How come some aspies have friends and others can't make any

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Some posts here talk about not having any friends or only one good friend, and others talk about having something close to a normal social life? Do you think it's more about being higher functioning?
My heart just goes out to some of the people here, because I've been there, not to be condescending.

Not having a lot of friends is a typical thing for aspies. As for how come some have more than others, it depends on a lot of things such as where they are on the spectrum, how old they are, NT siblings, and how good looking they are.

Speaking of which, I thank god I had neurotypical siblings. As great a source of pain as they were at times because of comparison, they also made for a good example.

Well said but there's lots of things you left out. Some Aspies have things besides AS; some have things like ADHD &/or dyslexia & those things can cause some other problems like getting confused in conversations. Some may of had very bad childhoods; some of us may not of been diagnosed as having AS & other people thought they wer mentally retorted or something. Also some or lots of us have special interest & some interest may make it harder to socialize than others. Our jobs or school can also have a lot to do with it. Some of us may work in jobs where we see very few people or some could be unemployed or work from home while others may be in environments where they see more people

Growing up on my street I about 5 friends. It sucked I did not always want to play with them. I would try to dodge them but if they asked my mom or dad my parents would force me to go out with them because they though normal kids do not avoid friends.

By 8th grade I had friends at school but not anyone I saw outside of school.

Mid high school I had one friend who I hung out with at school and the week ends. I had another group of friends that hung out at a local game shop that I saw everyday but these guys were as weird as me.

In my 20's - 30's no friends

Late 30's I satarted going to a game group that I see everyother week but I am not really close to anyone except for one guy but he's the one who told me about Autistic Services in Williamsville. It seems the older I get the less I want to be around people.

I was the same way. The funny thing in my case was that all of my friends before I was 12 were female (I am male). Then when I hit puberty, none of them would have anything to do with me.

There are so many variables. If your family of origin has lots of friends and you stick close, you can "inherit" friends. If you live in or work in a community that has several members with asperger's, it can be easier to make friends. If you don't, and most of us don't, it is harder. I have a good friend and a number of good acquaintances through my church. I'm glad the church doesn't kick out irritating members. I thought I was beginning to make some friends in a writer's critique group until I was kicked out for not communicating well enough. Most of my friendship "time" is given to the relatives we live close to again.

I have a fairly normal social life and I think several things contribute to it. First and foremost is I'm interested in socializing. It's a weird paradox, I know. I remember hating that I had no friends because I thought only bad people had no friends and I did't want to be a bad person. So I tried and tried to get better at socializing. It didn't actually improve until I was in my late teens. Also, I'm diagnosed very very mild and one doctor told me I was hardly on the spectrum, because I've worked my way off of it. I don't agree, because I still feel the same anxieties, I've just learned to not let them affect me so much. Also like someone else said, I have a special interest that forces me to socialize and be good at it, to be good at my special interest. (ballet) Ballet is also an amazing therapy that completely changed my life. I'm sure there are other factors, a lot of them just luck really.

I think a lot of times it's a situation of circumstance.

I've had times in my life where I've had no friends and times in my life where I've had a few.

I have a friend who has PDD-NOS, maybe actually HFA, I've never asked when he started to talk, and he has a lot of acquaintances because people approach him because they think he's interesting looking. If he would talk to them more, and not be so afraid to go do things with them, they could be closer friends.

I think it also matters when they grew up. I was self-diagnosed about the age of 18, and I had some friends in high school, but no close friends. Now the only way I stay in contact with them is social networking. My only close friend is my girlfriend...who, if there was a god, I would thank every day for bringing her into my life lol

Lets see....

for me close friends number at around 7-10
friends of friends that I hang out with and stuff number at around 30

so yeah, I am NOT a typical Aspie, thats for sure... 0____________0

When I went to an Aspie meet-up, I found that many of the other people there were outwardly much more "Aspie" than I am (partly perhaps because I'm a woman and they were mostly men) but they were for the most part much more talkative and charming than I am. I don't know whether they had friends or not, but they were interesting and funny.

I, on the other hand, didn't say a word unless asked, and then I was nervous and fumbling. After the meeting most people stayed to socialize but I left right away because I couldn't imagine standing around making chit-chat.

When I was diagnosed, the psychologist said I didn't have some traits and was not full-blown AS, but that my social functioning was one of the worst she had seen, and she only sees Aspies.

I guess my point is that AS varies and so does the social aspect of AS. I would like to have more friends but I am very isolated and am not sure where I could even go to meet people, and when I do meet or know people they make me uncomfortable. (The people at the Aspie meeting seemed too different from me, so I don't know if that would be a place to meet anyone.)

Some neurotypicals have a lot of friends, and some only have a few. Having Asperger's doesn't mean you can't have as many friends as a neurotypical, it just means that it's more difficult to obtain and maintain friendships. It all depends on personality.

I think, for me, it is environmental.
I came to a conclusion years ago that maybe people can only like me once they get used to me.

So if I'm in an environment, such as a workplace, where people have to interact, then they get used to me, and some might be extra friendly in a way that I can respond to. And if they are naturally friendly to others as well, then so can I be.

But in an environment where people only get to know each other by choice, I don't do well at all, since I can only do the 'pleasant to strangers' part and can't progress that in any way, so nobody gets to know me enough to get used to me, and presumably doesn't see anything to like.

I don't know if that is a good analysis, but it's the best explanation I can find for why I have done well at times, yet at other times have been friendless, despite putting myself into all the usually recommended social situations over and over again.

Perhaps there are people who are natural ice-breakers, who can somehow bypass the insecurities that AS brings.

I have found that if I attempt to initiate friendship, it backfires, so presume that, by trying, I come across as creepy in some way.

Everywhere I go, people are wanting to be my friend. When I hang out with other people, it is easy to socialize and get along. For some reason though, I have never really desired to have friends. Even when I had lots of them, I always wanted my time with them to be over so I could go hang out by myself. Sometimes it gets lonely, I guess but I don't really mind. I have zero friends. I've had people try to beat my door down, literally, to be my friend but I just don't like people that way. I don't even like to be around my family.

I don't really talk to people. Its not by choice, I just never know what to say. I don't understand all that small talk banter. It confuses me. Not talking to people is a sure way to not have friends. That's my issue, I can't speak for others.