Advice regarding a girl I am friendly with

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I have known a young woman for about 7 months and am friendly with her. She is younger than me -- she is 19 and I am 42 -- however this may not be a problem because she tends to go for older men (the last men she had sex with were 38 and 40). She sees me as just a friend but I want to be more than friends. I think she might be starting to want to be more than friends with me too.

Last night she came to visit me after her work to have dinner together. We got a meal delivered, and after eating we went into my room and were chatting, listening to music, and she was checking her email on my computer.

Then I beckoned her over to my bed (which I was lying on) and we started play-fighting on my bed (which is something we often do). I was sitting on her and holding her arms down, she was biting my arms and scratching me. All good fun.

After some time she said she was fed up with fighting and so I suggested we have a cuddle for a bit. She was lying on her side with me behind her and I was kissing and licking the back of her neck, her ear and her forehead. She seemed to think this was OK though she didn't reciprocate by touching me. I was also running my hand up and down her flank, stroking her. I also said a load of stuff to her like "You're lovely" which she replied by saying "you keep saying that".

I suggested she turn over so we were face to face, which she did. Unfortunately she had her arm in front of her which was on my neck which was a bit uncomfortable and made it difficult for me to get closer to her. (I think she may have done this to prevent me getting too close and kissing her on the lips).

After a while she sat up on my bed and I ran my hand up and down her spine; she said this was irritating her so I stopped.

I would very much like to be her boyfriend. Failing that I'd like to be f**kbuddies with her. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to help achieve this?

The entities who run this website have decided to put software in that automatically censors what I say. Unfortunately it censors it in such a way as to makt it unclear what I said. The 2nd sentence above should read "Failing that I'd like to be f-u-c-k-b-u-d-d-i-e-s with her".

In future I will say "fcuk" in order to get around the silly and childish censorship.

No offence, like, but I'd edit that last message if I were you. Or just refer to it by another name, like friends with benefits or summat.

If I editted the last message, I would be being dishonest. The word I typed in in the 2nd message was the word that was censored in the 1st message. I prefer honesty to dishonesty.

In future I could use the phrase "friends with benefits" though I'd rather not as (1) it is a phrase I wouldn't naturally use in speech, and (2) it is potentially ambiguous as people might not understand what I meant -- I try to be clear in my writing, saying what I mean to say as directly and simply as I can.

If I said that to a girl I might get slapped.

How and where (i.e. was it on some sort of night out, supermarket or what) did you meet this girl?

Must say, it's clear she wants some space, at least for now.

If you said what? Do you mean "You're lovely"?

We met at a social activity we both engage in. Since then, we have many mutual friends.

I think you are right that she wants some space. She also seems to like my company, e.g. she often comes round to visit me, or I come to visit her. It was her birthday recently and she had a party at which she was giving me lots of attention.

Hopefully her relative shyness in making out was just a one-off. See how the making out goes the next time.

I cannot repeat it here. Some sort of buddy status.

Well it's the closest physically we've ever been.



Yes. I don't think I am going to try to push things furthere/faster, in case that causes her to lrun away from me (metaphorically).

What I probably need to do is increase my attractiveness in her eyes.

I'm a girl. I don't go for older men, but that's just me. Lots of girls do. I think a relation ship with a what 19 year-old girl is gonna get you hurt eventually. Just my opinion, but she's looking to have sex with her father, which, if I may say so, is a little weird, but hey, it isn't me so I don't care.

Instead of fooling around, take a chance. Say, look, I really want to have sex with you. How about it. Quick, easy, yes or no. If yes, fine. If no, well, back off and find someone else. If all your looking for is a fukk buddy, well, she's not gonna do it with you, so what's the point? But why don't you find someone whose like hot and 30. I'm told they know a lot more about good sex, even though no one knows more than I do, and I'm sick of the whole business, but If I liked a dude who said, let's do it, I'd say yes, and if I were stringing him along, I'd say no. Quick and simple.

Dru

Why do you think it is going to get me hurt?



There may be something in that, in the general situation when women go for older men, although I get the impressino with this girl that that's not the case.



She knows perfectly well I want to have sex with her, and has done for some time. While i'm sure your advice is well intentioned, i don't consider it good advice. If i asked her straight out, she'd be forced to answer yes or no. Once she answered no ,she'd then be forced to continue acting as if no was her answer, in order to achieve congruence.

Sio a better tactivc for me might be to wait til she is in the right mood (i.e. horny) and get her round my place and slowly escalate physical contact. That way if she decides to do it, she will thren quite probably want to continue having sex with me, in order not to break congruence.



Well this girl isn't the only one I have my eyes on

First off, I think the age difference is too big, but that's just me.

So, you're rolling around on the bed (foreplay) doing everything but, and she puts out the signal "let's just be friends." I know what I mean when I say that (and you wouldn't catch me rolling around on the bed with a friend). I mean no way. If she knows you want sex, (nothing wrong with that), and she doesn't want to do it with you.....lots of fish in the sea. Sorry, that's cold, but that's the way it goes.

When I bring a guy home, it's for one thing, and he understands he's gone in the morning, 'cause I tell him. But that's just the way I live my life.

Dru

It's even more childish that you feel you need to use explicit language to get your point across. I've done it in a bout of anger a couple times here, but I don't see any need to use it casually.

That appears to be her position, for now at least. I think I will play this cool, and back off a bit.



It is of course up to you how you live your life, but it seems to me rather limiting that the only things you are interested in with men is sex.