need advice

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I am in need of some advice. James is 9 and his brother that is 8 have not seen their father for 7 years. There were things that happened back then and we kinda stopped all contact with eachother. Well we have been in contact for the last week and have had discussions about him possibly seeing the boys. The boys also have 2 older brothers from their dad also.

One thing is the boys know nothing about their father or brothers or that they even exist, they have never asked. I have had a significant other for over 7 years but they do not call him dad nor have they ever been told that he was their dad. I was gonna talk to James's psychologist about it incase I decided to do a meeting.

The other thing is my significant other is very unhappy about me even talking to him and I am not even sure on how to deal with that. My thought is that I should set up a meeting.

So PLEASE help with any advice!

Is "autism" somewhere in this mix? Are you looking at disclosure issues?

I would wait awhile until you know how serious your ex is about "sticking around" this time. Perhaps require him to meet with your son's psychologist or do some reading on AS. Perhaps you should meet with him a few times to fill him in on what has transpired in their lives while he's been gone.

In the meanwhile, you need to bring the topic up with your children. I would broach it carefully. Let them know the story and what transpired leading up to where you are now (I am a firm believer in honesty with children or else they'll find out the truth later and resent you for not telling them). Let them know he is wanting to meet with them and find out honestly how they feel about this.

Now, given all this I do believe in a parent's right to see their children as long as they are mentally and emotionally healthy enough (both the parent and the children) to deal with it. However, when you have a child with AS, it is a bit more complicated and it may take longer before the meeting would be appropriate.

As far as your current significant other, well he deserves some respect also as he has been the day to day caregiver around these kids. Talk with him honestly. Show him there is no danger of your ex coming into your heart again. Let him be involved in the discussions if you feel it would help. Sounds like you have a lot of hard, honest, emotional discussion ahead of you.

Good luck.

yes hutchscott James is autistic

mama to grace
yes i do think dad would stick around. I also have thought about meeting up with dad first so we can go into greater detail about James and his ways.
I see his psychologist next week and I was gonna see what her thoughts were and also help me with how I should introduce the situation.

with my current other he has lived here day to day with the children but only as my other. he does not play any parental role in their lives but he does provide for them financially somewhat but thats it. I do consider his feelings but i also believe that this would be a positive thing for both boys.