Help - how to care for kids when sick

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I had a serious, serious allergy attack last Thurs. I am still recovering. I have been sick for so long (since the kids were born) My body is run down. I can't face being sick any longer. It takes physical effort for me not to pass out from time to time.

How can I find the energy to have the patience to deal with my kids?

At this point I am considering just sending them to work with my husband and spend the next week in bed. It's his las week at work.

Is it giving up if I'm just too sick to be Mom?
Is it worse to give up or is it worse to make myself sick in trying to care for them and risk doing psychological harm because when I am sick and miserable I have very little patience and I go into meltdown mode.

We have no family in the area.
We have no "friends" who I would rely upon to watch our kids.
We have had bad bad luck with baby sitters in the past.

To stay in bed or to risk being sicker and grumpier?

i am not sure that just rest would help with allergy especially if it can not be a long term solution.
in my experience, energy drain comes not from the lack of rest but from the repetition of tedious tasks and depression. when i get up early and exercise I have more energy. Sometimes I make myself go to the movies or out even if I am tired because just break from the routine helps energizing. My husband and I take shifts during weekend so we can spend time on ourselves doing whatever, it helps a lot.
For stay at home moms, it would be the best if you can set 2-3 hours for yourselves after dads come home. Dads get to know their children better on 1-1 time and you get some air to breathe.

I can't say how to best help you recover in this specific situation, but it is important to remember that our kids really do need us to be our better selves when dealing with them, and sometimes doing that means you have to invest time in taking care of yourself. It isn't a cop out or giving up; it is a wise decision and an important investment.

You wouldn't expect to keep driving a car after the gas ran out, would you? You know it would be unwise to ignore the "almost empty" warning, just to save a few minutes getting to your destination, right? Similar concepts apply.

Thanks for the help and listening to my angst. I realize that my health requires I spend a lot of "time outs" alone in my room. I've decided to make the best of it by spending the time reading books on psychology, child raising, and aspergers. Sometimes, I think, I just need to read my own posts and advice myself as I would another.

It sounds like you are really worn out. I don't think you are giving up if you try to get yourself rested and up to par to take care of your children. Is there any way a family member could come to you to try and help for a week or so? I know I have the tendency at times to not want to accept help, to do it all on my own. But sometimes we need a little help. I don't know if you are connected to a church, but sometimes they have ministries that can offer some help.

You mentioned that this is your husband's last week of work----are you moving? Or could he take some time off just so that you can give yourself the rest that you need?

Wish I had more advice, but I hope you feel better soon.

I can relate!
We have no family here and no reliable friends to help....When I'm sick it's just me to look after the kids and its hard. You feel like you cant get on top of things and become sick easily again soon after you've recovered. The cycle goes on!

I have to set my mind to positive and believe that I'll get through the day till hubby gets in the door.. I take it bit by bit, hour by hour knowing at some point the day will end!! I take required meds to get me through the day, stay in my pj's if I can, try to set the kids up with things that wont require too much of my attention so I can lay down on the lounge a little here and there. If they want me to play I choose games where I can lay on the floor. As soon as hubby gets home, I'm off to bed and he takes over.
If I have gastro... That's another story, hubby must stay home!

I wish you well.

I'm just back from the doctor. Severe vitamin D defficiency, and I need daily B12 shots. Doctor is also a little miffed I skipped the cardio stress test (job interview).

Reason for going to doctor. I passed out at 3:50 pm and slept 'till 6 am the next day. This is the 3rd time in a week that has happened. I am very lucky my husband can make it home by 3:30 if he hurries.

Doctor says the allergy medication could make me sleepy. The only problem is the last time I tried going off it I broke out in full body hives and my eyes swelled shut.

