness is better than hate I always say.


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nitraine
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08 Apr 2006, 8:32 pm

From nitraine's sister-in-law:

Hey, well to get a divorce or not is all your decision. The fact that she cheated gives you all the right to divorce her (thats biblical) but it doesn't mean you cant work it out. I am currently going thru an amazing series on how to show respect and love in your marriage. we currently don't have problems but want to learn how to have an effective happy marriage, and I think its what most of us needs. Anyways, the pain is going to get easier as time goes on but you have to actively work at forgiveness. I really hope that everything works out if thats what you want. Good Luck!! !



adam
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09 Apr 2006, 3:45 am

Thanks for the advise

Still very confused

How do I open private messages?



ster
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12 Apr 2006, 8:50 pm

Quote:
How do I open private messages?


you should be able to open them by scrolling to the top of the screen and clicking on your profile. then you click on the messages icon at the top of your profile. you should then be able to double click on your pm's.

back to the marriage issue: counseling can help things seem clearer. it will help you become a stronger person, and more able to make a rational decision about what to do~with everything, actually.....i've been married to my aspie for 15 years~there have been ups and downs, but we have both worked hard to keep the marriage alive. i think the key to a successful marriage, really, is that both people are willing to make things work~one person doing all the work simply doesn't, well, work.