There is this girl in my advanced statistics course that I am taking this summer who was in my intro to research methods class last semester. Last semester she came up to me to ask for help with an assignment. I helped her, and she came up to me after class and talked to me every now and then for the rest of the semester. She asked for help a lot with course work and wanted to compare answers on our assignments for research methods. We took the same bus home and talked on the bus, but when it came to exchanging numbers and hanging out she seemed reluctant. I told her that I had done really well in intro to statistics (which we did not have together); I actually told her that I got the highest mark in the class on the final. When she found out that we would be taking advanced statistics together this semester, she got really exited. She then asked me to hang out with her (go out with her and her friends) but I said no, because I do not like going out with big groups of people who I don't know. I explained that to her. She wanted to hang out after stats class the first day and we did. She wanted to collect our assignments from RM. class, so we did. She did a lot worse than I did. She compared our answers to questions and was getting a bit angry that she had lost marks for this and that. I tried to offer explanations for why she could have lost marks and she got really mad at me for "defending the teacher". She has some mental health issues as well...she admits to having anxiety and I think she also has some anger issues). After that incident I decided to ignore her in the hopes that she would get the hint and leave me alone. I mind had suspected her of using me for help with work but didn't mind being used as her nerdy friend. However, after she got mad and yelled at me. I decided I did not want her in my life anymore.
Last class she came up to me and asked if I was pissed at her. She said she didn't want me to think she was using me. Then a couple minutes later (literally) she proceeded to ask me if she could pay me to tutor her in statistics because she wanted to be sure I didn't think she was using me. I said that sounded okay and asked her how many hours a week she wanted to meet. She said she only needed less than and hour right then to explain a few things. I said she didn't have to pay me for that. I explained a few things to her, and she kept offering me money (for that short time that I helped her. she offered me 20 bucks). She also kept reiterating that she was not using me. She offered me money to let her call me if she had questions. I said she didn't have to pay me for that either. This was yesterday morning, and she has already called me three times and left a message saying she needs help.
I am really bad at confronting people and telling them that I don't want to speak to them anymore, and at standing up for myself. However, her tone of voice when she said she wasn't "using me" and when she offered me money was a bit aggressive (I think), it almost felt like intimidation. That being said, I am not that great at discerning social cues, like tone of voice, and I may have mis-read her. Also, I do feel really bad for her because she tries really hard and does not do well in school...and as I said she has mental health issues. I also feel bad because she may have genuinely wanted to be my friend, (even if her motive for talking to me in the first place was to talk to the nerdy girl who will help her out). I cannot figure her out.
Am I a horrible person if I just ignore her? Am I a sucker if I do call her back and help her with stats? Our exam is on Tuesday (I should be studying), and I did say she could call. I would be breaking my word and letting someone down who needs help. On the other hand I have been used before and do not want to be used again. I also want her out of my life. What should I do?
30 Jun 2010, 9:39 pm
