My stepfather is getting crazy!

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Something really traumatizing happened to me yesterday while I was feeding our goats(We have a farm where we raise up goats,though that's not the point of this post).Anyway,so I was in the barn giving them food,alone(my little bro should have been with me but he was in a rush to go to football so I add to make his job instead).My stepfather comes in.He says that "I'm taking way too much time".He also blame me that I did an incompetent job(Wich is partially true ).He then says rudly "Is it your first day on the job or what?" to wich I reply yes,just to play his game of sarcasm.After that all happened very fast,my stepfather rushed to my,grabbed me and pushed me on the wall(he's in the army,so he's pretty strong).My stepfather asks me to "quit that f****** of mine" and that he is so going to beat me.Scared,I reply that its illegal for someone older than 18 year old to attack someone younger than 18 year old in the Canada legal system.He says that he "don't care",that "no one is going to know" and if I denounced him "is word worth more than mine".He then release me,yelling that I don't got the computer or the Xbox,that I'm a f****** incompetent that don't ever care about what he's doing.Crying of fear,I run inside and tell it to my mom about my stepfather.She goes talk to him(I was hiding in my chamber,so I didn't know what they said).When she gets back inside,my mom tells me that she doesn't excuse my stepfather behaving but she says that I also have an atitude problem.This morning,when I was taking my shower,I confronted my mom about what happened yesterday and how her intervention wasn't enough,that my stepfather was dangerous and that I wanted to pass the rest of the weekend at my dad place by fear of my safety.She said "How can you know that I didn't confronted him and talked to him already?".She replied that we were going to have a discussion between me,my mom and my stepfather...

So what should I do?Is that enough to fill a complaint at the police?My stepfather have a pretty violent behaviour,and a few years ago he destroyed my chamber and broken some of my personal stuff for ridiculous reasons.Should I go to my dad place?I'd like to,but my stepfather comes home every weekend and I badly see me going to my daddy place for every weekend until I'm an adult.

Also,my stepfather knows that I'm an Aspie,but he probably don't know that autistic folks have meltdowns.Each time there's a chire to do,he want me to do it.I don't want to do chores,so I argue with him,and he pushes me up emotionnaly until I get a meltdow.He says thats it funny to work with because I always "humiliate myself and I act ridiculously".Again,what should I do for this second issue?Talk with my mom?She's likely to take my stepfather point and back him up like she always do...Could I fill another complaint against him for discrimination?Does Canada have laws like this that protect autistic people?I need your help badly guys...

What you are describing could be more appropriately dealt with by Child Protective Services. Honestly, though, unless you want to live with someone other than your parents, I would go spend weekends with your Dad.

Also, try to talk to a counselor at school.

If the police get involved, you could get taken from your home, and you probably don't want that.

His behaviour is unacceptable. Call child protective services. If they dont have them in Canada call the police. Go live with your dad too. Do not tolerate this.

sErgEantaEgis, I'm taking Canadian Law in high school, and I can tell that what you're stepfather has done is completely illegal. According to the Criminal Code of Canada, he's committed several crimes against you including; uttering threats, such as when he threatened to beat you up, level one assault, in which, though he didn't cause any serious injury, he did shove you against a wall in a way that made it seem reasonable for you to assume that you would be harmed. You also mentioned that he destroyed some of your personal items. That's illegal too, even if he was the one to buy them in the first place. These are all forms of emotional abuse. His threat about nobody believing you, or taking his word over yours is not true. Children's Aid was created to protect children in bad situations like this. His behaviour is irrational. No amount of sarcasm, or a bad attitude, justifies using threats to make you obey.

You also mentioned that he's in the army. I can sympathize with this somewhat. Soldiers often end up being traumatized by the stresses of war, and may lash out at others. This does not excuse his behaviour, though. If you feel threatened, but don't want your stepfather to end up in jail, you could suggest that he see a psychiatrist to help him deal with his own stress. He could attend anger management therapy or go to a support group for people who suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.

