I am diagnosed with both AS and BPD...

Post Reply New Topic

I am 20 years old and in college. I was diagnosed with functional AS in my freshman year of HS, and it was actually a pretty textbook diagnosis. When I was a lil kid, I would always arrange the stuffed animals on my bed and sort them in patterns, I was highly avoidant, socially and even certain family members. I kept to myself and my interests (which were vast and many involved collecting wierd things like rocks and pens). I, like many had a vast number of interests that I pick up quickly but somehow I always gave them up halfway through. Consequently I was teased all throughout middle school. It was only in high school that I quickly learnt that being social and being accepted in a clique was of utmost importance and thus making new friends became my new 'hobby'. I obviously tried to conceal the fact that I was socially awkward from the get go and 14 years of being a loner didnt help either. Suffice to say I failed miserably for 2 years. I felt that it was ridiculously hard for me to relate to anyone. Also, being gay (I am still not completely out) just made everything so much worse (and by worse I mean a living hell). Such a seemingly unobtainable 'status' (to me at least) quickly turned into an obsession, and I tried everything from switching out my whole wardrobe to getting a new hairstyle, the list goes on. Well, I didnt fail entirely, I made some friends but I felt like I could only manage one. When I turned 18, I went to the clubs frequently to try to find a partner or some form of companionship, however I felt like a big oxymoron because I was so used to being alone when I was younger but this time it was sheer obsession that kept me doing what I did. During this time I was highly distraught, I lost my sense of self and became extremely volatile. So this is where I think my BPD came into play.

About 8 months ago, I got a new psych, and I told him about all that was happening in my life (utter chaos). He was also made aware of my AS. To my suprise (actually not so much because I had been reading about BPD before and I was pretty sure I fit most of the criteria for it), he said I could be borderline. When we went over some of the symptoms of BPD, I fit every single criteria listed in the DSM-IV, to a tee. I know that while some similarities exist, the defining traits of AS are antagonistic to the symptoms of BPD. Does anyone here have a story similar to mine or think they have BPD? (You shouldnt self diagnose or come to any premature conclusions but Im sure just like me youve done some googling).

Anyways, BPD *IS* a living hell and I dont really wanna talk about dealing with it, because I cant. So now I have both AS and BPD, or do you think the BPD took over my AS? Because right now I dont know who I am, at all.

Yikes, I just googled BPD. I hope you are not self-injurous or suicidal.

Sending you my sincere best wishes. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

welcome to wp

Dude i know the shoes u walk, straight up.

BPD is like a disorder that can be defined by the words
"straight up"

It makes u think in black and white, i know, like if i see a person, im just like, AVOID, no point in talking to this stranger, but then u have this being ,invisible, in your mind, just attacking you, you know somethings wrong, but you quite dont know how to fix it really.

I'm also AS and BPD. You're not alone.

these might be helpful

the book buddha and the borderline is about a lady who 'cures' herself of BPD through mindfulness practice
this is the amazon link
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Buddha-Borderli ... 513&sr=8-1

and the website
http://buddhaandborderline.com/

an excellent mindfulness for BPD site
http://middle-path.org/

another great site
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

Yeah people with autism often develop borderline characteristics, Such as only seeing in Black or White, I certainly have but Im only diagnosed as Autistic

Ive been diagnosed with both Aspergers.. as well as severe borderline personality disorder.

Yeah.. what you said in your post, is how I feel too. It makes things soo confusing. For me it is like my BPD did take over my AS.. Ive only actually had BPD for a few years.

That and premenstral dysphoric disorder.. ended up getting me another hospital admission only this week.. I made a mess of one of my arms (not too bad.. they didnt need to stitch it back up but had to put some butterfly tape on it.. got more scars now).

I get completely irrational due to all this. My latest incident this week was triggered by the police upsetting me so much that i ended up chasing a cop car and tried to get into it (they locked the doors). (They'd come to my house late at night and had woken me up.. so i felt like they had intruded on my "safe place").

i ended up hitching to the next town to the police station as I was so upset, the police ignored me and had just drove off when i went a bit crazy. Then this policeman who had tore my shoulder tendon last time i had a police run in.. started to tease me and purposely wind me up more saying sarcastically "You arent normal are you" .. and then making sacastic referances to the police investigation I have going on due to them last time injuring me.

