The Self Esteem Paradox

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This is the situation where in someone with low self esteem can only raise their self esteem if someone falls in love with them, but that they are an unsuitable or undesirable partner because of their low self esteem, thus keeping them in the depression. Now they may want love for reasons other then self esteem obviously, but being loved romantically would make them feel good. Can anyone think of a way to break this paradox?

I know a way to break the cycle. The person with low self-esteem could find someone else with low self-esteem who won't reject em. They could both relate & help each other out. I wish more people with low self-esteem wer willing to give others with low self-esteem a chance

It would never work!

You need to get self esteem. Check you're local chemist, there's 50ml bottles for sale at just 2€.

Self-esteem is about to get a lot more expensive, since the chinese union workers got their raise.

Damn, so it will be sold out?! I just ran out of my supplies as well.

You're in the same mindset as Toad.

You should NOT need to have or be able to attract a partner to gain self esteem! You have to spend some time on self reflection and HELP yourself pull yourself out of a rut and get some self worth. Other people should NEVER be resonsible for this. Its your responsibility.

Don't even think about expecting a girl to make you feel like you're worth anything. Take resonsibility for yourself damn it.

Self esteem in one sphere of life raises overall self esteem. So focus on some aspect of yourself that you can succeed with, creating good feelings about yourself. If you can't find a lover, but can build an amazing table, or write a wonderful song, or make someone smile, then do that.

Yeah I agree ....self-esteem is a paradox. Not just romantically.

Being able to accomplish anything worthwhile takes self-confidence, yet people who are confident didn't
get it from nowhere.

What can you besides keep trying, messing up and further alienating yourself from the outside world?

I really believe most NT's struggled along the way, but that confidence came naturally for them.

I believe that it takes alot more confidence for someone with AS to really be confident.

If someone is fairly normal by societies standards, interacts fairly normal, progresses fairly normal, struggles with problems fairly normal, then it is a much different world from say:

Grew up shy and isolated, did not mature with the rest, did not interact fairly normal, is depressed, has symptons of AS, possibly OCD, anxiety, not comfortable in their own skin, thousands of cringingly bad memories, was bullied etc.

Its not the same hand dealt, or even anywhere near close.

This is very true. Other people can't give you self-esteem. It needs to come from within, or it won't last.

Or you could just go to the nearest liquor store.

I'd rather end my life than become an alcoholic.

Being misunderstood & having lots of problems connecting & relating to others & being bullied by em can cause a person to have major self-esteem problems. Finding people who can accept em & care about em & try to understand em; can sometimes really help a person with low self-esteem start getting confidence. So even thou confidence does come from within; it can be greatly affected by other factors in life. I tend to get along much better with people who tend to be less confident. Confident people insist that all my problems are caused by my attitude & that things will magically change in my life by simply thinking positively. I know from experience that there is much much more to it than simply being confident & having an optimistic attitude. I feel much better when I feel that I'm accepted the way I am & that's why I think people with low self-esteem or other problems/issues should try to find others with things

Doesnt Work! Iv tried it many times. Temporarily you feel GREAT, but then you will feel back to your regular self.

It works less and less as you are still conscious under the influence, and you know while you are faded, that your good feelings will disappear.

^^Pay Attention To This^^


YOU have to find reasons to like yourself, that is the only source of SELF Esteem. The very term means "self estimate" - its about how you rate you, not what others think. Truly healthy self esteem is neither created nor destroyed by some other party's evaluation of you.

Unhealthy self esteem can easily be turned into a festering infection if your confidence depends on someone else. Love affairs eventually end. If you only thought you were valuable because your lover thought so, you're going to be devastated when they move on, and feel even lower than when you started.

You want to make yourself appear more confident and appealing? Take Moog's advice and concentrate on your strengths to ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING. When you know in your heart that you're doing something worthwhile, you'll automatically start to feel better about yourself. That's confidence.

Sitting around moping because nobody is fawning over you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear and petting you is the surest way to guarantee that you'll be alone forever. Even girls with low self esteem are not attracted to crybabies.

I think thats pretty obvious to most people on here...............a little insulting as well that you said that (im not attacking you, don't take it personally). Of course you have to feel good about yourself deep within or no one will. Its easy redundant advice, but it is true.

I don't think people do get it, actually.