If he won't do these things, and, unfortunately, this is highly probable as emotionally abusive people rarely realize that it's them who have the problem and not everyone else, I'd recommend staying with your father. There's no shame in trying to escape an abusive situation. Many men and women who live with domestic violence don't seek help from parents or other relatives because they're ashamed by their lack of independence. It's better to live in an environment where you feel secure than in a place where you fear you could be threatened or attacked by an adult who is legally supposed to keep you safe.

Being autistic makes you even more susceptible to the emotional issues that abused people can develop as we can become stressed out much more easily. Getting out and getting help is the best thing to do. To make yourself seem more believable and ensure that you're not just seen as a spoild brat, (it's sad, but it's happened), try keeping a document of anytime you feel you've been threatened or assaulted. Even if you just feel uncomfortable for reasons you can't understand, it may be a sign of subtle emotional manipulation.

That's all I can tell you right now. I hope everything works out for you.

Gweezle

last time someone did that to me was last time..i told my attacker (35 year old male been in prison once) that he has better stay away from me or ill stab him to death surprisingly havent seem him since...curently im living in my own apartment with stock of japanese trowing knives next idiot gets one of them against him im f*****g tired of idiots like these here is my plant 1. get some material art training with katana or what ever...tell him that u are going off for week-end and next time u come hes better gotten away or HE WILL GET AWAY seriously if i would live in america i would deal with him just for sake of it

Those kinds of situations are very difficult to deal with. I see some normal stuff going on and I'd like to address that first. Then I see some very NOT normal stuff going on and would like to offer some advice. Please stick with me through the normal stuff even if it sounds like I'm OK with the not normal stuff, because I'll get to that.

If you take out the physical violence I'd say there are some things you might be doing to make your situation worse that you might be able to work on. You may be coming off as more rude or cheeky than you intend, and the humorous side of what you're trying to do is getting lost. As a general rule those are good skills to work on if you want to get along with any kind of people. You might want to talk to someone about that or get some help there, just for your own sake in the future. That's just basic advice for your own sake in general, not because I think you did anything really awful. It sounds like you were a little out of line in the way teenagers get, and could maybe work on that a little.

(Still on the normal stuff) You may be frustrating him in other ways that you're not sharing, which is pretty normal for maturing kids in houses. This whole conflict sounds awfully normal in so many ways...until you get to the violence. Your step dad expresses some frustration that is probably somewhat (still on the normal bits, not the violence) deserved. When there is a busy farm to run and someone isn't able to work up to reasonable standards it affects everyone and that can be stressful. I can understand him yelling a little. It's counterproductive especially if you just can't help that you are slower and have a hard time with these chores, but I can see how he might step over the line slightly here. You might be able to find ways to help people understand what it's like with you and avoid that kind of conflict. My eldest is going through a lot of this so I'm thinking a lot about this right now and trying to help him.

OK, now the serious stuff. Touching you in a violent way is never acceptable, unless you are being physically aggressive and he needs to defend himself. That seems extremely unlikely, so I think this is his issue, not yours. Even if you are 100% in the right, that is not the same as being able to prove it. If he is active duty and gets in trouble for domestic violence in the US Military it will go on his permanent record and can cause him a lot of trouble. He can face military prosocution, he can loose promotions if he's an officer, he can be penalized in other ways if he's enlisted. If you are going to go that route you have to be dead certain it is the right thing, or you could end up in more trouble with him, and you're going to have to get it right the first time. People who are physically abusive and have military training often know how to hurt you without leaving evidence. If he gets away with it once things can escalate and if you've been discredited you can end up up a creek without a paddle.

If you tell your teachers at school, and you're in the USA, they are obligated to report it to child protective services...unless your district doesn't play by the rules. You can seek an order of protection against him that will make any physical actions he takes against you a more serious crime and automatic jail time. Child Protective Services will only do this when there is extremely clear physical evidence of this kind of abuse. A few bruises that can be explained by normal accidents around the farm won't cut it. Witnesses help.

