Hope someone can help with my problem

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First off, I've never really had any friends at all. Not anyone who I could call a close friend, i.e. someone who I can go to just to talk about my problems. I've got a few buddies, but I don't consider friends as I define them.

There was only 1 true friend I ever had. She was a wonderful girl, we did so much together last summer, took trips, beach, hung out alot, etc... Anyways, although not initially atracted to her, I developed romantic feelings for her and wanted our friendship to progress. She said no, but I guess I continued to push a little, and then she said she needed space. Well, in a moment of dumb stupidity, I went over to her place asking to talk to her. I guess this startled her. This was back in October btw. Anyways, her birthday was coming up, so I bought her a gift because we had been very close for a long time, and i figured she would have come around by then. On the day of her birthday, one of my buddies, who is also friends with the girl, told me I was not invited to her party. This really hurt. He told me where they were going, so I went down, and there was all my so called friends and her all playing pool together, while I was sitting all alone. You can imagine how hurt I was, and so I guess I made a bit of a scene, but just because I wanted to talk to her and wanted to be included.

I should have left it at that, but this girl meant so much to me, because it was the first time in my entire life like I felt that I had a true friend. So, I started e-mailing her and sending her a xmas card in the mail, along with flowers. Apparently, she was creeped out about this, but that was not my intention, my intention was to apologize for my bad behaviour. Anyways, I've stopped sending her anything.

But, this has left me depressed since November. And I can't kill it. All I want is for her to talk to me, to listen to me. I hate the way things ended, and I can't get over this. I should be able to, but I can't. I can't understand why she overemphasizes on or two of my mistakes, yet ignoring all the good times that me and her shared last summer.

I don't know what to do. I just want to talk to her, that's all. So she can hear my side of the story.

Sorry for the long post. This is the first time I've posted about this, and it has left me so depressed for so long, and I think it's getting worse.

Perhaps instead of sending her gifts and flowers, you should send her an actual apology?

I understand exactly. Something similair has happened to me.

My advice is pretty much just this: forget it, move on, and learn from your mistake.

I did send her an actual apology. I sent it through e-mail and I also sent a Christmas card and letter apologizing. But she refuses to talk to me. She was supposed to be my friend, and I figured a true friend wouldn't just cut someone off like that, but would want to talk to them as well.



I want to move on, but I have a really hard time doing so, I don't know why. I guess I got really attached.

Nothing more you can do. Like Seigneur said, forget it and move on. You say you cannot? You will. It is only a matter of time.

The following is harsh but true:

Your relationship was doomed to end anyway. It was only a matter of time before it ended. I am guessing you are a young guy, or at least fairly young, and that combined with the fact that it was your first real relationship means the probability of it lasting forever was very close to zero. This result was damn near inevitable. Accept it and move on.

Oh lonelyandblue, that was sad

It's sad she doesn't feel the same way about you
and that she misunderstood your gift giving.

But it's best just move on now, just think to yourself - "at the time I did the best I could."

Is there anyone you can talk to about understanding or learning more social skills (apart from this forum)?

Oh, then she is a jerk and not worth the emotional investment. Start looking for a new friend...

That was not a good story, but I hope things improve with you soon!

No, I don't. I feel so alone, so empty right now. She misunderstood my intentions. I have heard through my brother, who talks to her, that she still cares about me. But I don't know whether to believe that or not, because no true friend would have abandoned me for so long, knowing how much pain I have been going through. I think I'm more upset that I thought I had a true friend, but a true friend would always be there for me. Cuz I would be for them.

I'm sorry I know it doesn't help but this is kind of what I'm going through right now I think the only thing that can be done is you try and get over it gradually. Try to do things and get out and get over her and keep her out of your mind as much as possible. Search for a few new friends and if you still have feelings for her try and get them out of your head.

I know how this feels. But maybe the relationship got too intense for her to handle and she needed to break away from it. It hurts but perhaps it's best that you find more then 1 close friend to offer support and get comfort from. If she still cares about you she might also be a good friend in the future.. I hope things get better for you.

Yes maybe it did get too intense for her, but I don't know. All I know is is that I had made plans with her on a Monday night to go out to dinner on Thursday (we went out for dinner quite a bit), but then I couldn't get a hold of her on Thursday. And when I talked to her on MSN later on, yeah I was a bit upset because I could have had other plans, and that's when she told me she needed a break. But then she had to go and she wouldn't give me any explanation as to why she had decided that.

Anyways, I just wish she would talk to me so that we could both set things straight and make things right.

I know how you feel. And I don't know what you can do about it. I guess waiting for them to approach you is the only way to move forward.. If you press yourself on her again it will only make things worse and prolong the time when she doesn't give answers or talk to you. But I don't know how possible it is to get over someone when you constantly think there might still be a chance because they won't give you reasons and explanations. I'm sorry.

an update on my situation...

My brother has been talking online to her, and I must say, she has misunderstood my intentions ALOT!