I feel very guilty. I've been yelling at my kids a lot lately. Yes I know it is wrong to yell at ones kids. What do you do when you are all out in the pool and you start seeing spots, which means you are soon going to pass out; and the kids choose that very moment to swim as far as possible from the ladder, fight with each other, and exhibit active non compliance with getting out of the pool? Same story at playground. It took all my effort to get them to the playground. We get there, they don't want to play. I engage them with activities, find possible friends for the highly social 3 year old, find occupying toys for the 4 year old who really doesn't want to socialize. Finally they are happy, I feel theres a moment to sit on the bench, drink some water and take a breather. I break out in hives. Where can a find the energy from to get them all out of the playground? When I am well I have lots of patience. When I am well I can see things form their point of view. When I am well I'm a pretty good mom. What to do when I'm sick? I can't keep them cooped up in the house watching movies all the time, I can't always always be passed out asleep neglecting their need for coveration and attention!

Am I a bad mom?

You are sooo not a bad mom! (at least you certainly don't sound like one from what you've written here) You are ill and worn out and doing your best.

You may feel bad not taking them on outings, but it just doesn't sound like you are up for that right now. If you are in danger of passing out, it may not be safe for you to be out alone with them. There is a lot of fun to be had around the house, and many activities that you can get them going on and then rest. Things like educational computer games, audio books, non-messy art projects (pencil crayons, crayons etc.), Lego etc. You can also lay in bed and play (have them bring their toys, books to you).You could even have theme days, like an Eric Carle day where you read Eric Carle stories and then make some simple collages (safety scissors, glue sticks and old magazines, everything near where you are resting). I know that ideally you want to be out with them, making sure they get fresh air and sunshine, but if you can't, you can't. And a few extra movies and quiet days, so that you have a chance to get well is not going to be bad for them in the long run.

I don't know if these suggestions are helpful or not. I have my own health problems, that cause me to be in pain for a portion of every month, and for the year that my sons were in Grade 2, I was ill for months on end. We also do not have family nearby or any type of support system that we can rely on to watch our kids, just me & hubby, and he works a tonne and travels, so when I am sick it is so hard. I can understand your feelings of guilt, and I know how difficult it is to be patient when you are in pain or ill. I am lucky that my boys are older and more independent now, yours are very young which makes it exponentially harder still!

I hope you find time to go back for that stress test, and I hope that you are in the hands of a competent allergist (we have a bunch of serous allergies in our family too, and the quality of care out there for allergies is alarmingly variable). Taking the best possible care of yourself and getting yourself well is really the most important thing you can do to benefit your children.

How old is the oldest? Sorry, I'm just not remembering at the moment, or how well each child functions. Even AS kids can be extraordinary about taking on responsibility when they know it is temporary and there is a very good reason for it. My AS son has amazed me at times, really amazed me, and that started at very young ages. If you can talk with all the kids about your health issues and what you need from them when things are bad, and then arrange some signals with the oldest (or most responsible) so that he knows when he has to be "on" and take certain designated steps with himself and the others, you might feel that you have, at least, some sort of back up plan. Talk openly with them about it, so that they feel comfortable with what they'll be asked to do, even if it is run over to the nearest nice looking lady with children and ask her to call your husband. I think you'll feel more comfortable if the kids have a set of instructions that will take minimal action on your part to set in place. Like mommy just put a bright red piece of paper in front of her face so that means we have to get out of the pool and stop fighting.

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The oldest is 4. The younger is 3. The oldest is AS (probably 2E as I am now starting to learn the term). The younger is the most social person I have ever met. It is hard, particularly when I am sick, to spend all the time talking with her / playing with her and arranging enough playdates to suit her needs. The oldest, from when she was very small, is intensly fascinated to see me in pain or distress. I think this is the AS? When I have my braces adjusted she will purposely head butt me in the jaw. When I have hives she'll rub soft toys on me (dust allergy). She will always get out of the pool on request EXCEPT when I am in distress.

Above probably demonstrates a lot of the young person conflict in our house. If the 3 year old doesn't have anyone else to be highly social with she will seek out the 4 year old. The 4 year old needs lots of alone time. Mom is trying to encourage 4 year old to seek out interpersonal interaction. 4 year old's favorite interpersonal interaction is to push the envelope when mom is sick.

I only have 4 more days and then my husband will retire.

