One more thing.

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This is Robin, for one last time. I have to go after this post. I'll read the replies tomorrow.

There is one extra thing I just remembered that bothers me. He has told me, not too often, but more than once, things like: "I do what I do because I feel secure at home. Everywhere else I go, I have to behave. I have to sit with my hands folded and act like a robot all the time." This was nearly something he said to me at the counselor's office last week.

I found this somewhat disturbing. I have to behave? I have to sit with my hands folded? I know that teachers aren't this strict, and his grades are exceptional. He also complains that he has to always "act appropriate" in social situations. He constantly tells me that he needs to vent out all these frustrations. He can get so bad that he'll chop wood outside just to vent. Is this kind of constant needing to vent something other parents have to deal with?

YUP!! !! !! !! ! the pressure to "perform" is great in the "outside world"....at home, he can stim and tantrum and no one thinks less of him~ in school, everyone treats him like a freak ( his words) when he stims or gets incredibly anxiety ridden. my hubby , whose aspie as well, feels the same sorts of pressures. he, fortunately, does not tantrum in public~not that much at home either, actually....

Outside in public you can feel like you are ALWAYS under stress to perform and then there are all the sensory issues you have to deal with too that can be unpredictable. Even at home it can be hard sometimes but at least you are familiar with things and people. Also, I think the way your son said "sit with his hands folded" was more just using word pictures. He probably does not sit like that - but maybe just reflecting the steretypical image of pictures of what good kids do in class - like something from the 1950's or Leave It to Beaver.

I have this problem as well. My daughter is a horror at home - and an angel everywhere else. If I say anything, people say - surely not ***, she doesn't act like that!

Yes she does!! AT HOME!! The therapist told us the same thing; she is controlled every where else, and here - here she lets loose. WHOOPEE for mom, LOL

She has destroyed my house, her room, *sigh* it's hard to achieve organization!!

Even as an adult, I feel the same way. When out in public, I have to conform to societies rules but once I get home, I can do whatever I want and who gives a *&^% or even should. I can stim, talk to myself, whatever I need to do to bring my anxiety down. That is why even though I have an extra bedroom, I do not want to rent it out (unless the person realizes that I am allowed to do that stuff in my own home).

in the end, i feel good that son feels safe enough to fully express himself at home....not saying that i exactly like the way he expresses himself when he's tantruming, but he's working on it ( he doesn't like it either).

QFT (finally figured out this acronym).
Absolutely-am bombarded with noxious (in my subjective experience) stimuli just by being alive/aware/awake. Leaving bed takes work, leaving house is a huge ordeal-at least in my home I'm safely invisible. Feel extremely uncomfortable while in someone else's environment, my mental clock is ticking, thinking "how long until I can go home?" the entire time. Difficult to make self happy in general, and most of my self-soothing behaviors/actions aren't available when I'm not in the privacy of home. Have to keep armor up even though people are often superficial-and my armor doesn't function. Thus, I avoid doing what's supposed to be good for me, going outside & meeting people. Afraid of failure, and I'd rather fail where at least no one can see me !
Wish it didn't seem so dangerous "out there", in public.

i am still that way at 22 and i live with my parents - who despair because my room is not the neatest place but it is organised the way i like it,, things over the floor so i knwo where things are. i find it really annoying when my mum shouts at me and says my room is a 'tip' and 'this is not a doss house' and 'your room is becoming like those houses you see on telly' -(referring to a program called life of grime feauring an old man who can junk in plastic bags from floor to ceiling - literally). i do not understand her turn of phrase because my room doesnt have junk from the floor to the ceiling its not a rubbish tip and i dont know what a doss house is.

she moans about the amount of time i spend on the internet. but the internet for me is one of the best things thats happened for my social life. which is not much apparent otherwise. i do have a few offline friends but most live away from my house so i cannot visit often. im safe on the internet im not slightly interested in sex, or cyber sex or cam2cam. all i do is be in gaming rooms and a chat rooms making new friends, and learning how to and how not to maake friends. and because i cant see somebodys body language and face expressions i do not feel excluded. i do not understand facial expression or body language. onlty if i person makes it clear how they are feeling ie laughing crying do i understand it.
my mum grw up without the internet and feels it as a thing that STOPS me learning how to communicate.

i used to have many tantrums as a child and they happened at home at school and in the supermarket. i hated supermarkets after i wasnt allowed to sit in the trolley seat, so i did make a big fuss about it.
i still have tantrums now but im always alone.. and tend to take it out on the thing that bothered me. ie an object that brushed againt me gets thrown over the room... i did not'give permission; for it to touch me. things that fall off theshelves too often get flung aswell.
but i have m y drums... since i started playing the drums most of my agression has been taken out on them and im alot better now i have something to obsess about and be focused on.