Then he went to pat me down for weapons... after i'd willing already given him the item i'd been BPD self harming with.. and wouldnt believe me when i said i had no weapons in my clothes.. he accused me of lying. At which point i lost reality even more as i NEVER lie (i HATE those who lie). So when he went to pat me down (same policeman who previously injured me).. i really lost it.. and at that point actually threw every item of clothing I had at him.. leaving myself standing naked in a public place in front of everyone.

sighs.. they rang ambulance at that point to take me to hospital to calm down. (i was kept in once again overnight)
i wouldnt wish BPD with AS onto my worst enemy.

Lots of autistic people are also diagnosed with borderline. They're not mutually exclusive. In fact, the abuse many autistic people get makes some more predisposed to borderline traits than usual. Loneliness and extreme feelings of emptiness, with mood swings and idealization/devaluation and all that, are not things that autistic people are exempt from. The idea that we are is a stereotype, not reality. I know many, many people who are diagnosed or diagnosable with both.

I have a friend with BPD and PDD-NOS as well as a list of other diagnoses. Really nice girl, but I wouldn't wish that combination on my worst enemy. She's been in the psych hospital for 3 MONTHS!

I used to be diagnosed BPD before AS. I still meet up to the BPD criteria although that diagnosis is wrong. Since I seem just so much more BPD'ish than the aspies I met, I wondered for a while if I was both. Then I kind of decided no, the BPD like symptoms are still caused by AS, its just MY version of AS.

as far as not knowing who you are....been there done that.
I was so obsesssed with trying to fit in that I lost myself in the process.
The way back is a journey, but it can be done.
First sit down and list all the things you like...and dont worry whether it will cause you to not fit in.
and I mean everything. Whether it is going to the drug store greeting card section and reeding the funny cards or playing chess.
whatever you find intersting. Then pursue these things...as long as they are legal.
Then once you find what you do like, discover what you dont like in all honesty and why
Then allow yourself a section of time each day to journal about anything. Once a day, 3 pages a day. write whatever comes to mind no matter how stupid it sounds...some will seem idiotic while others things you write will be pure genius...and others will help you find your way back.
Then once a week, set aside time for yourself to do whatever you deem enjoyable...but you have to do this alone...with no one else.

If you do this for a long time...you will find yourself again..but you will see progress within a few weeks

Hi all thanks for your input at least I know im not alone. It's just that the BPD part is horrible to have. I wish I could feel like Im not being victimized all the time but somehow I always get screwed over by people.

Violetchild, that is unacceptable! I personally hate the police because they have no compassion in general.

To the guys that suggest DBT to me, Ive been there. Can't say it was a success because my brain would always outsmart the therapist and alot of my AS traits would show up and I found it really easy to cheat the program because idk I've always been pretty rebellious. I was looking into the possible use of TMS to treat BPD but that is currently undergoing clinical trials.

So I gave it a deep thought and I discovered that I am very affected by the people I idolize such as this guy Jeff that Im having a crush on and not so much regular people. I can almost see my AS side turning some of my regular friends down because well I just feel like I couldn't possibly relate on a deeper level but they are just friends I have for the sake of having friends. I know this sounds terrible but I really do find it hard to relate and the BPD traits make it worse. I guess if I weren't brainwashed by the rest of the kids in my grade and the media (for constantly reinforcing what is 'socially-accepted'), and I didn't have BPD, I would definately be better off because I don't see AS as being a bad thing at all.

Do aspies like us think that normal human beings in general are from like a foreign planet? And also do you guys ruminate? Because I can't shut my brain off when it wants to think about something it will do so for however long it pleases and that really upsets me .

I've suspected it in myself but I'm not sure. Some symptoms fit but others don't. There's no label that really explains how I am.