If you are close enough to moving out on your own, you might want to consider that route, and seeking an order of protection if he continues to bother you.

I wish I had a really great solution for you.

You do not deserve to be hit even if you are a really obnoxios teenager pushing people's buttons. Loosing computer time, Xbox time, etc sounds reasonable. Being hit is never OK.

If you're in Canada the laws are even tighter. Check with your teachers or school guidance councelor. Spanking is legal here, but not there, for instance.

You should call child services, right away.

oh dude you know what? anytime anyone sais to you, "is this your first day on the job or what" that immeadiatley makes them a gigantic dumbass. my stepdad is also one of these

OP: This report has me concerned.

I'll be blunt, i am concerned for your physical safety, the behaviour you describe from your stepfather is typical of bullying and individuals with anger management issues, my own step father to a T, I got a loan three days after my 18th birthday and left, even choosing to be homeless for a time instead of exposing myself to my step-father.

I advise you too follow most of the advice here, my mother normally quick to defend her children did -nothing- but try and talk to my step father when i told her about his behaviour, i think got the same spiel as you "yes he was wrong, but.." There is no but, there is only personal responsibility, the unfortunate problem with both your stepfather and my own's behaviour was that the more they get away with, the worse it gets (called escalation).

Please consider your own safety and well being, go stay with your dad, tell an adult outside your family as soon as possible, one that actually knows you. and do keep in touch here.

Yeah, your stepdad is being abusive. He sounds a lot like mine, actually.

In your case, child protective services would not generally put you in a foster home; they'd be more likely to put you with relatives until they investigated, then mandate that your stepfather attend anger-management and/or parenting classes. They don't tend to break up the family unless you are in immediate danger of dying (i.e., have come into the emergency room with broken bones, third-degree burns, internal injuries, concussion, etc., which you haven't yet.)

I had an attitude problem as a teen, too. That didn't excuse my stepfather from hitting me, and yours doesn't excuse your stepfather either, especially since it looks like you weren't fighting back. (Don't fight back; I tried it and it just infuriated him and got me hurt worse, because he outweighed me about three times over and I'm dyspraxic.) A while ago, my counselor mentioned that I might've deliberately provoked him at times, so that I'd be able to control when and where he exploded at me rather than waiting for it to happen randomly, as a sort of self-protective measure and a way of keeping myself from being absolutely powerless. Maybe that's what you're doing.

In any event, I think you should make sure your stepfather doesn't get ahold of your computer records. He'll be spying on you, if he's anything like mine was; so erase your link to WP, clear your internet cache, and make a habit of doing so every time you get off the Internet. You can't afford to have him discover you're considering going to the police. If you keep a diary, hide it someplace where he'll never look. Mentally let go of the things you treasure; remember they are only things. Abusers often target them.

Your first step, anyhow, is probably to talk to child protective services. Find a pay phone, if you have to; don't do it from home if anyone else is home or will be home anytime in the next hour, and dial another number afterward in case your parents *69 the call. There will be hotline numbers in the phone book. If you are still at school, a teacher or school counselor works too (they are mandated reporters--that is, they have to report it if a teenager is getting beaten up by their stepfather).

i think Children should respect there elders
no matter how old they are
and i don't feel bad for children being abused
cant help don't care
if a child disrespects an adult its wrong to
that is just an opinion on my part
maybe not everyones

i don't care about children
will not care if they get hurt or abused
because i was abused as a child myself
i don't give a toss about the child being abused if he is rude
he deserves to be spanked
it not always abusive to punish a child if they behave bad
at home
its always good to teach children to respect there elders

Sorry, hit submit too soon....


He sounds very dangerous to me. Please be careful.

Even if he never touches you again, it's a very damaging situation for you to live that way -- fear & uncertainty, verbal threats. You're fortunate to be in Canada ... I didn't realize it was already illegal for parents to hit their children there. It's mind-boggling to me that where I live, a parent can hit their child without repercussions as long as they do it a certain way.

Do make sure to clear your computer history, log out of everything etc. -- leave no tracks.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.