How do you deal with feeling painfully alone?

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-Daniel-
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03 Aug 2010, 11:30 am

Was wondering how others cope, maybe I'll find some helpful advice. I feel alone and isolated all the time and it's painful and it's tearing me apart me mentally. I try meeting people but my social skills are pretty nonexistant. Maybe if someone can advise on how to improve these skills.

And I don't want to be rude, but telling me that you never feel lonely so you don't have to cope with it isn't helpful so please don't respond if that's you.


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Mudboy
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03 Aug 2010, 12:19 pm

I fall asleep to Jewels lullaby CD.
I sleep with a full body pillow.
I have 2 cats.
I go to they gym.
I joined an adult sports team.
I think about going to church.
I think about going back to night college.
I suffer and try not to let it show.


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PianoAshes
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03 Aug 2010, 12:32 pm

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same boat. I cope, although I'm not really sure how well exactly. It's no real solution, but it's something, do something to distract yourself. Keep yourself busy, even if it's something ridiculous like cleaning or maybe reading or writing. Just try to keep yourself busy so that loneliness doesn't pull you down completely.

I myself am at the point where I'm actually too scared to meet new people because I'm so scared that I won't know what to say and people with think I'm weird and not like me. I can have a conversation with someone, but I can never start one- which I'm constantly worried about.

I really wish I could give you some better advice, I'm sorry that I can't and I hope you don't mind me replying, what I really wanted to say, which may or may not be any consolation, is, you're not as alone as you feel. I know how you feel and there are plenty of others that do too. I really hope someone can come up with something better than me.



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03 Aug 2010, 12:44 pm

Whenever "that" feeling hits me, i quickly do something to forget about it, like play a game for a couple of hours or go out and eat, watch a movie or something to get my mind of it.


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danandlouie
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03 Aug 2010, 1:34 pm

have always been alone. have never been loved by a human. been dead 4 times-alone each time. before i was murdered by a drunk driver, i coped by intense aerobic exercise-marathoner, bicycle racer, free climbing. helped greatly. after death i learned that my only chance for love and acceptance was through non humans animal companionship. and listen, dogs are a great way to meet people if that's what you want. in male lexicon--babe magnets.to improve people skills, observation can work wonders. watch closely.



EtherealTiger
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03 Aug 2010, 7:27 pm

I didn't even notice how bad I had this until I left home to go to college. People needed me for help in high school so I wasn't really "alone" until I went home at the end of the day where it would be sad/angry time. Mostly angry cus my parents are losers and have no idea how to raise kids.
Never been the same since. Didn't know how to take care of myself and being alone, college jacked me up badly, still trying to get on my feet again. I started being heavily into mmorpg's but even that didn't work, it was like trying to band-aid an artery.

in counseling i learned to somewhat take responsibility for it. Why am I at home all alone? simply because I'm at home. Because I stopped liking doing things.



tcorrielus
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04 Aug 2010, 12:41 am

I usually cope with my loneliness and frustration by doing activities that desensitize me such as video games, dancing lessons and surfing on the internet.



renslip
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04 Aug 2010, 3:50 pm

I few things you could try are getting involved in your community events that interest you. Join a sports team or you could find social singles gatherings in your area to attend.
Lacking social skills can be a big burden on your life but there is help and lots of information around the internet for people like you that are looking to improve your social life.

Good luck


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Asp-Z
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05 Aug 2010, 6:57 am

I distract myself with my obsessions, usually.



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05 Aug 2010, 7:49 am

I write in my journal anytime I feel upset or discouraged.



Salvya
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09 Aug 2010, 7:02 am

I remind myself that emotions, including loneliness, are ultimately transient, and loneliness won't actually kill me. With time and effort, it will eventually pass. Reducing the intensity makes it easier to think of solutions. For me, loneliness is most intense when I discover something exciting to explore or share, and I realize I have no one to share it with. When that happens, I attempt to make contact with people that are likely to value the things that I value, by joining specific clubs or talking online. In the intervening time, reading books about my interests reminds me I'm not alone in them. I also go out for walks, and look at the stars. I examine nature and contemplate how vast the universe is, and how much of it I haven't seen yet. When I feel up to it, I take risks, and talk to strangers in museums or bookstores about things that we're both there to enjoy. I make sure I'm eating well, sleeping, and bathing, so physical necessity does not compound the problem.

I remind myself that objectively, each of us is always 'alone'. Life as a conscious biological organism is a solitary affair - we can communicate information and interpret the behavior of others, but they are not in my head, and they are not physically me. So, since the feeling is technically correct, but emotionally negative, and yet some people (transiently) feel emotionally happy and lack loneliness, I deconstruct the contents of my feeling so that I can consider realistic solutions. I label the feeling with shades of other, progressively more precise words that describe my emotions, like a desire for intimacy, conversation, physical company, laughter, games, affection, etc. I think of ways to solve each aspect of the feeling a piece at a time. Then I try a tactic to gain what I want, evaluate the results, alter my strategy, and repeat it until something works. Sometimes I do research or, if I can, ask others in the situation what they felt and observed. Persistence has been the most crucial element of success.



b9
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09 Aug 2010, 8:21 am

Quote:
How do you deal with feeling painfully alone


i retreat to my own private space where i can get over it.



Wuffles
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09 Aug 2010, 12:00 pm

Cat. Hard to feel alone when a cat is standing on your head at 4am batting you with her paw to wake up and come watch birds with her.

But, even without the cat, I like being alone. I know that you don't want to hear that, but it's an aspie trait and this is an aspie forum.



Silverweed
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09 Aug 2010, 2:01 pm

Whenever I feel painfully alone, I get myself absorbed in my Broadway cast albums so I won't have the opportunity to feel bad.



Radiofixr
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10 Aug 2010, 4:43 pm

I sit on the computer playing solitare and sigh a lot and think why I seem to be excluded from being with other people no matter how hard I try and get frustrated when I try to make connections-less so now since I have met another aspie and have been invited along and included in activities giving me hope.


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Slayer_1425
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13 Aug 2010, 6:09 am

It sucks, and I completely know how you feel. Rather than feel hopeless, I try and rationalise to myself that I'm in the situation I am in because the circumstances have not been in my favour, but they will improve one day.

If you want to improve your situation, do these things: a) put yourself in an environment where you can meet people (preferably with a common interest), b) read up on how to make friends and get people to like you, and c) as far as possible, try to minimise the effects of asperger's by learning how to improve your interaction skills - and by this I mean, for example, don't talk about the same subject where the listener no longer cares.