Are you living or just merely existing and surviving?

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I feel so much like I am just existing and surviving in this world, waiting for it to be over, rather than having a fun time and really living in it.

So that I don't have a meltdown or stress out too much, I do my familiar things, listen to my familiar music, eat the same food every day because I like it., eat out at the same places and order the same thing each time I go. It's comforting to me, but at the same time feels really silly.

I like to browse the net and read books looking at my special interests. I have horrible anxiety and depression but have adverse reactions to the medicines that would help with this. There is probably one out there that would help but it's a hell of a lot of work to find out which, and painful for my body to experiment on finding one that might work when from experience, so many of them cause scary side effects to me.

I feel like I've been sentenced to this life where I have to constantly manage myself and keep away from stressful situations, people, things, lights, noise etc etc where for NT people, they don't even have to consider this stuff. For me, it's exhausting, but from experience, if I don't do these things that manage my body/self, it leads to total breakdown and becoming really wound up.

So I have a choice, either choose to care for my body the way it is, perhaps look at myself as having a disability of sorts which needs to be taken care of (which I do), same as a diabetic would keep taking their insulin or a paraplegic uses their wheelchair or, I can choose not to care for myself and become completely stressed out and lead to meltdown/shutdown.

Which do you choose? and how does it make you feel making that choice?

Someone has yet to give me an objective definition of what the so-called "living" is. That's because there isn't one. The majority put one [or several] out there, be like this or that, but it's only a majority [or minority] social consensus, nothing more.

I think when you put it that way many people in the world including NTs live that way. It's like the Talking Heads song "Once in a Lifetime". Many people just live by letting the days go by. I don't see a problem with that really. Just find something you enjoy and care about and, make that your goal.

Living is, I suppose doing what you feel is what you are on the world for.

Some people never give a damn about that. Some people do but never find it. Others find it and never feel they are realising there potential.
Are any of these people living?

In my early forties I had a couple of years of feeling quite superfluous. I was so sure the world could just as well do without me.
But I have learned more and think I found at least a little bit of direction in life.

We are all here by accident. Don't look for any Cosmic Purpose. There is none.

ruveyn

Not sure. My life is better than it could be (all things considered), but I'm denied many of the things a normal person would expect me to have by this point in my life (over 40).

A bit better than mere existence, but not "living" the way I had imagined (or hoped) when I was 18. Much of my quality of life comes from choosing to embrace lower standards and expectations.

@ Ruve: And I thought I was morbid . . . you do have a point, but so does everyone else.

Living is what makes you you, and you happy. It's a highly subjective concept since one person's definition will differ with the next person. However, all life is about change, so how you want to "live" can shift just as easily. One minute, you could be content with just coming home to play games on your computer, and the next you could want to start your own business. That's why people say, "Try something different," but I know a lot of us here have, what I am starting to call, a "Fear of Failure" complex. We want to try things, but we have this fear of not doing as well as everyone else (or better) that we talk ourselves out of stuff entirely. Admittedly, I'm in that category . . . I think in terms of X failures, not X ways of not to do something. That is a mindset that is pretty much holding a lot of us back I think . . .

I believe your purpose has to come from within.

i think you really have no choice but that choice, Im currently the same way. Disabled, no other way to put it.



i think this was well said.. and something many of us need to do.

Yes it's a very subjective term. But I knew as soon as I saw it that I was really living. Life isn't particularly happy for me lately but I feel very much alive.

I understand you perfectly. I have to carefully manage myself or I meltdown. I can't handle change or confusion or too much activity. It has been like this for all my life. I have to keep it very simple and surround myself with uncomplicated situations. My thoughts are complicated and I struggle with sad and then I work through it. I do watch the world run around like crazy, addicted to having 'things to do'. I'm not bored or angsty unless I listen to messages of the world. I saw a guy the other day at a park with his little girl. She had cp or other physical stuff, and something neurological, maybe autism, and they were walking around together. He smiled and then went on to the next area. She needed constant supervision and he was kind and sweet. There is nothing at this park, no kids, hardly nothing but a river and she was pretty calm. But I was thinking about this very issue. This guy had better not listen to the messages of the world...what is he into, where does he vacation, what does he know, where does he live...blah blah...he is just trying to figure out today and figure out how to find a way for his daughter to live in this world. I think if I have a plan that works it is a miracle. The world is filled with these quiet stories of people that would wish for uncomplicated.

I agree, but I didn't think that's what the OP meant. Rather, I think the point is whethe ryou do something you find genuinely enjoyable about life. I, for one, sometimes feel like I'm living, for example when I'm happy with my boyfriend or strongly engaged into a special interest, but sometimes I feel like I merely survive. I suffer from anxiety, too (not depression), and I can tell you it can make life quite hellish. At the moment, I'm in the midst of an anxiety crisis, which means sure I'm merely existing and surviving, not living.

The only definition of 'living' I have ever heard pertains to getting out of your house and doing risky things in social situations.

I'm just not like that. I'm content staying home with my kids most days. On the days where I want to do more than garden, I take them to the park or the store. Those days are few, though.

So, I suppose by most peoples' standards, I am merely existing. I'm fine with that.

I merely exist.

I am living!

I enjoy going out with my friends, in the evening. I have a wonderful job, that I enjoy. I have a hobby, that I'd like to get into, after I sell the left over stuff, that I've made, from door to door. I also have a family that I like to visit, at least once a month. I also have special interests and passions, that enrich my life, as well. I have a clubhouse that I go to, a few times a week, where I get to talk to a lot of wonderful people. I have a dog, that I love, who lives with my parents, and a cute, little niece. I'm also thinking about getting back into my art. I have a lot to live for.

i am just going through the motions!
I took a job that I should not of taken because I NEEDED it.
I am in debt up to my ears
I have been ignoring my friends (which are few anyway)
I want to scream.

I actually had a panic attack on my way to work the other day! I just froze at the door, not able to move except for my shaking hands.....'

I long to live.

I hate this!! !