Saddened, depressed, exhausted, and just want to die

Post Reply New Topic

I am in a stressful point, once again. I have been getting a lot of flak at work. I work part-time, minimum wage at a fast food-type place. Lately my co-workers have been complaining I've been too slow doing things like stocking and such. Last week I had to bring up a bag of small creams and one creamette accidentally burst open - no big deal, but my idiot manager assumed it was. I have gotten a lot of crap for stuff that haven't been done by me. I really want to quit. I am supposed to start a new job on August 30th but its another fast food job and I am not sure how I will fair in it, plus once school starts I will just go back to working week-ends again.

I am starting school on September 13th and I am deathly afraid of falling into a depression like I have before. I have a history of suffering from chronic depression and I'd prefer not to go through that again, especially once the winter hits. I am about half way done university. I just wish I would die soon.

I know how you feel about autumn/winter and depression. Here's the thing I learned about depression...

It happens when you let yourself fall into a negative mind-cycle.

Sometimes, the only way to keep this cycle out, is to relax as deeply as possible, and only do pleasant things. Eat doughnuts and ice-cream, watch an endless stream of TV show episodes. Find a long-ass show you can stretch over a winter, even.

Or, you can start creating some sort of project.

Physical activity works as an anti-depressant too, but you need to choose one where you're surrounded by other people, even if you don't interact with them directly.

When in despair, seek out a source of support. Can you turn to your parents? Do you HAVE to take that job? Ask them for options. Other people may have ideas and resources you cannot come up with on your own.

So now my motor skills are crapping out. I have been dropping a lot of things and my co-workers are getting annoyed. Today I drooped a coffee filter holder, made out of aluminum, into the sink by accident and it made a big crashing noise. I've also been stimming a lot which I have never done in the workplace before and my co-workers are starting to notice. Also lately I have been getting disturbing thoughts and have been spooked by things that I think are there that really aren't. When I am in the stalk room, every time i turn around to look behind me I think someone is there, watching me, and occasionally I hear things and see things that aren't really there.

Today I saw a doctor all dressed up and I began to think; he makes $$$ number of dollars and when i when on my lunch break I almost cried. I wish I could die and start my life over again, in a new body and not having AS.

The owners of my shop know, but I told them about it two years ago when I was first hired and they may have forgotten about it now. My co-workers know I am "different" but I don't know if telling them I have AS is a wise decision. They already think I am an imbecile.

What could explain these semi-delusions I am experiencing. Is it just stress or something more?

My diet isn't good; I am overweight and doing some light smoking of cigarettes. And under heavy stress.

You may want to see a doctor, but in the meantime it can't hurt to eat right, get a ton of exercise (so you can release some stress and get some decent sleep). You may need to do some things to reduce your sensory overload.

Trust me, I am going through the same thing right now. Both my managers and my co-workers dislike me, for mistakes that I have made, to my poor motor skills (lately these have really shown in the workplace), and, at times my poor social skills (though sometimes they are ok). I am even thinking my friends are turning against me. It's depressing, but isolation doesn't bother me as it once used to. In fact sometimes it's nice.

Well, its Wednesday morning and I have to be at work in an hour. I go back to school on September 13, and I am incredibly worried about it. University is very expensive where I live and I hope I can make something out of my education. I have a very bad attention span and can't get myself into the material. I hardly did any of my readings last year and waited to write essays until the night before; I was just sick of school and feeling depressed. I don't want the same thing to happen again. I am so scared and wish everyday now I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

try to eat healthy meals and exercise, it might help with the attention span a bit... probably not much, but a bit.

I hear you on that schooling and work and weather causing depression though. I haven't had a job in 2 years, haven't even started college, because I just go work and something like this happens and I fall straight down the crapper again. With school, I would be the same way if the size of the school and other factors didn't even scare me out of going in the first place until I get more resources for helping me out in life.

You need to do something to release that stress it seems. I have been considered slow, and well... my performance shows my slowness... and you can imagine the crap I got, if I didn't give myself crap.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Most of them are really nasty, but once you find that one piece you really enjoy, it can be heavenly. I really like Godiva chocolates.

I am basically going through the exact same thing as well, the minimum wage, the delusions, the backturning, its all really starting to come down hard on me, so hard I think I started to repress a bit of it. Any who I have finally figured out that the way I talk is the main source of why people think I'm "slow" but its like they watch my every move and expect "slow" behavior. Needless to say this spawns anxiety which leads to clumsyness which turns into more anxiety which leads to a cycle of depression which all further proves their belief that I'm "slow".
All my co-workers are fake nice to me but behind my back they talk about how they think I'm such a ret*d and hate being around me, and it has gotten to the point where I feel like they all have their sniper scopes on me ready for me to make a false move so they can pull the trigger and get me enough write ups in a short amount of time so I will get fired. This I think this causes the delusions which mainly is just misinterpreting what they are saying at a certain distance away from me but its really hard to tell whats real and whats me being delusional. It feels like hell on earth sometimes and it pretty much affects all aspects of my life.
Hope- I have found a few ways to help me cope with my dilemas, 1. I take ashwagahnda two times a day, which is an herb you buy at any health store that helps with anxiety, also I take one 750mg of GABA before bed to ensure good sleep also found at health stores, 2. I exercise on the daily (45 minutes is the recommened time,) 3. I do brain entrainment , (listening to beats with certain frequencies that help synchronize your brainwaves which is really helpful for calming down and relieving stress(kind of like a lazy man;s meditation.)through a program called neuroprogrammer 3 which you can download a trial on the website. These three things have helped me get back on the right track I think I am finally getting over my anxiety allowing me to be me but still, people have a bias of me now which will take a long time to shake off but I have high hopes of being able to blend in. I hope this can help you because it helps me to know that other people are dealing with the same thing. Good luck