Thanks, Alice, for the advice. I'm teaching the elder one to look up Periodic Table videos on yoube. She is sort of designing her own natural science curriculum - watch video, create example or experiment, draw it out with markers, then onto new topic. She's started doing this all on her own, but needs help with the computer. The pool was part of her Water Cycle day. It really physically pains her the days we don't go to a museum or aquarium.

I think the problem is Mom is sick thus mom needs sleep. Mom needs sleep thus kids feel neglected. Kids feeling neglected seek attention. Kids KNOW they are sure to get NEGATIVE attention. Mom needs to find some way to give positive attention without wearing herself out.

Also, just thanks WP for being a place I can come and talk about my kids when I'm too sick to be spending time with them.

Well, if your husband is going to retire in 4 more days, does that mean you are going to have to work? Just curious.

As far as the guilt, please let that go.....You can't help that you are sick. I know you are probably guilty for yelling at them, so try to maybe work on that some. But, as far as being guilty about not being able to take them somewhere everyday, that does not make you a bad mom if you can't do that. Some days, if I am really feeling bad, I will just take my son for a ride in the car going to the bank, or thru the drive through to get ice cream. This seems to satisfy his urge to get out for a little bit, and I don't have to do much but drive the car a little bit.

Well, at least you have some answers from the doctor, and hopefully, this can get under control. In the meantime, maybe it is teaching your children to be more independent or more creative in filling up their time.

You know, that is how my son is about people being in distress. He seems to be fascinated with babies crying, and always wants to know "Is someone upset?" He will run across the room to kids he does not know from Adam to see why they are crying. He isn't trying to comfort them, he just wants to see what is going on......Wonder what the fascination is?

Hope you start feeling better very soon.......

It sounds like you're going to have to find some way to take care of yourself so you can take care of them. Easier to type than to do.

How well are you eating? Are you taking any kind of vitamins? Are you getting any exercize? When was the last time you had a physical and had your blood sugar and hormone levels checked?

At a certain age I started struggling a bit and my mom sent me some Estroven, which is a mix of vitamins and herbs that her Doctor recommended to her when she was the age I was at that time. I don't know where you are age wise, so I don't know if you're a candidate for that kind of thing. I was having horrible hot flashes and was getting moody, as happens to ladies of my age. The vitamins helped a lot.

A couple of years ago I was just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. My Dr was useless and couldn't give me any suggestions. I started the Nutrasystem diet and began to exercize. I needed food that was pre-packaged (The Nutrasystem diet has prepackaged foods) because I was just too tired to cook for myself and the kids. Their nutritional needs are very different to mine, so I was eating what they should eat and it was making me feel awful. Between the diet, exercize and the lady vitamins I began feeling really good again. My life hasn't gotten easier or simpler, but I'm able to keep up better.

I hope you can get a handle on what's going on with you and feel better.

Yes, we are trading places. Since he isn't allergic to dust and mold and doesn't have asthma triggered by bleach and ammonia that should clear up a lot of my problems.

We try to eat healthy. I am starting to think that we can't meet everyone's nutritional needs, we may need to rethink sitting down 3 times a day to family meals. My doctor thinks that, for whatever reason, my body just isn't absorbing the vitamins, hence daily shots.

Thanks for the advice! I am going to try to think of a way to explain it to the 4 year old. She has a tendancy to treat serious issues as games and vice versa. I've learned my lesson and will not be taking them into the pool nor drive with them without another adult present until I've figured this out.

My husband, finally, agreed last night that maybe for our upcoming move we should hire movers. Before he had been adamant that we'd save money if he drove the truck and I drove the kids.

I don't know if any of you were around, but when I first joined WP we had a hollistic neurologist claiming my daughter was suffering from "leaky gut" and "malabsorbtion" and a bunch of other hocus pocus. Now that my very mainstream general practitioner is saying I am not absorbing vitamins, it's making me wonder., I'm not saying I'd go back to DAN!, just this is getting a bit deja-vu in the strangest of ways.

Thanks to everyone for being a sounding board. I'm pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired.

That's one of the most frustrating things about bad medicine: sometimes it stumbles upon something real (but definitely needs refining). Not to say anything about the truths here, just making a note.

I hope you get well soon.