Soccer group

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My son started a soccer/therapy group yesterday for kids with autism. It was nice that they do not worry about meltdowns and the kids are free to wander off the field and regroup if they need to. My son is 8 so this group was the littler kids, but there was one thing I noticed when they did go off into small teams to play "against" each other. The kids were not wanting to do something inappropriate so mostly they were following the person with the ball. I can imagine how a bunch of NT kids would be trying to kick each other and knock kids down and trying to cheat. Each kid had a parent nearby on the field and my son scored (in both of the goals- lol). But no one cared and they were all excited. It is especially when seeing things like this that I do not see ASD as a disorder. And I don't think it was the matter of the kids not knowing what to do - my son had wanted to play soccer and mainly wanted to run and score goals. I think regular competitive sports are difficult for kids on the spectrum because they usually involve taking things away from other players and making them feel bad. It is great to see some kids just playing for the enjoyment - not trying to see who is going to be the "winner".

I read a parent had a similar experience with her son and recess. The child was in trouble for not playing correctly. Turns out he didn't want to"steal" the ball.

I wish they had something like that here. My son wants to play, he kicks the ball around the backyard. Finally we took him to see a group of younger kids - he's 11, they were 6-7 - and he was terrified by their aggressiveness.

He has no competitiveness, he just wants to play for playings' own sake. I guess it's back to the backyard for now

It seems like most competitive sports require kids to do the things that they shouldn't do off the field. Doesn't really make any sense - but then again alot of contradictory messages are sent in social situations.

This is new for us in our area here. Last year they started a program like this at a local university in the next county and then they added basketball and I think baseball this summer - all for kids with autism. They had a good turnout for the first session for the littler kids so maybe they will add some more programs here too. If not we may drive for the basketball because he absolutely loves that too but can not handle playing on a team. I just thought it was so great to see the kids get to have fun.

Both my sons are signed up for soccer this summer, Dylan (mod. HFA) is in the U-6 group (he's 5) and Brendon (non-autistic but advanced and quirky) will be 3 next month and is in the U-4 group. This should be an interesting experience. I think I'm more anxious over this as I have to be at every practice and all than they are combined.

I was just wondering shouldn't you eventually try to teach them how to actually play the game (maybe minus the agressiveness...) I mean it seems that auties/aspies can do anything that anyone else can do most of the time and its not a disability (at least not in the traditional sense) so cant we learn what goal to shoot on and stuff like that???

That is the purpose of the group - or else it wouldn't be called soccer . It would be called standing on the field doing whatever. The difference though is that they are learning ball control and the give and take, back and forth of the game at a slower pace and learning it is smaller segments so it isn't overwhelming. Many kids like my son have not had an ooportunity to play on a team before - so what is the big deal about shooting the ball in the "wrong' goal on the first day. That is typical for little kids - but the difference is none of the other kids are screaming about what a stupid and wrong thing that is to do. And personally - I don't care for that stuff. To me I guess I look at it the opposite way - why should any kid with an ASD have to lower themselves to playing like a bunch of animals like the kids on the NT teams often do. Why isn't this real soccer if THEY are enjoying themselves. I'm disappointed too in the fact that an in-law had a dismissive attitude towards this too once they found out there wasn't some official league - otherwise they would have come out to watch him play.

I didn't enjoy sports when I was a kid and was even excused from gym class all through high school because I couldn't handle the stress and structure of gym and there was no such think as "accomodations" when I was a kid. The accomodation was that I didn't have to be included. Which was fine with me. I just think that it may have been nice to have been able to play games like this where you would have been accepted - scoring in wrong goals and all.

Isn't it nice to see how aspies tend to play with each other? Put them into a game with a bunch of NTs, and they can't handle the unbridled competitiveness. Let them play with each other, and they get along just fine. I think that aspies may play better and more fair than NTs, and I sometimes wonder if the NTs are the ones with the problems.

