Anyone NOT know how to console a person?

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Like at a time of loss or if there has been an accident? My friends friend kept posting pics./info. from these people that died in a boating accident. Out of niceness on FB chat I said sorry for your loss (she then put a frowny face and disconnected)! (Don't know her that well so I should care but still) I feel I SUCK at consoling someone at a sad time. When my sister fell and was hurt I stood off to the side with my arms crossed thinking the worse (She could be paralyzed for life). I finally went in to see her and she was fine. Also since I tend to laugh when someone gets hurt I stood behind a curtain at times while my sis was having labor pains. I just don't know how to show emotion in these supposed to be! upsetting times. (Not sure your belief system) but my aunt died in a wreck we imagine what if she had died painfully of cancer or something (she died peacefully) or something like that. Or perhaps instead of her dieing (like Final destination) It would have been someone else in the family. (Awesome film the first was anyway IMO)

I think I can console someone well, but it's usually just scripted and not heartfelt.

I cannot do this at all. I know what I SHOULD do but it feels very unnatural for me. Sometimes people make comments about it like "Thanks for just standing there..."

It happened just the other week actually. My roommate was crying cuz she felt homesick all of a sudden. My reply was "Oh., do you want a tissue?"

Your post on facebook seems appropriate to me. "Sorry for your loss" is pretty much the common conventional phrase.

I haven't had an extreme situation before where I needed to console someone.

No =/

I dont have the natural skill of consoling or comforting. I might even get cheerful when I hear something bad happened to a friend (antisocial personality disorder), and it usually shows itself with a hysterical smirking on my face. So in those cases I have to pretend as sad while Im actually excited and cheerful.

I also have no idea about consoling someone. I know what I'm supposed to say, but it feels so strange I rather go away saying nothing. If the other person is a very close friend, I might try, but if he/she is just someone I don't really know, I have no interest in consoling them.

I don't know how.

No, I don't have the faintest idea even where to start. The CSI's have the best method, just say "sorry for your loss" and leave it at that.

Vanilla_Slice

The only thing I can do is try to reason with them or downplay it. Like, "oh, you didn't get the job? Well that's OK, who wants to be a corporate slave anyway?". In cases where that's not possible or appropriate or doesn't work, like if someone's really sick or died or if someone's just having an irrational meltdown, then I'm completely useless.

I'm terrible at expressing condolences to anyone, especially when there's a death in their family, etc. I feel sad for them, but at the same time, I never know the right thing to say. I'm NOT a hugger or touchy-feely person, so even patting someone on the back is hard for me to do. I've learned over the years to say things like "I'm sorry for your loss," and "Let me know if there's any way I can help," and so on, but even then, my flat tone of voice makes it come off as insincere. I have the same problem when someone expresses condolence to ME, as well. I never know what to say in return - just "Uh, thanks" or something like that. Online it's easier, but in person, it's very difficult.


E333

I am really crap at it. A friend of mine came round the other week upset about falling out with their other half. All I did was sit and listen and then say a load of rational stuff about humans not being monogomous! That we are more like chimpanzees. I think he left feeling worse than when he arrived. I have not heard from him since.

I don't have any idea how to react to someone who's upset. I just don't know what to do or say and I feel awkward because I think I should know these things. The best I can come up with is some logical/rational statements about the situation, or else tell them about a similar experience in my own life and how I dealt with it. But I don't think either is particularly helpful when they're at the initial shock of upset, so if I can I try to just be quiet and wait for them to say something. Doesn't always work though because when I'm feeling awkward I tend to keep talking without thinking.

When my late wife Tammy fell down or got hurt
I cood do my HippoButtDance and she wood start
laffing and I cood put bandages on her kneeze
or whereever she got hurted and make pooping
sounds when they stuck on and she'd laff at that.

I can do the same for my little frends and they
laff at that, even if they falled down and got
hurted erlier they go from sad to laffing, but
that is all I can do, if they are 'more to it'
or hard I acan't do it and I then walk away
and fade into the darkness.