Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

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I am a handsome, in shape man who is 33 years old. But because I have aspergers, I am alone.

But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.

I find this to be so unfair, and so cruel, to the men who have aspergers. There is an old aspie joke that says "whats the difference between an aspie male and an aspie female? answer: the aspie female is married".

How do you cope with the fact that you'll be alone the rest of your life? I'm having a hard time accepting. EVERY WOMAN treats me like I'm the plauge' and I'm so sick of it. They approach me because of my looks, flirt a little, then realize "oh hes different, I dont like him anymore".

I dont even try anymore. Its such a losing battle, and in the end it just brings more and more pain.

You read these websites on how to pick up girls. You have to be the fuggin' "alpha male" b.s. because God forbid you are like me, women just wont like you.

I really have contemplated suicide over this. I'm sick of being alone. Here I am a handsome in shape caring guy, and Im all alone. This world is so fugged up. I dont even want to live anymore. I cant wait for death.

Um, I'm sure you're going to get a TON of this, but here goes:

You are GROSSLY generalizing. I have just the same kind of trouble that males with Aspergers have. I cannot bridge the social gap in any meaningful way, which leaves me alone. All the time. And I'm getting older and older, which means that I face the same "invisibility" issues that NT women face as they age.

And I'm purdy. For now.

Obviously - because the ONLY thing Asperger's impairs is one's ability to have a relationship and having a relationship is the ONLY thing that matters - everything else is a non-issue

You need counselling. Odds are it's not just your Asperger's that's causing the problem, but some other issues such as poor self-esteem or extreme social anxiety. These are not inherent to the Syndrome, and can be dealt with.

I'd watch out, in your post I'm seeing similarities with the attitude that the guy who shot up that gym had. Blaming women and the world for his own problems. I'd look into dealing with the situation in a more constructive manner than blame.

Focus on yourself, don't get upset about what others have easy or not. That won't do anything for you except make you bitter and even less attractive. Anyway, female aspies can face different, but equally unpleasant problems. We all suffer.

I still say that you don't necessarily get what I'm talking about. I cannot bridge the gap, therefore I cannot date. The men sense the "alienness" about me. As do women, so I don't have a ton of friends, either.

I'm sorry for your pain, for anyone's pain, really. I too have been rejected and rejected and rejected by guys to the point where I have given up, too. I try to date, I try to fit in, I'm definitely not asexual, but it never works for me. Yes, men try to chat me up but you can see it, clearly, when their interest wanes.

If you're just looking for sex, then I guess I can't speak to that. I wish I could feel comfortable just having sex with no attachment, but that's weird, too.

AS does not keep you from dating, having mad sex and/or forging relationships. It will affect your long-term relationships, creating challenges that more neurotypical types are less likely to face, but it will do that to anyone with AS, regardless of gender.

Getting to know someone and successfully asking them out and having pleasant dating experiences is not rocket science, but - and I've been thinking about this a lot lately - this is one good reason for not diagnosing AS in children and young people. Once you become convinced of BS stereotypes like "Aspies can't flirt or ever know how to hookup or date and nobody will ever like them because they're different" it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. But its pure BS.

I have dated like a rock star or pro athelete, been married 3 times, had as many live-in long terms and I'm a freaking POSTER BOY for AS. Most of the women I've dated, liked me BECAUSE I wasn't like the meatheads they were used to. So engage in a little homemade Behavior Therapy and get over that self-defeating mindset.

I agree with the poster who doubted it was your AS that is the issue. The AS may contribute to your inability to see the real issue, but I doubt it IS the issue. I married a sweet and very shy AS man. Love can find it's way.

Having been single myself well past when I wanted to get married, I will say that "not wanting to be alone" is, by itself, a deterent to finding a relationship. Successful relationships are built between people who are comfortable with themselves and able to be alone, and not between people who are trying to fulfill a need by finding someone. Step one for me was, without a doubt, to stop living my life wishing someone else was in it; that wish alone made me less attractive. People who desperately want to be with someone else, not because of the person but because they want "someone," project a need that is very invasive and uncomfortable. Until you can learn how to be happy by yourself and for yourself, you are likely to continue to scaring people away with the sense of need they get from you. It took a little time for me to learn to just live for me, but it made a huge difference in all aspects of my life. And, funny how it happens, once I realized that I actually would be able to live a happy life if I never married, I met my husband.