Social Awkwardness Online

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Now, I'm not saying that people would have problems with social interaction online equal to their problems with face to face social interaction. But, I have a question. Does anyone think it's possible for someone to have problems in their online social interaction similar to those ordinary social difficulties? Particularly in "instant messaging". Perhaps someone might have difficulty with small talk. Maybe they might be stuck for words to say next. Does anyone here have any problems online?

I remember when I first used instant messaging. I was absolutely terrified and hadn't a clue what to do. I was only speaking to my brother, as well! Not totally on topic, but it's just some added info.

So, what do you think?

I have trouble with online chatting and instant messaging. I tend to be really quiet and people comment on it. I just don't know what to say/can't make small talk, which is a lot like my problems with offline chatting as well.

Messageboards where there are specific questions and topics to answer as well as limitless time to formulate my response is a lot easier.

No, actually. With the nonverbal dimension eliminated or greatly simplified, I have absolutely no difficulties. Sometimes (rarely) my style of communication doesn't mesh well with someone else's, as in the case where I speak (email, actually) too formally, or where someone else uses a confusing abbreviation, but it's easier to ask for clarification online. Because I understand friendship, and because there isn't much authority online on anyone's part, I understand almost every interaction except trolling.

Theoretically, however, if your problems were in understanding the nature of social interactions, or other people's emotions, then your social problems would persist even on the internet.

I have a close AS family member in his mid-thirties who has a lot of difficulty with lengthy online chats. He's extremely bright, but has problems processing information quickly and thus responding in the back-and-forth fashion of chatting, much like with face-to-face conversation. So...he prefers short, simple occasional chats. If a chatting session gets to be overwhelming, he'll just get up from the computer and do something else. Email, where he has all the time he needs to write what he wants to say, is fine.

I personally don't have trouble with online messaging at all, although I only "talk" when I feel like it.

I think that email exchanges, instant messaging, and forum interactions are a major source of misunderstandings and conflict, even for NTs. I have had terrible problems in all of those areas, leading to irreconcilable conflicts with people I knew online and in real life who I thought were friends.

I find conversations on IM even harder than face to face. The mechanics of it just doesn't work for me. For one I hate not being able to use spell check. You'd never know on a message board but I seriously can't spell a lot of words without using spell check every time. I know nobody else cares about spelling in chat but its something that bugs me anyways. I can't just do the text-speak thing, you know, "how r u doing? i think ur fun 2.". In fact I have trouble even reading that crap most of the time.

Last edited by marshall on 09 Jun 2010, 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, though IRL there is not an option to EDIT or consider appropriateness.

Everyone's Moods and Attitudes (including my own) appear to be the same either way, ........

I think Social Awkwardness Online is as real as life. Thing is, I associate with ten times the amount of people online as I do IRL. Therefore awkward moments can become overwhelming at times ten.

I agree, my instant message conversations are mostly not likely to go beyond "how are you? Fine. Me too."

Not sure. I love networking and have a big online following but I'm also an easy target for trolls in masse. I guess that's how it is for me in real life too. I'm not sure that online interaction and real life interaction are as different as people think. I have the same social problems online as I do offline.

I have this issue with instant messaging, to a certain extent. Because, you can't wait forever as you will loose the opportunity to speak to them because they get bored. And, once you've hit the enter key, the damage is done.

Well, instant messaging is pretty close to a real-life social situation, apart from the body language and tone of voice. I had a lousy time when I was in an online band and one of the founder members pushed me into taking part in a chat room he'd set up "to improve communications".....suddenly I had no time to think and to edit my words, so I just felt panicky and said very little - all I wanted to do was to escape! After the first session I refused to do any more and went back to the familiar way, i.e. a discussion board just like WP.

My diagnostician said it was very noticeable how much better I communicated when I wrote. SHe didn't think my talking style was particularly bad, but that in writing I was par excellence.

yes. i absolutely do. i don't IM but my text conversations are really awkward (and i don't know how to end them), and on facebook i have mistaken jokes for things to be taken literally. i try to limit those kinds of communication now because it embarrasses me.

i went through a phase of trying to interject lots of smilies and exclamation points into these things to look more "normal" but i couldn't keep it up (and probably wasn't fooling anyone anyhow) - gah

I'm someone who doesn't have a problem with non-verbals. I can't swear I never miss anything (how would I know), but I can read nonverbals and get a lot from them.

And because of that, messageboards and chatrooms can be a lot harder than real life. I don't have nonverbal clues to make up for what I'm missing in understanding the social situation. I have trouble sometimes understanding the unwritten social rules. Take away non-verbals, and it's worse.

I do better one on one, or where people are flexible, or in the sorts of situations that are pretty standard. And it's easy for me to pick up those unwritten social rules in an in person situation, where I'm watching people interact in real time, with non-verbals, versus in an online format. I do better in forums where there really aren't any of those unwritten social rules. Like this one.

I'm always second guessing myself when it comes to sending pm's, etc. Like one minute I'll be thinking that I'll just send a pm to someone I seem to get along with online just to say hi, but then I wonder if they would feel if I'm bothering them, or don't want to talk with me.

That's nearly always my gut reaction when I'm about to contact anybody in any way at all. I've had to train myself to weigh up if it's a reasonable risk, and usually it is, so I go ahead. Life is a lot more exciting and rewarding that way.

Any time that I can't consider, resconsider, edit, delete and repost my responses. PM and vent especially.