I used to play soccer in the school where I was in for specialized students. It was a good experience. Almost all of the kids had some sort of "developmental disorder," as the NTs like to call it. And it wasn't just soccer, but most of the phys-ed classes were similar. There was some emphasis on winning and losing, but there was definitely not a lot of emphasis on intense competition. Touchdown football, for example, was not even allowed.

Public school phys-ed is simply immoral. It is immoral to incorporate hard-edged competitive traits into our own schoolchildren, NT or not. Not only does it create bullies, but many of the schools, including colleges even, now use sports as a means for scholarship. Really, NTs should be ashamed of themselves.

- Ray M -

:giggles: I was very competitive when I was a kid, I remember I would keep score at my tball games lol. Though I would never get mad at anyone for making a mistake (like I hope they wouldnt get mad at me.

Endersdragon wrote:

I'm with you Endersdragon. My 10 y/o aspie has been playing soccer since forever, and he has become quite good. He wasn't always good at soccer, of course. However, having the experiences and sticking with it has really helped him improve. He is on a very competitive NT team and is our team's best goal keeper, and he's also good at mid-field, and yes, he has learned to be aggressive. In fact, he declared to me this season that he wants to try to get onto a select team! Over the

I have always felt that if I do not encourage J to try new sports/activities, even if they are aggressive, or if I shelter him from anything that could make him uncomfortable or challenge him, he'll never learn to do the activities the NT kids are doing, and he'll feel left out, and the NT kids will not accept him. He'll never feel normal. That's a big thing for him at the age of 10. He knows he's not the same as the NT kids, and he knows he has AS. He doesn't understand exactly what that means, but he knows I won't let him use it as an excuse for not trying his best. All he wants is to feel normal and have friends, and if that means he wants to play soccer or football, play the guitar, or learn to skate board then I support him.

Aeturnus wrote:



Physical education is good for our kids, and it's not immoral. The schools are not just teaching football or what you might call "hard-edge" sports. They also teach about track, volleyball, softball, basketball, dance, etc. Group sports gives our AS children another opportunity to learn socialization skills and how to stay physically fit. Schools can make accommodations for children who have disabilities or who are not as gifted athletically. Bullies can be dealt with. I have helped my son deal with them many times over the years. As adults we have to learn how to deal with bullies. If we don't learn these skills as children, what will we do when we're adults? Lastly, colleges offer a variety of scholarship programs, athletically and academically. Our AS kids may have a difficult time winning an athletic scholarship, and NT kids who are good at sports may have difficulty winning an academic scholarship. Really, it all washes in the end. Or, maybe our AS kids have the advantage....since they have a true disability, schools also offer modifications, tutors and assistance to disabled students. NT kids don't receive these services.

Okay, I'll get off my soap box now...sorry if I offended anyone. I just hate using AS as a crutch for not doing your best to excel in whatever you want to excel in. You don't have to be perfect, just do your best and accept the challenge.

i wish there was something like that around here for teens/young adults

The issue is not letting kids not do anything or sheltering them - I just don't feel the need to use NT's as the measure of his or my success. And I certainly don't want to encourage him to use that as his standard of success either. So - if he doesn't play soccer on a "regular" team than he is no less of a soccer player. It is the double standard that is an issue for me. That somehow NT's are on a higher plane of existance because they have better social skills. I for one am not impressed by the NT world nor do I feel like a person with AS needs to conform to feel better about themselves. I tried for quite some time to be "normal" because it was not called ASD when I was a kid - it was considered a lack of willpower. Because as we all know - if you try hard enough you can be just like the other kids.



School is an artificial social environment. How is being segregated according to age a reflection of the "real world". Schools were not set up to help kids become the best they could be - they were set up so they could become good little worker bees. And good little worker bees obey orders and conformity is prized above individuality. So the school environment encourages bullying. In the "real world" there are laws and most adults (ironically) once they get out of school do not act like bullies. Just a few days ago there was an article about another kid with an ASD who committed suicide because he was being bullied at school and no one could apparently help him. Bully prevention in most schools is a joke and not taken seriously at all. OR - easier to teach the kid who is being bullied to "cope" with it instead of trying to reign in the bullies.