For example, my so called "friend" told her that I would look all over for her the night of her birthday... obviously to cover his on @ss due to the fact he told ME where everyone was going! So, he makes me out as a STALKER of some sort, which I definitely am not!

Second, this "friend" told her that I attacked him, when I did not! Now, I agree I can get worked up quite a bit, but NEVER would I strike at someone, unless he was striking at me and I had to defend myself.

Third, she figures I was drinking all night, because I arrived shortly before they did, and therefore I was drunk! Again, this ties in to point 1, as I would have been to other bars. But this is BS, because this so called "friend" of mine told her cr@p so as not to look like he was the reason I showed up at her bday party.

Fourth, she thought I was trying to ruin her night, which was not my intention. Yes, what happened afterwards scared her quite a bit, but all I wanted to do was wish her a Happy Bday and give her a gift because, after all, we both became very close. And after all, imagine how you would feel when the only people you knew and whom I was always there for to lend a helping hand, and to whom I only showed kindness and caring, were all having fun, and you are sitting all alone.

Fifth, the fact that I sent her a card at christmas and valentines day creeped her out because I didn't put my return address. The reason I didn't was so that she would actually READ the cards. If she would have seen who had sent them, she probably would not have read them, but the point was to 1) wish her well and 2) apologize for my bad behaviour and 3) hope we could be friends sometime down the future.

I have such limited knowledge with interacting with people that I guess, sometimes, I think I'm doing the right thing, but in reality it is being perceived as "creepy" or "scary" or whatever. I don't understand why some people can't just TALK to someone, why they have to ingore someone. It makes no sense! Now, I am afraid of going out because, I live in a small community (75,000 pop.) and if I go out to the mall or something, and she sees me, she might think I'm stalking her or something!

Anyways, she is plenty wrong on alot of things, yet she won't talk to me so that she can get a clearer picture of what my intentions were. I just wish she could understand what was TRULY happeining, not what the perception was.

I was brought up to treat people the way you wished to be treated. I was bullied heavily at school and this taught me to be good to others, because I felt the pain of being teased an picked on. Unfortunately though, I believe I should not have to care for others, otherwise you will just be treaded over, and then when they tire of you, you are simply dumped. Lesson learned I guess.

Whether she is wrong about you is irrelevant. The point is that she does not want to continue seeing you, and this fact probably has little or nothing to do with what you think are the relevant issues. I think that you should accept her decision as arbitrary. There is probably nothing that can be fixed in order to win her back. It was an arbitrary decision -- there is no real reason for it and thus no issue that you can address. Yes, people do that, they are capricious.

Anyway, the relationship (if I can call it that) was doomed in any event. Your next relationship is doomed too. The next one after that is probably doomed as well. But do not feel bad because this is NORMAL. It is HEALTHY for people to go through multiple relationships especially when young. You cannot expect to marry the very first person you have a relationship or close friendship with, or expect to be with them forever. She knows this and has progressed to her next learning experience (her next relationship or friendship). You need to do the same.

Time to move on.

You need to forget about her. She's given out the obvious signs she isn't interested. She probably thinks pursuing the friendship will make you think you have a chance with her.

Time heals all wounds, so try to do other things.

Maybe after a lot of time has passed you could give her a proper apolgy.

I've had that too. You were overwhelming and over-demanding- demanding too much attention of her & thar scared her: You both hadc a nice time as it seems- why didn't you enjoy this for a longer while? How long into your acquaintance did you start to push for more?
She gave yo clear signs that she felt uncomfortable with your push for intimacy by writing that she needs a break.
After that you should have backed off for a while or reduce your contact.

Then see if she contacts you. I know that waiting is hard. But you don't have to wait..you have to get her off your mind for a while when you back off and try and see more and new people, start new activities, pursue your interests.Enjoy yourself. Love yourself more. Be more "obsessed" with your interests/hobbies not with persons


To make things worse, you made a drunk scene at her birthday- OMG oh no.........

Then sent her Christmas card without a return addrress. Mistakes after mnistakes.

Then, you say, you've been pining since November omg! You could have seen many new people in this time, for an example over the Internet. There millions waiting to befriend millions.

You may say that your ex-friend is unique but that does not prove a point because everyone is unique - so are you and I and all people on WP and others seeking friendship over the Net tooo

A question i have: who suggested and initiated and arranged your Thursday dinners? You or she?

That ought to show you who was more emotionally involved or neeedy in yor ex-friendship

It seems to me that you thought of your Tursday dinners as a fixture, as a must.That is intimidating and restraining...
( I know have such a tendency too,: But this an AS trait- the wish for repetition & routine... )


Remember: Understay your welcome & people like pleasure, not pressure.

Which of the two latter do you like personally?



At any rate, get over it & move on & unfixate yourself from her & stop obsessiing. Cut the obsessive thoughts short....Cut them out. Stop them aas soon as they show up....