Weddings...how to you feel about them?

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I was videographer at a wedding today, and the whole time as I labored to capture these moments for the couple, in the back of my mind I felt intense sadness. Because, I was witnessing two people on the happiest day of their lives. They love each other, want each other, are attracted to each other. At the toast, they tell stories about how they met, and cute she thought he was, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's all so alien for me. If anyone has ever felt attracted to me, I didn't know it. While I've felt that way about many women, none have reciprocated, and so the idea of mutual love and attraction is unthinkable to me. I saw a lot of attractive women, some I can only assume were single, and I felt utterly emasculated. I was totally out of their league in every way. I feel that about a lot of women...that they could do better than me. With how screwed up I am in almost every way, who'd want to love me? All I have, I think, is my filmmaking, and MAYBE I'll be successful at it. Probably not. My prospects are dim, dim I think, and so I wonder who would take a risk on me when there are other guys who are better looking, make more money, have better personalities, and interests that aren't boring or so specialized (like my love of early color film processes) that few could care.

I watched this happy day for that couple, and felt completely outside of it. I'm 26, and I really, really don't think I'll ever be where they are, or know their joy.

What about the rest of you? How do you feel about marriage?

BR

The irritating thing about marriage is those people that think that getting married is a must do. Those people that think you have to get married or your relationship isn't special or "complete"
I have had people ask me "so when are you going to get married?". I am 25 and single.

I might not ever get married (this prospect doesn't worry me at all).

I've never attended a wedding and I know I'd rather not. When I was single it was rare if ever that I saw a couple and didn't get angry. As far as me marrying goes I've seen it fail all too much. My mom, my uncle, my girlfriends brother, my grandfather, etc. All bad marriages and I myself was cheated on by the person I thought I would marry.

The way I see it what's the point? It's harder to undo a marriage than it is to get into one.

I feel its silly to say "I want to be with this person for life" because thats not only looking around corners, but its doing it a hue amount.

I don't like the idea of marrige, and it seems to me like cuffs and chains which bind people together. And a lot of money wasted on the wedding, and a ridiculous hassle if they split.

I am comfortable to be with someone I love who openly loves me back and not have a ring on my finger. I'd never waste money on a wedding either. I hate social gatherings and not only do I find that sort of thing unenjoyable also rather stupid and a complete waste of money.

It's great, to hear a two-couple say like they mean it, " I want to be with you for the rest of my life."...Even though they might not, I've seen much of the opposite in my family and without the typical abuse. It's been a wonderful feeling, a feeling of envy like...could there possibly be a guy who is not just a guy but friend to me?" I never cried until I saw my aunt's wedding yet I'm still aware it can be fantasy and fairytale. But my uncle whow I'm very close to is such a sweet guy and so is she. He married her at 38, which gives me some hope even though I'm female. They are fun to be around, not like your typical teenage couple who get pissed at eachother for stupid reasons.

Anyhow there isn't too much I feel about weddings only the people I know and the couples involved. I've never really understood the tradition to "fall in love" and I don't think of it as magic or spiritual. I think it is two people who relate to much in common yet for some reason or another compliment each other. It sounds great but not something "I" could give into easily or recommend. I have no idea what's that's like and I say better to be alone than miserable. Why get engaged to someone whom will abuse or hurt too many times than none?

I think a weddings are kind of like a giant performance. Over 50% of people who get married get divorced & it seems like most people want a very expensive wedding because they want to show off to their friends. I haven't been to a wedding in a while & I'm glad. They make me depressed about being alone as well. I do want to get married because I want the relationship to last till one of us dies but it's waaay to easy for people to get divorced noways; I wished the vows would require the couple to try & work things out but they don't. I personally would like a private ceremony; the smaller the better.

well, one of my bigger life goals is to get married someday.


and so far my girlfriend is all for that.
so things are looking good

Honestly I think weddings are hokus. Of course I can't say that about my own wedding ha ha:?
I definitely wanted to get married, that was my idea, but the wedding part..well its just a big ceremony for other people IMO. I have nice memories of ours but mainly because of where it was and our 3yr old daughter was there as a brides maid.

Edit: The more I think about it the more I think it was just a big performance.

I've never met a guy I wanted to be around for more than a few hours, let alone a lifetime. But then, I got *&^%ed over huge growing up.

As for the weddings themselves? I can't stand wearing good clothes like that.

I would never live with a man or make love without the marriage commitment. If I want to be with a man, we need to commit. The only way you can say " I want to be with you all my life, no matter what" is marriage. Making love is marriage.

Aw! I love weddings. I just hate preparing for them.

I'm a pianist, so I get a little extra side-money from them. I teach piano lessons, play for church, and play in bands every chance I get. So playing weddings is the only chance I get now of actually having to practice classical music. My latest gig was for my cousin, who wanted EVERYTHING as simple as possible, music included. Her processional, for example, was the Brian Crane "Butterfly Waltz." In the spirit of simplicity, I played mostly New Age music (David Lanz, George Winston, Suzanne Ciani, others), some easy classical guitar tunes on my Tele, and my own New Age-ish arrangement of a Bach tune. It was, by far, the simplest and easiest wedding I've ever played.

As far as marriage working or not working goes, it really just depends on how good you are at holding out for the right person. I'm not sure that there really is "The One" out there for each and every person. But I do think there is a certain mental and spiritual attitude that works towards making an individual person compatible for marriage. In a way, that's like saying some of us are cut out for it and some of us are not. I think you have to be the sort of person who can wake up every day and say to yourself "TODAY I'm going to make my marriage work." You also need to be with someone that you can influence in such a way they have the same attitude towards the relationship, making up his or her mind that they WILL make the marriage work TODAY.

The best marriage partner you can have is someone who you can rightly call your best friend. Friends are likely to ALWAYS be friends and rarely put any kind of conditions on the relationship. Your mate should be even closer than a best friend: The kind of person who, if he/she leaves his/her dirty underwear on the floor, you don't mind stepping on it with your bare feet. There will always be disagreements, but for the most part good mates look after each other's well-being. And if things ever seem to get boring, take that extra step and make some babies. Having a common goal such as caring for children will keep the relationship tight.

The one thing you can't do is give up because you're bored. I think that's the reason why so many marriages fall apart. People "fall out of love." Well, that's just stupid. You're not "out of love," you're just bored! Marriage is an on-going project. Treat marriage like you would your job or your favorite hobby, and you ought to do OK.

I wouldn't mind getting married. But I think I have a different view on the matter than most. I don't want any fancy expensive ceremony. Come to think of it, if I've been dating some gal for long enough, I might just start calling her my wife.