To say that anyone is using AS as a crutch sounds insulting. I certainly do not - but I do realize that I am not NT and therefore why should I make trying to be NT my goal. So, one thing I want is for my son to accept himself the way he is and not have to change to impress anyone else's idea of success. And I did have a college scholarship but did not attend more than a semester because it was too much to deal with. So - some might consider that failure but I don't. So I guess it just depends on each person.

i suppose that depends on the climate that you work in....i have actually found that many work environments are host to bullies~people who get off on treating others crappy because they are in a position of power..or simply because they enjoy treating others crappy.
i believe that bullies are not just relegated to schools.. i also believe that, unfortunately, it is our duty to help teach the "victims" how to deal with the bullies~ bullies thrive on making people feel "less than". once a victim is able to stand up and not be victimized anymore, the bully moves on to find another victim. this experience( standing up to a bully) can be quite empowering for the victim.
speaking from experience, it feels pretty darn good to stand up and say stop.

the issue of dealing with bullies is an ominous one. some bullies are easy to pick out~ they're the ones who physically threaten people. some bullies are not so easy to pick out~ they sneak around and lie and manipulate situations to benefit themselves. they show one face to the world and another face to their victims.
socially, there are alot of problems in the world~the issue of bullying cannot be solved by simply having parent meetings and/or student meetings. Even though there are Anti-Bullying Laws in place, schools still struggle with bullying. i'm not certain if bullying has increased since i was little, or if people are just more aware of what constitutes bullying .

the bottom line is~ things aren't going to change much until the people, as a whole, take mental health seriously. people who bully do so because of low self-esteem, peer pressure, and/or dysfunctionality in the home. we can't just simply slap a band-aid on the problem and call it better.

A bully tends to torture their victims - and usually through threats of physical violence. I know there is a whole school of thought out there about intimidation and all kinds of emotional abuse - but people not being nice is not necessarily bullying.



Speaking from experience it can also go to the other extreme if you are too vunerable to "make" the bully stop but others think you are going to learn some valuable lesson from it. I certainly learned some lessons. It is not a good feeling to turn to those people who are supposed to help you and have them instead try and make YOU stand up to the bully. And this was from a psychologist. He even said to me I bet you just wish that you could just go to another school so you wouldn't have to face these people - but you can't be weak and run away. Of course I was the one to me medicated for depression and anxiety. Thankfully my parents had enough of the professionals and pulled me out of that school and into a private one. There was no overt bullying there because of a very strict code and students were simply expelled. So you are not going to sell me on that it is so empowering stuff - maybe if you are strong and everyone isn't laughing at you for being such a freak anyway it is. Leaving the situation was perfectly acceptable.

I'm not saying that physical education is not good for our kids, but rather that specific types of physical education are. Team sports that focus on competition more than getting along should not be allowed. I participate in outdoor activities, including whitewater rafting, so I know the goodsides and downsides of social skills involving some of these things. Sports that help excel at what they enjoy is what should be desired. Really, though, most sports can be taught without emphasis on strong competition. Football is one, though, that I think requires intense competition and a lot of physical contact.

As far as adults dealing with bullies, it's been my experience that it tones down dramatically. I kept to myself most of the time through college, and I haven't even seen any student as to whom I could call a bully. I don't consider name calling typically bully behavior, but rather physical contact. When I was in public school years ago, I had serious problems with that, so much so that I couldn't stand it anymore and had to be taken out. I know it has been different for others in terms of college and high school, but I think schools that utilize sports as a heavy source of revenue and status tend to have more problems with bullies. In grammar school, kids just don't know what they are doing. They see us as different and don't understand it.

- Ray M -